Christian Women and Adultery

I have observed a disturbing epidemic lately in the instances of devout Christian women committing adultery and divorcing their husbands. This is a very dear topic to me that affected me in a very personal way, and thus I am compelled to share the revelations that I received about this attack on Christian marriages. There are a number of these situations that have been brought to me, or that I have become aware of. What has been most disturbing to me about this is that the women who have fallen prey to these attacks seem like the most unlikely candidates. Not Gomer-type women, but instead the type of women that you read about in 1 Peter 3:1-2,

1In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, 2when they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him – to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and in the human sense to adore him; that is to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love and enjoy your husband]. (AMP)”

I prayed to God for insight in scripture about the spiritual wickedness behind this trend. And He led me to look at 1 Peter 3:7 and 1 Samuel 30:1-6. 7Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.(1 Pet 3:7 NKJV)” You see a woman who is fulfilling the mandate of 1 Peter 3:1-2 becomes dependent on her husband and that is what makes her the weaker vessel. This scripture is not referring to physical weakness. There is nothing in the context of this chapter that would suggest that. It certainly is not referring to the wife being spiritually weaker. That is made clear with the clause, “as being heirs together of the grace of life”: stated in the New Living Translation as, “but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.”

But if not physically weaker or spiritually weaker, then what is Peter teaching us here? He is teaching us that a woman becomes the weaker vessel emotionally, or “emotionally fragile” in order to fulfill her role as helpmeet. Therefore Peter, who was a married Apostle, exhorts Christian brothers to, “…live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation]… (1 Pet 3:7a AMP)” In other words, live in consideration of what she has to sacrifice emotionally to become that submissive, dependent, adaptable, quiet-spirited, obedient woman who blesses you as a helpmeet.

Now keeping all of that in mind, let’s look at 1 Samuel 30:1-6 (NIV), 1David and his men reached Ziklag on the third day. Now the Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They had attacked Ziklag and burned it, 2and had taken captive the women and everyone else in it, both young and old. They killed none of them, but carried them off as they they went on their way. 3 When David and his men reached Ziklag,   they went on their way.3When David and his men reached Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. 4So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep. 5David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. 6David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God.”

Reading this text is where my understanding came together: the women were left unprotected and taken captive by an enemy! God said that this is what is happening in many Christian homes. The woman in 1 Peter that strives to be that perfect submissive wife, leaves herself vulnerable by willingly becoming the weaker vessel. There are certain attacks that she is simply not strong enough to protect herself from because she has willingly become dependent on her husband.

During times of war in those days, when a woman was taken captive she was forced to marry one of her captors or forced into prostitution. In other words, in her captivity she became an adulteress. It was not a choice that she made or a path that she chose for herself. But the enemy got a hold of these women that were left uncovered and unprotected by their husbands and thus the enemy, “carried them off as they went on their way.”

The wives of today that are being affected by this same enemy spirit that you see operative in 1 Samuel 30 – this spirit that is assigned to steal the wives and children of the soldiers of the Kingdom – are being carried away too! The way of being for these loving wives is to serve the Lord and their husbands. But once your enemies take you captive, they take you their way as the scripture says! In captivity to satan’s attacks, these woman become what they do not want to be and do what they do not want to do.

Christian men – Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors and Teachers especially – beware! This spirit wants to steal your family. And guess what? Only a woman who is emotionally neglected can fall prey to such an attack. Look at verse 6 again, “…for the men spoke of stoning him because the souls of them all were bitterly grieved, each man for his sons and daughters.” You see, no mention was made of these men grieving over their wives. They did not honor their wives. They only cared for what the women could add to them, but cared not for the women themselves. Yet understand that if you fail to dwell together in understanding with your wife; honoring her as the woman who voluntarily made herself weak for the sake of loving and respecting you; thereby allowing the enemy to steal her – you will lose not only her, but all that she gave birth to in your life as well.

Most of the time, a woman taken captive in war is never seen or heard of again. She becomes someone else’s wife. And though taken captive against her will, because she has the heart of a true wife, she will serve and honor her new husband (the scripture calls the husband master in 1 Pet 3:6 [AMP]) just as she did you. And yes, the Lord will bless her because she was a victim of circumstance. Fortunately in this text, David honors his wives and is determined to pursue the enemy and reclaim his them. Because of his love for his wives, his prayers are not hindered. The Lord answers his prayer and all of the women and children are recovered.

Men if you have found yourself in a similar scenario, pursue your wife immediately before the enemy carries her out of your reach. If your marriage has not been affected by this, do not allow it to be. Love, honor, cherish and desire your wife above all. If your wife is long gone and has become the wife of another or her heart is beyond your reach, forgive her and yourself. Examine how the enemy got in and stole your family. Cover her in prayer regardless of the outcome, and move forward with the revelation knowledge of what it will take to be successfully married in the future – if you so choose to marry. Even if you do not marry again, you can help other brothers protect their families.

I did a powerful teaching on this on my YouTube Channel. You can find it here if you have not already seen it. Be sure to watch parts 1 and 2 of the teaching. 

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

4 thoughts on “Christian Women and Adultery

  1. Ehhh....not yet! says:

    I found this article from a Google Search, and I wanted to see if you could help me with a book I’m writing….
    If I understand you correctly, are you saying it’s the man’s fault if a woman cheats? I don’t really want to start a debate, but what happens when there is clear evidence that a man is seemingly doing what he is supposed to, and a woman just simply chooses to have an affair anyways?
    I’m hearing from, and seeing a increasing amount of the women having affairs as well. But I’m seeing a different bit of dynamics. I just discovered the woman I’ve been seeing for the past 7 month is indeed married! I’ve known her for quite some time. We even helped her move out of her (ex?)husband’s house into her new home. She stopped wearing a ring. A few months later, she said she was divorced. And come to find out, I got played – big time. Not by some hussy at a bar, but by a God fearing, Bible toting, soccer mom.

    Apparently she never even filed for divorce. And now she’s decided the grass is NOT greener being a single mom and wants to go back to her husband. I don’t have a problem with her going back – at ALL! But along my journey, I’ve found a bunch of other Christian men saying the same thing. Either they have unknowingly had an affair w/ a married woman, or they have a wife who they’ve caught having an affair.

    So, are you saying this is totally the guys fault?


    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Ehhh… Not Yet,

      Great question. I wish I had gotten to it sooner but I had been away from the blog during the time that you wrote me. This is such a great question that I am going to feature it on my YouTube channel. I will email you when the repsonse it uploaded. In the mean time, let me say hands down and without a doubt


      My article was not about blame but responsibility and accountability, which in a marriage is always a joint effort. So it is not the man’s fault but it can be the underlying cause that influenced the woman’s decision and although she will have to give accocunt for her own bad choice, the husband too will have to give account for his failure in his responsibiilties.

      Please inbox me about your book. I am an editor. I would be interested in helping you complete your work.

  2. Marie says:

    I agree with your described scenario above. I am sure it happens a lot with couples. My husband and I have to reestablish our marriage covenant daily against these things. I know of one case where the church going woman divorced her husband because he stepped up and became a spiritual leader and she sis not want to submit…she liked to be the “strong christian woman” that had a heathen husband. When he was recognized in the church she started to grow bitter and be competitive with him. There are all kinds of sad sitautions in life. You also see the passive men that let their wives disrespect and run all over them and they end up cheating to feel respected.

    I am surrendering daily in order to keep my marriage in tact.

  3. Toward the end of the YouTube piece related to this article, you mentioned how the husband should let his wife see his emotions, knows his hurts and feelings (i am way paraphrasing, sorry). That struck me because I was told by my wife that she shouldn’t have to nurture me emotionally, that that was part of “being a man.” Guess you can tell it stung and still resonates and, in my view, is part of what’s crippling my marriage. To me, this is where my wife proves she loves me, not likes. And it’s the same with me for her. So my desire here is not for you to boost my ego and say, yup you’re right (neither no, you’re wrong) but that you would show me scripture that I can then present to her that shows that my desire to be nurtured — not nagged — is not all that crazy.

    peace and blessings

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