When Is The Right Time to Talk To Your Children About Sex?

Two years ago, I took my then nine-year old daughter along with me to a Christian girls rally. The audience consisting mainly of 14 to 18 year olds was all abuzz as the hostess introduced “Dr. Intimacy”. They wanted to know who I was and what I was going to talk to them about. I’m sure if this event had been held at school and the community liaison of Planned Parent Hood was announced the girls would’ve known pretty much what to expect. However, the very notion of talking about sex in any Christian function seems almost sinister to most.

After running down a quick introduction I asked the audience a series of questions such as, “What is intimacy?” Many gladly volunteered answers. But when I asked, “What is sex?” everyone froze. No one wanted to answer my question. An audience that I assume by observance of their behavior consisted of very few virgins, was unwilling to render an answer. I refused to move on until I got an answer and so much to everyone’s surprise, my nine-year old daughter raised her hand. With no other volunteers after two minutes of waiting why wouldn’t I give her a chance to answer? She opened up her mouth and said very plainly without smiling, blinking or stuttering, “It’s when the penis goes into the vagina.”

The entire audience responded with laughter and amazement. Why was this nine-year old girl willing and able to explain what a room full of teenagers was not? She was able to explain because I taught her. I have seven children and I began teaching all of my children about sex when they reached the age of two. It never ceases to amaze me as I travel across the country to speak to people on issues of sexuality and intimacy, how ignorant most parents are to the dire need of candidly discussing sex with their children!

I’ll never forget the frantic phone call of a friend of mine. He had been called to his five-year old’s school because the boy had been accosted by two female students in his kindergarten class, who pulled his pants down and began performing oral sex on him right there in the class! It sounds hard to believe I know, but most children begin sexual exploration around the age of two. Sexual exploration is when they get curious and begin to test out “what it does when I do this”. It is also the typical age at which they want to know whether or not other people “have one too”.  It won’t take a child long to figure out  in the midst of their innocent exploration that it feels good when they rub this or pull on that. Many people have discussed with me children masturbating as early as two. I performed it regularly beginning at age five.

Parents, the right time to talk to your children about sex is NOW! The greatest thing that you can do as a parent to help avert sexual misbehavior, and the ill consequences thereof, in the lives of your children is to be very proactive. Don’t just react to what they do, influence what they do. Our children are bombarded with the deviant sexual influences of society from birth. No matter how wholesome you try to keep the environment in your home, unless you plan on moving to a deserted island, there is nothing that you can do to protect them from this. The most important challenge is helping them overcome their curiosity about sex by having candid discussions and lessons.  You can start by showing them illustrations of naked bodies and allowing them ask as many questions as they want to.   Give them honest but age appropriate answers using the proper names for the anatomy.

Always remember this about parenting and life and general: The first time a person hears something will be the most substantial time and will set the foundation for their beliefs on that topic forever. If the first time your children hear about sex is in a perverted way on the school playground, that is what will shape their beliefs about sex. If it is at home with Mom and the Bible, talking about the beauty of intimacy in marriage and the sacredness of their bodies to be reserved for that time, that is what will shape their beliefs.  It is such a terrible and irreversible mistake when parents neglect to discuss sexuality with their children. What I find is that most parents wait until they think their children may be interested or involved in sex, but once that sleeping giant of sexuality is awakened it is hard to return it to hibernation. Don’t wait until it is too late. Equip them now to successfully stand against the pressures of a society that is encouraging sexual immorality on every hand. Help prevent them from becoming another bad teenage statistic and prepare them for enjoyable intimacy with a spouse in the future.

What are your thoughts on this? If you have children, at what age did you first discuss sex with them? Have you been “waiting for the right time”?

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

http://www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

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Are You a Christian Who Masturbates?

OK so I had to break the ice on this one with the comedic relief of the image above because let’s face it… talks about masturbation get most Christians “hot under the collar”. It’s on everyone’s mind (… and on most people’s hands too… er… uh… every pun intended there, lol.) You are far from the only one that has questions about this. So go ahead and get an alias account name so you can post an honest answer and let’s start blogging! (Don’t worry about being required to leave your email address when you post a comment because the other bloggers can’t see it. It is only requested to verify that you are a valid blogger and not a spamware program leaving automated messages.)

For those of you who don’t know, the main reason that I created this blog is to educate people about the spirits of sexual perversion and the adverse effects that they have on our lives, as well as how to get delivered from these spirits so that we can live in freedom and experience success. If you want to know why this is my passion check out the “Who is Dr. Intimacy” page, or even better yet order my book “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons”.

At any rate, in an attempt to ensure that I am not  just rambling on about the things I deem important, I would like to post questions and evaluate reader feedback. This will help me more accurately address your specific interests and needs. I know sexual sin is an embarrassing topic to speak on, but how will you get help if you don’t start seeking it?  If you are worried about your image, like I said, create a new account with a screen name and e-mail address that no one will recognize because it is time to start dealing with our issues! I’m here to help and talking about masturbation is a good place to start. So...how about it:

Are you a Christian who masturbates? Why or why not? Do you have any specific Bible references against or in support of masturbation? Do you have specific experiences to share? Please enlighten us!

Comments have been closed on this post. Please refer to the post “Is Masturbation in the Bible As a Sin?” to make comments. Also check out my YouTube video about this.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

http://www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Should I End This Relationship???

“Should I end this relationship?” I get asked this question more than any other, which is why I  chose to address this issue today.   Unmarried people in troubled relationships always seem to struggle with whether or not they should go or stay. I would like to offer some basic wisdom concerning this question to help those of you who are struggling with similar issues to make the right decision.

First of all, most people who ask me this question already know the answer deep in their hearts. 99% of the time the answer is that you should leave. People only ask this question when the relationship is terribly troubled with issues such as fornication, infidelity, or being unequally yoked. All of these are good sound reasons to end a relationship, especially if you are miserable in it.

Secondly, people who ask me this question always try to justify it by somehow finding a way to put the responsibility on God to tell them to leave. This logic is as silly as someone who is a serial killer saying, “God I will stop killing people any time you want me to. I’m not sure what I should do, but if you tell me to stop I will.” God does not need to tell you to stop doing something that He has already commanded in His Word that you not do. He tells us not to fornicate in the Bible and He tells us not to be unequally yoked.

Thirdly, people often express that they feel it is their responsibility to stay in an unequally yoked relationship so they can lead their lover to Christ. This is such a deception of the enemy. As witnesses for Christ we can only plant and water seeds of the Gospel. It is God who will cause those seeds to grow and bring forth the fruit of salvation. It is amazing how these same individuals that “care so desperately” for their lover’s lost soul very seldom, if ever, witness to the crackhead on the street, or their boss on the job, or the child in the park, etc… You get my drift right? Saying that you must witness to this person and lead them to Christ is just an excuse that you use to stay in an unhealthy relationship. God would not send a crackhead into a crack house to witness. He would not send an alcoholic into a bar. He would not send a child molester to a child’s sleepover and He would not send you into the bed of sin to “rescue” someone when you have a sexual addiction! Besides that, once you have had sex with a person you have tainted your witnesses and undermined your ability to effectively lead that person to Christ because you are not walking in the light and the person does not respect you as a Christian.

Lastly, people always tell me about how hard it will be to leave. I’ve got some bad news for you — It will be even hard to stay!!! Let me share with you just a few examples from the lives of some of my counseled.

A lady I know has been married for 32 years. She was unequally yoked before she and her husband got married but she chose to marry him anyway. Guess what? They are still unequally yoked and she is so unhappy about it. Are you willing to wait that long for your boyfriend or girlfriend to change?

A lady I knew gave up her virginity only to find our her boyfriend was a player. He kept promising to change, but never did. Even though he was the only man she had ever had sex with, she ended up contracting HIV and later died.

Another young Christian lady I counseled was a virgin who was dating a very promiscuous guy that was not born again. He promised he would change once they got married. They finally got married (she never had sex with him before marriage) and within 2 years he left her. She was heart-broken.

An older Christian lady I was counseling was in a bad relationship where she and her boyfriend were fornicating. They were both believers but backsliders. She wanted to wait for him to give his heart to the Lord. She wasted 10 years with him only to realize after all of that time that he was not going to change. She was 50 years old by the time she finally left him. Now she is nearly 60 and still alone and heart-broken. I wonder if she missed her Boaz during the ten years she remained outside of God’s will for her life.

All of the people in the above cases continually asked themselves and others, “Should I end this relationship?”

Please don’t think I am not sympathetic to what those of you in this situation are going through. I am sympathetic because I have been there and done that. I had to make a decision about walking away from a long-term relationship with a man who I was engaged to. He did not want to surrender his life to God and I wanted to grow in the Lord. I chose God over my man and it hurt so bad for so long. But that was ten years ago, and guess what… It doesn’t hurt anymore.  I cannot imagine how horrible my life would have been if I had not left this man. In spite of all of his promises, he never changed. About 2 years ago he drank himself to death. Had I married him, I would be a widow today. When I made that tough decision I chose God’s perfect will for my life. This same grace is on all of you who really want to do God’s will. Most people who ask me whether or not they should end a relationship claim to love God even though they are in sinful relationships. I don’t doubt that you do love God, but do you love Him most of all? Do you love Him enough to say “not my will but Your will be done”?

Am I stating that it is never possible for it to be God’s will for you to marry someone who you have a troubled relationship with? No, I’m not saying that at all. Often times our falling into fornication can cloud God’s will in our hearts and thwart His purposes. Fornication can ruin a relationship that He ordained; or it can establish a relationship sent from hell. Often times there just is no way to get clarity on it while still in the midst of a sinful situation. Take a step back from the relationship. If you don’t want to completely end it, go on a 30 – day intense consecration so you can hear from God. If the relationship is of Him, you should be able to carry out the rest of the relationship without sinning and marry as two clean vessels. You and your significant other will need to go through a thorough cleansing process TOGETHER. But if you know that the relationship is not of God, get out while you still can – before it ruins your life and abort your purpose! Please don’t stay in a relationship that is outside of God’s will for your life. You will live to regret it; you will miss out on your destiny and purpose in life; and may even end up in hell because of it.

So what are your thoughts on this readers? Have you ever been in this situation or maybe even find yourself asking this question right now? Let’s talk about it and let other readers know what your experiences have been.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

http://www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Regional Strongholds

I want to broaden your perspective today. Have you ever considered the “energy” around you when you travel to a new location? By location, I mean any place outside of your home. What is the energy like on your job? How about your church? What about the energy in your city compared d to the energy in another city that you have visited?

When we get right down to it, what we refer to as a “demon” or “spirit” is simply “energy”.  A demon is a force of negative energy. Satan is the ultimate source of all negative energy. An angel is a force of positive energy. The Lord I AM is the ultimate source of all positive energy. Negative energy can take on different forms: anger, hatred, violence, depression, discouragement, etc. Positive energy is likewise: joy, peace, love, charity, unity and such.

The dominating form of negative energy in an area is what I call a “Regional Stronghold”. With a gift of discernment, or spiritual insight, you can sense the regional stronghold of an area. Most people do not have spiritual insight though. However, you can still ascertain what the regional stronghold of an area is by evaluating the activity around you. Is there a high murder rate? Is there a higher percentage of poverty or domestic abuse or teenage pregnancy? Do people seem to be generally angry, sad or detached?

The most prominent emotional state, religious beliefs and dominating social issues in an area are clues to what the regional strongholds are. As you journey through life, it is very important that you learn how to pay attention to regional strongholds. They can have a profound impact on your mood, behavior, perception and productivity and easily transform unsuspecting victims into their likeness. As you read my bookThe Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook, you will learn more about how spirits of sexual perversion are responsible for so much more negative activity, than just the physical acts of illicit sex that they influence.

For instance, America is a nation that is laden with spiritual fornication. We sing “God Bless America” at every major event; yet at the same time we promote same-sex marriages, abortion, drunkenness, witchcraft, violence, gluttony… and the list goes on and on. We want the pleasures of God without making any type of sacrifice to commit to Him. This country wants His blessings, but not His Law. We want His protection, but don’t want to honor His name.

This is the country where musicians that sing about and glorify every damnable thing in satan’s kingdom can say, “I would like to thank God for this” when they win a Grammy.     As I explain in the book, under the influence of fornication you readily “acknowledge” God, it’s just that you have no intimacy with Him. Fornication is definitely one of the dominating regional strongholds that govern this country, which means that every corporation, organization, church, home and individual human being  is highly susceptible to its influence.

Once you read the book and learn more about the different spirits of sexual perversion, make it part of your study course to look for the manifestations of spiritual perversion in the places you visit from now on. Look for it on your job, in your church, and at your friend’s homes. It will probably surprise you how much they show up around you. Please realize that these regional strongholds are a powerful, massive force of negative energy that will war for your deliverance every day.

The victory is already yours, but awareness and vigilance is the key to claiming it. Know also that as much as there is negative energy around you, there is positive energy, or angels, around you even more so. The more intimate you become with God, the more you will recognize and be able to take advantage of the force of protection He has built around.

In the Power of Love,

 Dr. Intimacy

 Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

 www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.



When a Spouse Cheats, Is the Other Spouse to Blame?

I received a post today from a lady that said, “I by no means was the wife that I was supposed to be but I still to this day don’t believe that I deserved to be cheated on.” That causes me to pose a question: When a husband or wife cheats, is the other spouse to blame? Are they to blame completely in some cases? Only to some degree in some cases? Or never in any case? I don’t know of any place I can go in scripture off-hand to support an opinion to one extent or the other but I do know this, marriage is a partnership and cheating doesn’t  “just happen”.

Now as far as the word “blame” goes, that is a trick question that I asked because I don’t believe that either spouse is to “blame”. Blame is irrelevant in the case of adultery. When infidelity takes place, angry accusations and blame only veil the underlying causes. The act of adultery is not nearly as relevant as the factors that led to it. Establishing who should carry the blame will not bring healing. Discovering how the door for infidelity was opened in the marriage can give the insight needed to repair the marriage and “adultery proof” it for the future.

This has been a “hot-button” issue, especially for women that  have been on the receiving end of adulterous affairs. But I often see a lot of deflection in the angry comments of scorned women. I had been in more affairs than I care to mention and although I am remorseful I went down that road in the past, I am grateful for the insights I gained. Where cheating is concerned, I find that both cheating husbands and cheating wives have told strikingly similar stories about the circumstances that existed in the  home before the affair occurred. Based on what I understand about the sacrifice marriage requires, my counseling sessions and the failures of my own past: my position is that both spouses are responsible for the infidelity no matter which spouse it is that actually does the deed.

Let me know what you think about this and reference scriptures or experiences that you are familiar with if you can.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

drintimacy@drintimacy.com                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons

STDs 2013 4I want to school you on STDs – no, not “sexually transmitted diseases”. I’m talking about spiritual STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons! Did you know that demonic spirits can be transferred to you during sex and/or sexual activity? Did you ever notice how people change once they begin to have sex? You probably have taken note of it in a friend or relative in the past, but never equated it to sexual activity. Just think about it, your cousin Quan’teeka starts dating Bone Thug from the block and after a couple of weeks you say to her,“Girl, you’ve changed.” Or maybe even in your own life, you took on a new love and your friends and family kept telling you that you changed, even though you couldn’t see the changes!

You probably relate to what I am saying, but probably have always equated such changes just to the new relationship itself and not the reality of STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons. Every demon has a nature and specific corresponding characteristics. That is why groups of people who have no connection to each other but that are infested with the same type of demonic spirit, behave in very similar ways. We call them “stereotypes” but they are nothing less than “familiar spirits” that shape the character and personality of those that they influence. Hmmm… that’s something to think about, isn’t it?

When two people have sex, those two people become one. The same way that the physical bodies of the man and woman lock together and become one interlocked unit, so do their soul and spirit bodies. Every human being consists of three distinct bodies — spirit, soul and flesh – that function in unity with one another, as one unit. Each of those bodies operate in a different realm and each impacts the interactions of your entire human experience. Sexual activity causes two people to connect and become one in all three realms, thus allowing for the transmission of demonic spirits from one person to the other – the same way that sexual activity allows for the transmission of venereal diseases, such as chlamydia, herpes and HIV, from one person to another.

What I am trying to get you to understand is that those changes that take place in your life after you get into a sexual relationship with someone are not a coincidence! They are a direct result of sexually transmitted demons. Have you ever done or said something that you found very uncharacteristic for yourself and thought, “Where in the world did that come from?”This happens as a result of different demonic spirits that  you pick up, usually through sex. The unfortunate thing about it is that most people are completely oblivious to the reality of spiritual STDs, and even once they do become aware of them; it is often too little, too late.

You may think that you can pick up a sexually transmitted demon and just go to the spiritual free clinic (church), and get a dose of spiritual antibiotics (prayer) and go on about your business, unaffected by what you’ve done. But this is not so. Just as there are some sexually transmitted diseases that there are no cure for, there are some sexually transmitted demons that will stay with you indefinitely. Some venereal diseases cause permanent damage to the body such as impotence, erectile dysfunction, uterine pain, cervical and prostate cancer and worst of all – sterility (not being able to produce offspring)! Sexually transmitted demons can have the same impact on your destiny and purpose in the spirit realm!!!

I really want you to think about this carefully. We often take sex so frivolously, regarding it as just a physical act. But I assure you that sex is much more spiritual than it is physical and even if you can use a condom to prevent the transmission of natural STDs, there is no condom to protect yourself from the transmission of spiritual STDs. Abstinence is the only way – preserving sex for the confines of Holy Matrimony.

If you want to know more about sexually transmitted demons, you need to pick up my book. It is entitled, “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons”. Find out how to buy it on this page:  STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons, 2013 Edition.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

http://www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.