I’m a Pastor Addicted to Porn and Masturbation…

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My schedule does not permit me to answer as many questions as I’d like to on this blog, but every so often, I get a post that tears at my heart, and I have to stop everything to respond to it. The following was one such post that came in on the “Ask Dr. Intimacy” page. Below is the post and then beneath that, my response. I hope it helps someone…

Dr. Intimacy,

Thank you for your obedience to God and your willingness to make your personal matters public so awareness and deliverance can take place in the life of others. I have read most of the articles you have posted and I also have purchased your book “Sexually Transmitted Demons.” My question for you is how to do I experience real deliverance from the sexual perversion in my life. I can stop masturbating for a couple of days but the urges are so strong that no matter what I do it is hard for me to resist. I watch porn and masturbate at least 4 to 5 times a day and I try to stop. I try to find other things to do but it’s like I cannot have any peace unless I watch porn and masturbate then I am good. I believe, well I know, this has cost me my pastorate and it almost cost me my marriage. About 3 years ago I resigned as pastor and nobody knew why. I was so ashamed that I even left my wife and my children for a year. My wife was a virgin when we got married and I think I have transferred this spirit to her. I asked her to watch porn with me. I asked her to have phone sex with me when I traveled. I baited her into conversations about threesomes and eventually we had one and now I think she struggles with a lesbian spirit because she always wants to have a threesome with a woman. And during sex she only has an orgasm when she calls out a female name or she will have me call out another female’s name we may know. I can see her as we have sex fantasizing about another person as she climax. We have had a threesome with a close friend of ours and she always initiates it. This spirit has overtaken my marriage and I have tried with everything in me to reel it back in and whatever I do fails. It seems like the harder I try the worst it gets. I had a growing church and helped a lot of people walk through the difficult stages of their life but I am living with this dark secret and I could not in good conscious pastor and know I was struggling with sexual perversion so I resigned. I am trying everything to stop with no success. I have read books, blogs. I have prayed and confessed. I tried playing sermons and worship music when the urges come. I have watched your youtube channel and if I may be honest I find myself lusting after you. I think to myself why am I like this? I do not want to be this way. I can help everyone else and help fix everybody else’s problems but when it comes to me I can’t experience the deliverance I preach and minister to others. I know Christ. I know the power of the Holy Spirit. I do not drink or do drugs. I am a person of integrity and influence within my community but I can’t shake this. I said this the thorn in my side but I can’t imagine God allowing this struggle that has the potential to affect and destroy so many be allowed in my life. I take my ministry seriously and the souls He has for me to care after. I would rather die than to not be able to serve God so this is literally killing me.  Thank you for any help or insight you may offer.

CJ 

Dear PASTOR CJ, 

I put emphasis on “Pastor” because the gifts and callings of God are irrevocable until we die! Your letter really tore at my heart. You and your wife are, indeed, in a great deal of bondage and I will not pretend to make light of it. As I sat here praying about your situation and seeking a Word that could start you on the road to recovery, The Holy Spirit whispered this phrase into my ear,

 “Let guilt give way to conviction…”

That phrase illuminated my soul and I felt an immediate release as I received it. You see, that phrase concisely explains the process that I went through when getting delivered from sexual lust and masturbation, during my walk, as a Leader to The Body.

It is the worst kind of pain, when it’s the pain of self-condemnation, and that is what masturbation and porn produce. You are in the most addictive of situations because the very thing that makes you want to stop, also drives you to do it more! That thing is GUILT. Guilt is the emotion that produces remorse, which causes us to change our ways. But in the case of masturbation and porn, guilt only feeds the spirit. Guilt and self-condemnation empower the forces of masturbation and porn, making you want to do it more and more. This is because masturbation and porn are methods of escape – escape from chaos, failure, stress, sickness, disappointment, anger, GUILT… The same negative circumstances that drive any addiction, drive masturbation and porn addictions as well.

The cycle of guilt and release — condemnation and comfort – causes you to feel so hopelessly trapped. It seems to stop is as equally tormenting as it is to continue, but at least in continuing there is “some relief”. This is how it seems anyway, and I know this is hitting home! But the truth is that the pain of continuing is PERMANENT, while the pain of stopping is only temporary. That is a truth that you must CONSTANTLY KEEP BEFORE YOU. You should write that phrase on papers and post them on every wall, window, door and mirror in your home. And post it in your car and office too! You shall know the TRUTH, and the TRUTH shall make you FREE.

You have fallen into a cycle of believing lies, and the worse of those lies is that feeling guilty and self-condemned somehow serves as an act of humility and repentance that will lead to righteousness. Guilt will, to the contrary, UNCONDITIONALLY GUARANTEE that you stay addicted until you breathe your last breath. Guilt is the very opposite of faith, and doubt is the very worst kind of perversion. That is why Messiah says in Matthew 17:17, “O faithless and PERVERSE generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I suffer you?…” Doubt and unbelief opens the door for the strongest sexual addictions because doubt is, in and of itself, a strong form of perversion. And what good is our faith, if not for believing that we are JUSTIFIED – no matter what? “For the just shall live by faith…” Is that not what the Word has taught us my dear Brother?

So step one is to demand your soul to receive the TRUTH, the truth that you are justified not by your acts, but instead by your faith in The Risen Savior. Step two is to use that truth to bring subject every false spirit of self-condemnation and guilt that is fostering this addiction. If you are already justified, then there is nothing to feel guilty about. Which means going forward, you will not allow yourself to feel guilty when you watch porn or masturbate or have a threesome or…

WAIT! Am I saying to continue in these things? NO! I am saying that you should live in the freedom of grace and not the imprisonment of condemnation. The stress produced by guilt prevents understanding from coming forth. Therefore, by giving way to guilt, you suppress the wisdom that would yield deliverance. The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin, He does not condemn us for it. With conviction comes forgiveness, cleansing andmost importantly, redirection. With guilt comes chains. Once you stop opening yourself up to the enemy’s guilt, you make room for the The Spirit’s conviction.

So my dear brother, make the very best choices that you have the strength to make each day. Plan a day of righteousness and productivity. Don’t plan sinful activities, but if in the midst of trying to live your day for God you fall, don’t let guilt come into your heart. Let guilt give way to conviction.

If you feel overwhelmed, to the extent of insanity, for the desire for porn or masturbation, know that in your flesh, it is a battle that you will never win.  Therefore, give yourself PERMISSION to live in the freedom of grace. Explore how you feel “led” at any given time. Does that mean that you are being “led” correctly? Not necessarily — sometimes demons are in the lead, sometimes the flesh is in the lead and sometimes The Holy Spirit is in the lead… But how will you know what is really in your heart, if you don’t allow it to come to the surface and allow The Spirit of the Living God to expose the dark things of your heart and wash them away. Therefore, live in the NOW of eternity, and Let guilt give way to conviction.

Calmly ask for and receive forgiveness for your short comings, and sit and talk to The Father about these things. You see, if you pray in faith for a desire for righteousness and then just believe for God to answer that prayer, you have to rest in that belief. You can’t fight to live right because then it is by works and by might. Instead, if you evaluate what you desire to do, at all times – without being anxious about if it’s right or wrong — and yet acknowledge God in all of your ways (this is key), it is then that the power of conviction begins to work. Suddenly, you become aware of how wicked your desires are. You will see firsthand how far away you are from righteousness, not just in your acts, but in your very essence. You will then LOSE the desire for what you once thought you could not live without, when you let guilt give way to conviction.

And that Pastor, is what it is really all about. It is not about stopping an act in the flesh, but being transformed at a heart level. Better for a wicked desire to be transformed into a righteous one, than to simply “overcome” and “bury” that desire. What good is using will power to overcome just the act, when your heart is still just as filthy as it always was? So when you become aware and begin to lose the desire, that is when discipline can push you to your goal – when you actually WANT to stop, as opposed to “knowing that you should, but not really wanting to”. Then, that is when you will effectively remind yourself — not out of guilt, but out of your desire to please The Father — that the pain of continuing is PERMANENT, while the pain of stopping is only temporary...

When you finally let guilt give way to conviction.”

And that is the Word of The LORD!

In the Power of His Love,

Prophetess Laneen “Dr. Intimacy” Haniah

Be blessed and be sure to order both of my books. You and your wife read them together. It will help you tremendously, but especially “The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Reference Book.” You can order them on my website, www.drintimacy.com

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Worship from a Holistic Perspective

Crushing the bonds of sexual perversion and healing the bonds of heart-2-heart love & intimacy.

http://www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2014 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

Do You Know People In or From Nigeria?

Nigeria OG

Do you know people in or from Nigeria? If so, there is a great vehicle of wealth transfer for The Church, for your family, for your goals…

Every so often on this blog, I like to pass valuable information along that I believe will benefit you — now is one such time. I read an article recently entitled, “Nigeria Becomes Africa’s Biggest Economy”. This really caught my attention because for the past several years, I have wanted to launch a business in Nigeria. At last my opportunity to do so has come, and I want to share it with you.  If you live in Nigeria, or know people who do – If you have any associates with Nigerian friends or family members – If you have any Nigerian church members or know of any Nigerian churches or Pastors… YOU CAN GET IN ON THIS OPPORTUNITY FOR WEALTH TRANSFER.

It requires very little time. You do NOT have to travel to Nigeria to take advantage of it. There is little financial investment required. You just get in position and get the word out! 

So please, accept my invitation to join NIGERIA’S WEALTH REVOLUTION! The information is below. And remember, if you don’t live in Nigeria or near the meeting locations, pass this invite along to someone who does or to those with local contacts. You can get paid for all referrals.

INVITE CODE: LANEEN – 9615801 – http://www.energizecafe.organogold.com

Please send a message to let me know you’ll be there! Check out the links below the flyer to learn more about this opportunity.

(Please print or save this entire INVITE and take it to the meeting with you.  If you want to invite others, just share the link for this message (http://wp.me/p1VniQ-eS) and send your name and contact to me via email or in the comment thread below this message.)

DATES: Saturday April 26, 2014 & Sunday April 27, 2014  (See times and locations on flyer.)

Nigeria OG Diamonds

Be sure to take your invite code with you to the meeting!!!

INVITE CODE: LANEEN – 9615801 – http://www.energizecafe.organogold.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX7Xdtdbtsw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZc3UlY4fpk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

http://www.energizecafe.organogold.com/

http://hbtrainingus.com/

 

Laneen A. Haniah

www.energizecafe.organogold.com

Visit above link for my contact info and to find out what you need to do to be sure you get paid for your referrals!

 INVITE CODE: LANEEN – 9615801 – http://www.energizecafe.organogold.com

 

Self Perception…

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…Sitting in a fancy mall today, eating apples and peanut butter I had packed for lunch,  I began to reflect back. 10 years ago, I sat in a mall food court eating homemade p&j sandwiches with my children because it was all we could afford. I was so embarrassed as people walked by staring and sneering at us. Today, I ate apples and peanut butter in a mall food court because I wanted to, not because I had to.  Many people stared at me,  and I didn’t care the slightest bit.

At that moment, I realized that embarrassment is not about what other people see you doing, it’s how you see yourself in what you’re doing.  10 years ago I saw myself as a poor woman who couldn’t afford to buy mall food.  Today I saw myself as a wise woman who didn’t want to waste money on food that poisons me.

When your  perspective changes,  so will your attitude. See yourself as insufficient and you will cower in embarrassment.  See yourself as more than enough and you will walk in confidence.

I AM Laneen Haniah, and I approve this message!♡

#Perspective #Self-Image 

~ Insights from Dr. Intimacy ~ © 05/13 /2014

Say ‘Yes’!

In prayer today I started shouting out, “Yes, Yes, Yes!” And I heard the Heavens respond back, “YES, YES, YES!” Then YHWH God said to me,

“I only want you to say ‘Yes’ to me, so that I may in return say ‘Yes’ to you!”

#Hallelujah! #YesLordYes!!!

~The Word of The Living God YHWH through Dr. Intimacy ~ © 05/08/14

Reason, Season or Lifetime?

Judas Iscariot was chosen by Yahshuwah (Jesus) Himself, and yet betrayed Him to death. Not everyone that God sends into your life will bless you; some will propel you to purpose through persecution. Persecution doesn’t mean that someone was not sent, it’s simply proof they were never meant to stay.

“Sent by God, but used by satan — Understand People’s Purpose In Your Life!”

‪#‎ReasonSeasonOrLifetime‬

~ Insights from Dr. Intimacy ~ © 03/29/2014

Annual Heartbreak Day

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It’s finally over…

Millions around the world call it Valentines Day. It is a day that is set aside to honor and celebrate the special one you love — and for the special one you love to celebrate you. Everywhere you turn, there are roadside stands full of beautiful flowers and gifts. Every store greets you with displays of chocolates and balloons. The media is littered with romantic jewelry ads; engagement ring ads being the worse offenders. Restaurants, concerts and hotels are booked to capacity, as couples celebrate having each other. Those fortunate enough to have someone to share this special day with, brim with excitement at the thought of the romance and love the energy of this day produces.

However, for many others, what some know as “Valentines Day” — is actually “Annual Heartbreak Day”.  While all of the attention surrounding this day produces sweet enthusiasm in the those who have someone to celebrate it with, it produces only painful heartache in others. For me, “Annual Heartbreak Day” is a bitter reminder of all of the unrequited love that I have rendered over the years. It is the taunting chant of the voice of abandonment. It is the agonizing realization and piercing awareness of my very aloneness.

This week leading up to Heartbreak Day, I had struggled terribly — to the point where I had to fight off three random panic attacks that came on, as I saw loving couples during my daily errands. I have been having a wonderful year. It has been one of the best years of my life. And yet I know that often times with me, a trigger like this can knock me off the path of my destiny and cause months of delay.

I have made so much progress this year and I know that during this time of redemption, I cannot afford to let the enemy use anything to take me down! The key to my overcoming was in sharing my heart out of my own brokenness. Thursday night and last night (Valentines night) in the midst of my own pain, I gave everything that I have to other people who were in pain. While I cried a river of tears inside, I caused others to be full of joy, hope and encouragement.

It has been four years since my marriage ended. Leaving that marriage, I never once looked back in regret. It was a prison of neglect and resentment. However, I never thought or could have imagined, standing before the judge on the day of my divorce that all these years later, I would still be a single woman. I have loved so many people, with so much passion and humility and  honor over the years. Excluding my children, I can’t say that anyone has ever fully reciprocated the love that I’ve given them, and that was especially the case with my ex-husband.

Yet, I have never been bitter or cynical about remarrying. Quite to the contrary, I have always believed the second time around would come quickly and restore my torn heart. But now, 4 years later, I have not been so hopeful. I do greatly treasure my position in the Body of Christ. I am so thankful that I have such value to the Kingdom. I know undoubtedly that I am a Mighty Woman of God. Yet in the natural, as a woman, I question my worth. I wonder why no man has ever claimed me as his special reward and made me his Queen.

I want more than anything, a chance to share the overwhelming wifely love and anointing that is ever brimming in my heart, but a man who truly loves, cherishes and honors me has remained elusive. I have only ever been used by men for their purposes of pleasure and advancement. And even those that I thought loved me, have proven in the end that they only loved the “idea of being with Dr. Intimacy”, but not the woman she operates through.

And yet, the victory is mine this morning. I woke up a virtuous woman whose worth is far above that of precious rubies. Instead of taking the love that The Father has placed in my heart and burying it; instead of saying, “until someone loves me, I can’t love anyone else”; instead of compromising my integrity and standards of righteousness, for the sake of falsely comforting my broken heart on one insignificant day created by the world — I shared my love freely, I overcame bitterness by blessing others and I stood in my righteousness and integrity.

Because I gave, more than two dozen people woke up this morning encouraged and happy and knowing that they are loved. Because I decided that even if no man finds me worth it, I still find others worth it. Even if I can’t receive the love I desire, I can still give someone else what they desire. So while there was no one here to keep  me warm last night and whisper sweet love into my ear, the images of loving others and the joy that they received warmed my heart. The hope of reaping a harvest kept my tears away.  And The Love and Approval of My Savior encouraged me to know that it’s always worth it to love and serve others.

Maybe this time next year, I will be waking up next to my new husband. However if not, I will wake up thinking about whoever it is that I shared The Love of The Father with the night before, and my pillow will not be soaked with tears, as in years past. So if like me, Valentines Day is actually Annual Heartbreak Day for you — I say to you, “keep your love in shape”. Go exercise the love you plan to give in a beautiful, Godly marriage one day. Go practice the service that you plan to one day give to your spouse. Stay focused on the love you can give to others, and before you know it, your tears will turn into joy!!!

In the power of His Love,

Prophetess Laneen “Dr. Intimacy” Haniah

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Worship from a Holistic Perspective –

Crushing the bonds of sexual perversion and healing the bonds of heart-2-heart love & intimacy.

http://www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2014 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

I’m Healed, Therefore I’m Better

Healed eyes see differently. Healed ears hear differently. A healed heart perceives differently. And a healed mind understands what was once so perplexing.

#I’mHealed #I’mDifferent #I’mBetter

~ Insights from Dr. Intimacy ~ © 01/20/2014

Bible Insights, Matthew Chapter 5:23-24

Matthew Chapter 5:23-24 

 “23 So if you are offering your gift at the Temple altar and you remember there that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift where it is by the altar, and go, make peace with your brother. Then come back and offer your gift.”

The burden of reconciliation and peace IS ON YOU, when you are made aware of something that someone has against you! It is by NO coincidence that reconciliation is directly linked to your giving. While it is true that not everyone will respond favorably to your efforts to make peace with them, your tithes and offerings are as worthless as ashes if you DO NOT MAKE EVERY EFFORT to seek the forgiveness of those you have offended!

OUCH, that gives me a totally different perspective on financial prosperity! Of course, there is always the option to pursue material wealth through the world’s system, in which case reconciliation is not a requirement. However, if we are going to seek to INHERIT wealth from The Kingdom of Heaven, we must give tithes and offerings, which we learn through this scripture, are null and void without appropriate steps taken toward reconciliation. And the most important part of this scripture is the clause that says, “if a brother has something against you“. This text is not about you “passively forgiving” someone who has hurt you. This is about you going to SEEK OUT those that you have offended or sinned against, when you have knowledge that they have not forgiven you, and you have never authentically and fully attempted to make it right. This is a very deliberate and calculated decision to face the rejection and/or persecution of someone who you know has an issue with you and perhaps even a hatred for you. THIS IS SOOO HEAVY!!!

#ShowUsWhoWeHaveSinnedAgainst

~ Bible Insights from Dr. Intimacy ~ © 01/03/2014

Join me on my journey through the Bible. Register on my Bible Insights blog! http://bibleinsightsfellowship.wordpress.com/

Only Up From Here, You Say?

You think you’ve hit rock bottom? You better think twice before setting your mouth to complain or letting pride set you up for a fall because GOD knows how to show you where the floor really is!!!

#GoLowOrGetCrushed

~ Insights from Dr. Intimacy ~ © 01/02/2014

Remorse vs. Repentance: Start Your Year Off Right!!!

Feeling sorry for the outcome, does not equate taking accountability for the actions that caused it. The countdown to the new year has passed, and the excitement of that first moment is fading. Whether or not crossing the threshold into 2014 is going to also mean crossing the threshold into a new season, is completely predicated on the depth of your repentance (complete turning away) from all of your rebellion in 2013.

Happy New Year and Happy New Life to all of you determined to lay aside every weight and sin that so easily beset you in 2013: To those of you who deleted numbers from your phone, got rid of bad habits, overcame addictions, moved away from dead activities and dead relationships, took control of your desires, pulled out all roots of bitterness, and completely committed yourself to the Will of YHWH God for your life!

To the rest of you, all I can say is, “I wouldn’t want to be you!” because I can’t wish a Happy New Year to someone who has already decided to be miserable by default! The wages of sin is death, and death brings mourning. Thus, to choose rebellion and stubbornness, is to choose misery.  I’m not sugar-coating it because I hope this dose of truth is enough to get you to take care of what you need to take care of in the first days of 2014 (not months, or weeks, but DAYS), in order to start, not just a New Year, but also a NEW SEASON!!!

If you don’t like the results you got in 2013, remember that to get different results in 2014, means taking different actions!

Same actions, Same results — New actions, New season!

#RepentanceNotRemorse

Apostolic Blessings and Favor to all of those who have properly positioned themselves for 2014 to be the year of Dreams!!!

~ Insights from Dr. Intimacy ~ © 01/01/2014

Watch “2014 — The Year of Dreams: Are You Registered?” on YouTube

If you had a tough year in 2013, you definitely want to watch this because 2014 is going to make you forget all your pain!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR AND HAPPY NEW LIFE to all of my friends and followers. I can’t wait to hear all of the wonderful testimonies that 2014 brings forth! Enjoy…