How Do Soul Ties Form?

“The more sexual intercourse you have with a person, the more you connect not only in spirit, but also in soul. When your soul bonds with someone else’s soul, a fusing together of souls happens. When this happens, it is called a soul tie. Sex is not necessary for a soul tie to occur, but it is practically a given that a soul tie will be developed when you have sex with a person.

Your soul is considered your mind, your will and your emotions – your intellect, your desires and your feelings. You can be soul-tied to a person, place or thing and even to a demon. In other words, you can be mentally, emotionally and/or willfully bonded. A soul tie occurs when you have some type of void in your life. You try to fill this void by tying your soul to someone or something.

Soul ties can happen as a result of having sex with someone, or they can be the reason that you have sex with someone. A soul tie can trick you into thinking that you are “in love” with a person – making you want to tie together physically, in the same way that you are tied together in soul. Soul ties often lead people into sexual (and even homosexual) relations between friends. They often cause two people to get married for the wrong reasons. These marriages are miserable and empty and usually end in divorce. But my main point is that soul ties allow for the transference of demons.

Basically, anytime you are connected to a person: physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually – you are soul-tied to that person. That connection allows for the transfer of demons.”

Quote from, “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons” Get your copy for $15.00 on Amazon anytime, or enjoy this 25% discount when using this code C288T4NP at the following link:

https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query=laneen+haniah&sitesearch_type=STORE

~Insights from Dr. Intimacy~ © 2013

What Are Spiritual AIDS?

“I know that AIDS usually stands for “Auto Immune Deficiency Syndrome”. But when I think about AIDS in a spiritual sense, it stands for – “Attacked & Invaded During Sex”! AIDS is what happens when you have sex or even engage in sexual activity – you get attacked and invaded by the demons that are carried by your sex partners.”

Quote from, “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons” Get your copy for $15.00 on Amazon anytime, or enjoy this 25% discount when using this code C288T4NP at the following link:

https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query=laneen+haniah&sitesearch_type=STORE

~Insights from Dr. Intimacy~ © 2013

QUESTION: WHY DOES LIFE GET SO MESSY AFTER YOU HAVE SEX? WHY DOES SEX CHANGE YOUR LIFE SO MUCH?

________________________________________

“ANSWER: YOU GET STDs.
I’m not talking about the kind of STDs that they teach you about at Planned Parent Hood. Not the kind that people claim a condom can protect you from. No – I’m talking about an STD that no condom can protect you from. The person who’s carrying it will show no physical signs that you can recognize. You won’t smell it or feel it, and even though you will see it; you won’t realize what it is.
I am not talking about a sexually transmitted disease. What I’m talking about is worse than a sexually transmitted disease. There is no medical cure for the STD that I’m talking about – no pill to pop or shot you can get. What’s even worse is that with this STD, you usually get multiple forms of it at one time.
WHAT ARE THESE STDs THAT I’M TALKING ABOUT? THEY ARE SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DEMONs!”

Quote from, “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons” Get your copy for $15.00 on Amazon anytime, or enjoy this 25% discount when using this code C288T4NP at the following link:

https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query=laneen+haniah&sitesearch_type=STORE

~Insights from Dr. Intimacy~ © 2013

Going Through a Divorce…

…Well, Get Through It Already!

Divorce_Cakes_101

Although the above picture probably gave you a chuckle, divorce is a sad thing – even if you desire the divorce, it is still a sad occasion. But what’s even sadder than getting a divorce, is NOT getting a divorce! There is almost nothing sadder than people who are “going through” a divorce for years and sometimes even decades. From the wife that just won’t accept the fact that her husband does not want to remain married; to the husband that files for divorce, as a bluff to force his wife to change, and finds that it is ineffectual; to the couple that is “staying together for the kids”… There are many reasons that people get stuck in the divorce process, but no matter what the reason, a couple in this situation, is LIVING IN AN OPEN GRAVE.

I interviewed an elderly gentleman today, whose “open grave” situation I became aware of, through one of my clients. I was highly intrigued by this gentleman’s story and privileged that he opened up to me about it. I want to share the interview. I pray that after learning of his story, if you are in your own “open grave” situation, you will very expeditiously get on the other side of “going through”, and redeem the precious remainder of your life!

Just as a side note, I made no attempt to “minister” to this gentleman because he did not come to me for counsel. He is a non-believer that respectfully agreed to an interview, and so I interviewed him like a journalist, in a non-biased manner. This is just FYI. I will call this man “Greg”.

▫ START:

Dr. Intimacy: For the record Greg, how old are you?

Greg: I am 70 years old. I can’t believe how fast the years have gone by. How old are you?

Dr. Intimacy: I am 37.

Greg: Oh, you are a young lady. You wait until you get into your mid 40’s, the years are going to start flying by.

Dr. Intimacy: So Greg, tell me about this big change that you are going to be making in your life in the coming months.

Greg: Well, I am going to be moving out of the country to be with my soul mate. I finally found “the one”.

Dr. Intimacy: You have been married for 45 years Greg. Are you going to “officially” divorce your wife before you leave?

Greg: No, at my age, it’s not worth it.

Dr. Intimacy: Isn’t your freedom worth it?

Greg: Listen, I don’t want anything from my wife. I have paid the house off and I am signing the deed over to her. I am going to continue to pay her bills and she can have everything. In this state that I live in, I will have to pay all of her legal fees if we go through a divorce. There is no way I am going to pay $50,000 to fight over a $500 couch! If she files and wants an uncontested divorce, I will gladly sign the papers, but it doesn’t matter to me either way. I am leaving the country.

Dr. Intimacy: Is your wife aware of your plans?

Greg: No she isn’t. I have done everything very discreetly. I have taken care of all of my affairs. I have already purchased my burial plot. My son is the executor of my estate. My funeral costs are paid for.  I am debt free… I have not told her anything. I did what I had to do to make this happen. I will not tell her until I am just about to leave.

Dr. Intimacy: I see. Greg let me ask you something… I know that you are pretty sick. At your age and with your health challenges and so much of your youth and vitality gone, do you have any regrets about not making this change sooner, so you could have enjoyed more years of your li… (cut off before I could even finish the sentence).

Greg: OH YES! Do I regret it! I feel like I have wasted 45 years of my life!!!

Dr. Intimacy: Well Greg, help me understand your thought process. If you knew so many years ago that you were experiencing that depth of misery, why didn’t you leave long ago? From what I understand, you have worked all these years to ensure that you could come out ahead financially when you finally “freed” yourself. But, how could you value provision and finance above your own happiness, freedom and peace?

Greg: You don’t understand, it’s not that simple. I mean, this woman… I don’t want to say she’s a bad person, but there is just something about her… Her own sister has not spoken to her in 27 years. She has a brother that is a pastor and even he has not spoken to her in 25 years! Her problem is that she wants to control everybody’s life! I mean…

Dr. Intimacy: Again Greg, my question is – why was money worth staying, if it was that bad?

Greg: You know Laneen, I filed for divorce in 2001. When the litigation began, it was very nasty. My lawyer really screwed me. I could have sued the lawyer for breach of contract, it was so bad! The whole thing was a big waste of money, and I ended up having to have the case removed from the docket, due to the lawyer’s incompetence! I hate litigation. I lost a half a million dollars in litigation back in 1983! I hate litigation, any kind of litigation, even divorce litigation. I haven’t lived with my wife since 2001. So, the way I see it, I saved $50,000 in litigation fees!

Dr. Intimacy: Ok Greg, putting your hatred for litigation aside; let me ask you a philosophical question. You said to me earlier that you feel you have wasted 45 years of your life. Let’s just say that 30 years ago, you went ahead and finalized your divorce. Let’s say that the worse case scenario happened in the divorce outcome – you lost everything, had a ton of legal fees and had to pay a huge alimony settlement. After the outcome of the divorce, let’s say you got on with your life, entered into a happy marriage with another woman and lived life peacefully and happily from that point forward… To add 30 years of peace back to your life, would it had not been worth the $50,000?

Greg: (In a sad and somber tone) Yes.

Dr. Intimacy: What if it had cost you $100,000 or even if it cost you a million dollars… Isn’t your life worth it? So at 70 years old you’re finally debt free – but so what if going through the divorce had cost you an extra five years of debt?! Would it really matter 30 happy years later?

Greg: You’re right. My life was worth more.

Dr. Intimacy: So did you save $50,000, or did you lose 30 years of your life?

Greg: You know what the worst part about it is?

Dr. Intimacy: What Greg?

Greg: When you go through life unhappy, you become an angry person. You become someone other than who you really are. And honestly, living a happy life is going to add another 5 or 10 years to your life anyway.

Dr. Intimacy: So you would have time to make up for the money you lost, huh? (Laugh)

Greg: Exactly! (Laugh)

Dr. Intimacy: Greg, let me ask you this. Were you ever in love with your wife?

Greg: I thought I was, but I knew the first week we were married that I had made a mistake.

Dr. Intimacy: Really? How did you know that?

Greg: I don’t know; I just knew. We didn’t have a single commonality. We are completely different in every way. It wasn’t just that though. I don’t really know how to explain it. I just knew. When you find the right person, you just know, and it really makes a difference… Doesn’t it?

Dr. Intimacy: Yes, Greg. I agree. I do have one final question for you. Your friend that made me aware of your situation is in a similar type of marriage, of 32 years. (He is 56 and filed for divorce nearly two years ago and has yet to finalize it.) From my sessions with him, I understand that he is completely divorced from his wife physically, mentally and emotionally but will not finalize the divorce on paper due to finances. He wants to “get his affairs in order”, just the same as you have finally completed at 70 years of age. But you and I both know that realistically, with the amount of debt that he is in; it will be a number of years before he is financially “comfortable” enough to come out ahead in a divorce. As one of your best friends, doesn’t it hurt you to see him going down the same path that you traveled?

Greg: Yes, I have to talk to him! I have to tell him not to make the same mistake that I made. Life is not about money. It is about so much more than money. Let’s face it; I am a very sick man. I am 70 years old, and the average lifespan for a US male is 73. I don’t have many years left; certainly not many good years. Even if I live another 10 years, that is not a lot of time! I am determined to be happy for the last years of my life. I don’t want him to make the same mistake that I made. I am going to talk to him and tell him that he needs to be happy and enjoy his life. Life is not about money.

Dr. Intimacy: OK, thank you so much for your time Greg. I appreciate you sharing.

END

As a minister of The Gospel, divorce breaks my heart just as much as it does any preacher’s. However, it is an undeniable fact that some marriages are erroneous, contaminated unions of flesh that produce nothing but bad fruit. Yeshua says in scripture that you shall know a tree by its fruit, whether the tree is good or bad. When you examine the fruit of some marriages, you will find that it is rotten to the core. Even some marriages that have lasted for years and even decades, are producing rotten fruit that is contaminating the nation with adultery, bitterness, hatred, thwarted purposes, destroyed destinies and misrepresentations of holy matrimony.

If you know in your heart that your marriage is over with; if both you and your spouse are not 100% committed to making the marriage honor the holy matrimony that God intended for it to be; if you know that you have already given your heart to someone else; if you have not touched your spouse in years and don’t even want to again; if you are only staying together for the kids; if your spouse has filed for divorce and you refuse to accept that it’s over; if your spouse is having an open affair without repentance; if you are a woman who is afraid that you can’t survive financially on your own; if you are a man fearful of losing all that you’ve worked for; if you think divorce is too expensive… Whatever your empty excuses are for living in the open grave that has become your life, I ask you to consider:

Price versus Cost…

Yes, getting a divorce can be financially burdensome. It can be hard on the children. The changes you have to face are fearful and overwhelming at times. It can be murder on your public reputation. Divorce is expensive in a lot of ways. The price is hefty, but what will it cost you to stay: Price v. Cost? Will it cost you 45 years of life, like it has cost Greg? Will you be dying of cancer, trying to escape the country before you finally realize that there was no price too great to pay to get your life back on the right path, as quickly as possible? Will you have spent so many years in bitterness that it ate away your bones and rotted away your dreams?

I have been through divorce, and it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. But, I made it; I am here; I recovered; I am alive. I don’t wish that anyone would have to go through the death of divorce. But I would rather completely die once, and then be fully resurrected and restored to health, than to spend the rest of my existence bedridden, in a brain-dead, vegetative state: That is the difference between finalizing a divorce and living continuously in a divorced state of heart! Once someone is divorced in the heart and unwilling to reconcile, the marriage is over. It is a disgraceful waste of life to continue in that state!

Everyone makes mistakes. Some mistakes, like a poorly chosen spouse, are more painful than others. But what is exceedingly more painful than making a mistake, is punishing yourself to live in that mistake forever. You have the option of forgiveness, restoration and wholeness. You can begin your life again, anew. So quit punishing yourself! STOP “going through” divorce, and “get through” with divorce! Redeem the rest of your life immediately! Don’t waste another precious moment of peace and purpose! The pain and the price is worth it; your soul will thank you; take it from Greg!

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Worship from a Holistic Perspective –

Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion and healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy.

http://www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2013 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

Ask Dr. Intimacy – Help for Married Men

How do you get over desire for a former partner when you are happily married? Is oral sex spoken of in the Bible? How can you show your wife in scripture that she should honor you and not nag you? All of these questions are addressed in this video. I recorded this video especially with Christian men in mind. I hope it blesses you. Enjoy!

Sex Will Enslave You!

“I was under the curse – I could not say ‘no’. I didn’t know why, but it seemed like a fact. The Bible says in Romans 6:16, “Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey GOD, which leads to righteous living.” That first choice that I made to obey the lust in my body made me a slave to sexual sin for a long time to come. I was under the curse of sin and it certainly was leading me to death.”

Quote from, “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons” Get your copy for $15.00 on Amazon anytime, or enjoy this 25% discount when using this code C288T4NP at the following link:

https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query=laneen+haniah&sitesearch_type=STORE

~Insights from Dr. Intimacy~ © 2013

SEX CHANGES YOUR LIFE!

“…My life changed – my life changed dramatically after that night. I can literally pinpoint the changes that occurred in my life to that day and hour that I first had sexual intercourse. After that horrific, yet comical, first-time sexual experience that I had – MY LIFE CHANGED DRAMATICALLY. What most people don’t realize is that SEX CHANGES YOUR LIFE. It doesn’t change it just a little bit either. Sex changes your life very dramatically and very specifically…”

#HowHasSexChangedYourLife?

Quote from, “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons”. Get your copy for $15.00 on Amazon.com anytime, or enjoy this 25% discount today when using this code C288T4NP at the following link:

https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query=laneen+haniah&sitesearch_type=STORE

~Insights from Dr. Intimacy~ © 2013

I Am Not the Only – I Am Only One of Many…

“I am a licensed Christian Minister, Evangelist, Preacher of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and a Yahweh-ordained Prophetess of The Kingdom. I am also a mother of seven beautiful, well-behaved children, a respected businesswoman and an accomplished author – and more “good stuff” yadda, yadda, yadda… However, none of those accomplishments erases the fact that I am a woman with a nasty and dirty past. This is the truth, but you know what? I am not the only one; I am only one of many.

There are numerous men and women hiding behind families, successful business careers and clergy collars; trying desperately to escape the truth about their past (and sometimes their present). Somebody has to be willing to be a voice of truth, and I signed up for the job. Sometimes I like my job, sometimes I dread it – but I am committed to doing it all the same. I am committed because I learned some stuff in my dirty days. I learned something that can help you right now, right where you are.”

Quote from, “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons

#AreYouOneOfMany? #GetYourCopyOnAmazonToday!

~Insights from Dr. Intimacy~ © 03/11/2013

You Can’t Cast Out LOVE: Part 2 – Love Will Last Forever…

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This is a continuation of the article “You Can’t Cast Out Love – Part 1”. Click on link to read Part 1.

…The bible reads in John 8:32, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” We as church leaders need to be set free by the truth before we can set anyone else free with it. The truth that we need to know in regards to sinful relationships is that these couples do fall in LOVE, and their LOVE covers over the sin of their fornication. The conviction may be in their hearts, but it gives way to the LOVE that consumes them. Pease let no one misunderstand me! I clearly and emphatically declare that pre-wedding-ceremony-sex is sinful; IT IS FORNICATION. Homosexuality is a sin; adultery is a sin; teenage sexual love affairs are a sin. The fornication that is birthed out of these relationships is not a product of LOVE; it is a product of lust. Yet simultaneously, I am also clearly and emphatically acknowledging that there is still genuine LOVE in these relationships that is expressed through sexuality.

According to James 1:13-14, 13Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted from GOD; for GOD is incapable of being tempted by [what is] evil and He Himself tempts no one. 14But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions).” Here it is made clear to us that the LOVE of Yahweh living inside of us does not tempt us to sin. Every sin, whether it be lying, stealing, cheating, cussing, hating, or fornicating is birthed out of our own lust. However, there are different types of lust – greed (lust for more), gluttony (lust for food), jealousy (lust for attention), lasciviousness (physical lust for sex), hatred (lust for death and murder), gossip (lust for destruction), loneliness (lust for companionship), stealing (lust for provision or material possessions), etc, etc, etc… This list, of course, could go on and on. My point is simply this: ‘lust’ and ‘sin’ are two synonymous and completely interchangeable words. The definition of lust is NOT ‘sexual sin’. The definition of lust is ‘the desire for unrighteousness; the willingness to break The Law’.  The reason that I am defining what lust is and what it is NOT is because it is important to understand that NOT EVERY SEXUAL SIN IS BIRTHED OUT OF SEXUAL LUST (lasciviousness).

There are times when couples, through mishandling LOVE, express sexually what they share with one another. This type of sexual sin is no more the product of lasciviousness than a person stealing food to feed their children is the product of greed. It is critical to know and discern the difference because the biblical prescription that treats one sin-sickness, will not necessarily work on another. We have to accurately diagnose the sin issue and prescribe the correct spiritual applications and revelations for deliverance. Misdiagnosing a loving couple as victims of lasciviousness will ultimately leave them “stuck” in the situation that they are in. Depression (lust for happiness), ignorance (lust for freedom from accountability), or loneliness (lust for companionship) is more likely an accurate diagnosis than lasciviousness.

So how do we as leaders help people in these situations? How do we counsel and advise them? How do we comfort the person that is experiencing the agony that I described at the beginning of this article? As a person facing this challenge, when the relationship ends or NEEDS to end, how can you stop the bleeding? WE MUST FIRST UNDERSTAND THAT WE CANNOT “CAST OUT LOVE”. You can cast out a spirit of depression, suicide, loneliness, fornication – you can break the stronghold of lust, and wash away the stains of sin. And yet, after all of the praying, rebuking, repenting, binding, pleading, reciting, communing and religious ceremonies are said and done; when every evil spirit is gone and every sin forgiven; you will still have a person that is experiencing the loss of a LOVED one.

What this person goes through is exactly what any person goes through when a loved one dies. In every literal and symbolic sense, a person going through a break-up experiences the exact same pain associated with the death of a loved one. You cannot cast out the LOVE that grew between these two people, and you cannot pray away the sadness of the loss. What a person in this type of situation needs most of all is emotional and spiritual healing. They are hurting, broken, bloody and wounded, and there is no quick fix. Prayers of repentance and scriptures about lust and sexual sin WILL NOT help the one whose heart is broken.  While prayer and repentance is a necessary part of the process, walking the person through the grieving process is just as vital. There are five stages of grieving that are commonly taught:

  1. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
  2. Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
  3. Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
  4. Oppression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
  5. Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”

 It is important to remember that although this feels exactly like the death of a loved one to the person going through it, it is not an actual death in most cases. How many people would bring back their loved ones from the grave if possible? Most people would! And herein lies the one, major difference between an actual death and the death of a relationship: in the case of a painful break-up, IT IS POSSIBLE to bring the loved one back from the grave. If both parties are willing and able to reconcile, the temptation to do so will be very strong – as strong as a mother’s desire to bring her child back from the dead! Therefore, without implementation and understanding of the grieving process, most people will never make it through step 3 before they go “grave-digging”. Step 4 is usually the crushing weight that will cause them to pick up the phone to set up a meeting to “kiss and make up” – falling back into the pit of fornication. Without support in the grieving process, this will happen over and over again becoming a vicious, sometimes life-long cycle, leading to the death of purpose and destiny in the lives of the participants –  often too leaving the involved leaders feeling helpless and ineffective.

I wrote this article because it is time for us church leaders to stop writing off every sinful relationship as a product of sexual lust and understand and acknowledge that in the midst of sin, LOVE can still live. If LOVE could not live in the midst of sin, then the Holy Spirit could not dwell in any of us! If LOVE could not live in the midst of sin, Yeshua (Jesus) would have died at birth on this sinful earth! We cannot help those suffering the agony of feeling trapped in fornication or those that have just gone through a painful separation, if we don’t understand the hurt they are feeling and why they are feeling it. Grief counseling, healing scriptures, comforting fellowship, peaceful music, positive activities and as much natural support as possible is what it is going to take – in addition to the binding, rebuking, and repenting that goes forth – in order for the person to be made whole again.

LOVE is just who GOD is, and where there is any measure of LOVE, Yahweh surely is somewhere near. In a world that is full of hatred and evil, the privilege of experiencing LOVE, no matter how it comes, is a blessing. Often times the love discovered in illicit relationships is the pathway to understanding LOVE on a greater level and learning to walk in a greater measure of LOVE.  Truly genuine LOVE will always create a pathway to the heart of The Father, which is why the scriptures say, “therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. (Jer 31:3, KJV)”.  When it is all said and done, every sin will be forgiven and thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. When a sinful union occurs, after the couple has repented, the sin element is remembered no more. However the LOVE produced will remain forever: “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and LOVE—and the greatest of these is LOVE. (1 Cor 13:13, NLT)”.

I say all of this to help us change our FOCUS. It is not that our approach as leaders and healers has been necessarily wrong, but it has been incomplete and disorganized. When a sick person is bleeding profusely, regardless of what else is wrong with that person, the FIRST procedure is always to address the wound that is causing the bleeding. If the bleeding is not stopped, the person will quickly bleed to death, making all other “procedures” obsolete. After all, there is no point to treating a corpse. So instead of FOCUSING on the lust of a relationship, which is a negative focus, let us focus instead on the LOVE it produced. That positive focus will enable the suffering individuals to use the power of that LOVE to begin the healing process. Remember that it is impossible for LOVE to die, as LOVE is a product of the The Nature of GOD, and GOD forever lives. Although LOVE never dies, it can be transferred or redirected. The LOVE that is shared between the couple can be channeled into loving Their Savior, themselves and their neighbors. As long as that LOVE is flowing through them, the power of that LOVE will heal them. Every wound that had been formerly infected with lust will eventually heal. Ultimately, when infected wounds heal, by default the infection of lust is purged out of their systems.

I pray that this will help us adopt new methods of counseling the broken hearted. Too many couples are dying unnecessarily on the battlefield of love because the doctors in the infirmary are treating the wrong disease. It is said that time heals all wounds, but that is not true. Time does not heal wounds, but all wounds will heal in time, if properly treated. Those wounds that never heal will eventually infect and kill us…

Please check back in for the Part 3 of this powerful article. Are you are a subscriber to the Insights from Dr. Intimacy blog? Be sure to subscribe to be notified of new articles. Your email address will never be sold or shared.

In the Power of  HIS Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion ~ Healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy…

www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2013 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

You Can’t Cast Out Love: Part 1 – Fornication and Forbidden Love

ForbiddenLove

This article has been in my belly growing and developing for quite some time now. It feels long overdue, but finally I am in labor to give birth to a revelation that I believe may save some lives and some destinies… and maybe some potentially good relationships that would have otherwise been cast into the fire. So here it goes and I do hope I get some insightful feedback on this one…

“Another day lying on the bed in emotional agony; pain stabbing me in the chest as if a finely sharpened pitch fork is being plunged into my heart over and over again. I feel hollow inside, as if a vortex of nothingness has sucked my spirit into an abyss of blackness. There is no light anywhere around me, there is no joy, there is no comfort, there is no peace, there is no hope… There is nothing except endless, painful, agonizing torture every day.

They told me that it is a spirit of depression, so they prayed to break its hold over me – but it didn’t work. They told me that it was a soul tie, so they prayed to cut it – but it didn’t work. They told me to recite Psalm 23, three times a day for 30 days – but it didn’t work. They told me that it was a spirit of lust trying to draw me into sin and that I must fight against it – repent, bind it, and renounce it, and I shall be free – but that didn’t work either. They all had their explanations, but to no avail. Not one of their methods, prescriptions, remedies, prayers, or scriptures brought relief to the insane ache that constantly resonated throughout my being…”

Have you ever experienced this kind of pain? I know that I certainly have. It is the pain and agony that many experience as a relationship ends. It is the type of pain that is indescribable. It is the type of feeling that only those who have felt it can relate to. I can recall one particularly sudden break-up that left me in this type of pain. The first night after the break-up, I was lying on my bed in the dark, barely able to breathe. Sharp pains pierced my heart with every beat. I was fading in and out of consciousness, as dizziness swirled around in my head. I was sweating and feverish. I could not stand up because my legs would not work. I could not eat, as every part of my body rejected the notion of taking in life-sustaining food, when death lived inside of me. There was the constant taste of metal and blood in my mouth, and bitterness in my stomach.

I was dying – I was literally dying, and it was the first time that I knew someone could really die of a broken heart. I longed for death at that moment. I wanted to die and I could not ever see myself whole again at that time. Thinking of my family, I knew that I had to somehow hold on. In order to make it through the night, I asked a friend to come and stay with me. I knew at the very least, I wouldn’t die there in my home alone. It was a rough night for her though. Every 30 minutes or so, I let out a piercing scream into the atmosphere, without explanation. She didn’t know what was wrong with me, and I didn’t know how to explain it. She asked me if I needed to go to the hospital. But, what would have been the point of that – Can a broken heart be fixed in the ER?

They of church and religion have for too long, erroneously attempted to rectify this type of pain through ineffective methods that often times lead to great frustration for the one suffering. Me being a preacher, I have been guilty of this error in times past. It was not until I had to walk through it that I understood the error in how I had mishandled people who had come to me in this type of pain. I repeated to those seeking my help all of the things that had been said to me, “You need to pray; you need to fast; you don’t need him anyway; God has better things in store for you…” These were all truthful sayings, but they acted as band aids on bullet wounds. The so-called doctors of the faith had misdiagnosed my affliction and prescribed the wrong medicine, based on their wrong diagnosis.

What I have now learned through experience and revelation of the scriptures is that relationships forged in sin, are not necessarily absent of LOVE. Before my fall, I gave way to the common perception of the church. That common perception is this: relationships that do not glorify GOD can have absolutely no element of genuine LOVE. The case with most preachers is that they believe they must immediately disqualify, without further review, any relationship that has even the slightest trace of sinful origins. I believed the same. Being a married preacher of the Gospel at that time of my life, safely within the confines of a “loving marriage”, I could not comprehend how two people could claim to be in LOVE and yet put each other’s mortal souls in danger. I know that I am not the only one who has heard the saying, “real love waits”.

What is “real LOVE” though? Who really knows, and how many of us actually walk in it? If the truth be told, many husbands and wives do not walk in LOVE with one another. Many parents do not walk in LOVE with their children. Many shepherds do not walk in LOVE with their flock. Many Believers do not walk in LOVE with their Savior. And yet, as is so often the case with the spirit of religion, the church society has SINGLED OUT “unmarried couples” to put on display as the ultimate example of a loveless relationship. While conveniently overlooking the hatred, bitterness, rebellion, jealousy, anger, depression, etcetera…, in their own homes and churches, they pick at the splinter in the eye of those that have found a measure of LOVE in some unaccepted or unconventional way. And why are these “unmarried couples” the castaways of the church-world, relationship ethics committee? It is because they are classified as fornicators.

In actuality, most people do not even know what the word ‘fornication’ means. What answer pops into your head when I ask, “What is the meaning of fornication?” If you are like most people, your answer is, “sex outside of marriage”. BANNNNHHHH! Wrong answer!!! Fornication’s literal translation is “illicit sexual activity”. Fornication is the spirit behind masturbation, pornography, adultery, molestation – and also, sex prior to publicly exchanging wedding vows (what many mistakenly refer to as “premarital sex”). However, by that definition, how much fornication is going on in so many marriages? If we apply the same blanket generalization to ALL instances of sexual perversion – that generalization being that in the presence of fornication there is the absence of LOVE – then even many married couples would join the castaway club!

One of the most powerful statements in the bible for me is found in 1 John 4:8, “…GOD is LOVE”. Yahweh GOD and LOVE are actually made equal in this scripture, without prejudice or distinction! Another of my favorites is found in 1 Peter 4:8, “Above all, LOVE each other deeply, because LOVE covers over a multitude of sins.” You see the truth of the matter is LOVE is the most powerful force in the universe because LOVE is the very essence of The Father’s nature.  John 3:16 says, “For GOD so LOVED the world…” The Father sent His son to die for our sins out of the pure LOVE of His essence. Aren’t we all made in the likeness and image of this same GOD who is called LOVE? Yes, certainly we are! Therefore every human being is born with the capacity to LOVE. LOVE is as natural to us as breathing. The capability to LOVE is a part of the standard makeup of every living soul.

There is no one that has become perfectly like The Creator. We are all striving to be like HIM. We are all born with a measure of LOVE, a measure of GOD’s Nature that develops according to how it is nurtured. It is that measure that enables even atheists, skin heads and murders to love those closest to their hearts. Although hard to admit, most of us know these things to be true and have personally witnessed a measure of LOVE being released through someone we would deem totally wicked. That being the case, why is it so hard for some Christians to believe that even though a relationship is forged in sin, there is yet LOVE in the midst of it?  Two homosexuals can be in love; two teenagers can be in love; a mistress can be in love with her married man, and a married man his mistress; a john can be in love with his hooker and a hooker her pimp! And while it is certainly right and proper for a couple to remain sexually pure until they officially unite in matrimony (when that is a righteously appropriate option), we know in this world it very seldom happens that way. Therefore, if we are truly going to help couples that have fallen into this tar pit of fornication escape its grips; we are going to have to start by acknowledging the genuine LOVE that these people share. By attempting to dis-validate their experience of love, we push them into isolation and shut ourselves off from the revelatory insight that can truly set them free.

The bible reads in John 8:32, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” We as church leaders need to be set free by the truth before we can set anyone else free with it. The truth that we need to know in regards to sinful relationships is that these couples do fall in LOVE, and their LOVE covers over the sin of their fornication. The conviction may be in their hearts, but it gives way to the LOVE that consumes them. Pease let no one misunderstand me! I clearly and emphatically declare that pre-wedding-ceremony-sex is sinful; IT IS FORNICATION. Homosexuality is a sin; adultery is a sin; teenage sexual love affairs are a sin. The fornication that is birthed out of these relationships is not a product of LOVE, it is a product of lust. Yet simultaneously, I am also clearly and emphatically acknowledging that there is still genuine LOVE in these relationships that is expressed through sexuality.

Please check back in for the Part 2 of this powerful article. Are you are a subscriber to the Insights from Dr. Intimacy blog? Be sure to subscribe to be notified of new articles. Your email address will never be sold or shared.

In the Power of  HIS Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion ~ Healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy…

www.drintimacy.com

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