You Can’t Cast Out LOVE: Part 2 – Love Will Last Forever…


This is a continuation of the article “You Can’t Cast Out Love – Part 1”. Click on link to read Part 1.

…The bible reads in John 8:32, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” We as church leaders need to be set free by the truth before we can set anyone else free with it. The truth that we need to know in regards to sinful relationships is that these couples do fall in LOVE, and their LOVE covers over the sin of their fornication. The conviction may be in their hearts, but it gives way to the LOVE that consumes them. Pease let no one misunderstand me! I clearly and emphatically declare that pre-wedding-ceremony-sex is sinful; IT IS FORNICATION. Homosexuality is a sin; adultery is a sin; teenage sexual love affairs are a sin. The fornication that is birthed out of these relationships is not a product of LOVE; it is a product of lust. Yet simultaneously, I am also clearly and emphatically acknowledging that there is still genuine LOVE in these relationships that is expressed through sexuality.

According to James 1:13-14, 13Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted from GOD; for GOD is incapable of being tempted by [what is] evil and He Himself tempts no one. 14But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions).” Here it is made clear to us that the LOVE of Yahweh living inside of us does not tempt us to sin. Every sin, whether it be lying, stealing, cheating, cussing, hating, or fornicating is birthed out of our own lust. However, there are different types of lust – greed (lust for more), gluttony (lust for food), jealousy (lust for attention), lasciviousness (physical lust for sex), hatred (lust for death and murder), gossip (lust for destruction), loneliness (lust for companionship), stealing (lust for provision or material possessions), etc, etc, etc… This list, of course, could go on and on. My point is simply this: ‘lust’ and ‘sin’ are two synonymous and completely interchangeable words. The definition of lust is NOT ‘sexual sin’. The definition of lust is ‘the desire for unrighteousness; the willingness to break The Law’.  The reason that I am defining what lust is and what it is NOT is because it is important to understand that NOT EVERY SEXUAL SIN IS BIRTHED OUT OF SEXUAL LUST (lasciviousness).

There are times when couples, through mishandling LOVE, express sexually what they share with one another. This type of sexual sin is no more the product of lasciviousness than a person stealing food to feed their children is the product of greed. It is critical to know and discern the difference because the biblical prescription that treats one sin-sickness, will not necessarily work on another. We have to accurately diagnose the sin issue and prescribe the correct spiritual applications and revelations for deliverance. Misdiagnosing a loving couple as victims of lasciviousness will ultimately leave them “stuck” in the situation that they are in. Depression (lust for happiness), ignorance (lust for freedom from accountability), or loneliness (lust for companionship) is more likely an accurate diagnosis than lasciviousness.

So how do we as leaders help people in these situations? How do we counsel and advise them? How do we comfort the person that is experiencing the agony that I described at the beginning of this article? As a person facing this challenge, when the relationship ends or NEEDS to end, how can you stop the bleeding? WE MUST FIRST UNDERSTAND THAT WE CANNOT “CAST OUT LOVE”. You can cast out a spirit of depression, suicide, loneliness, fornication – you can break the stronghold of lust, and wash away the stains of sin. And yet, after all of the praying, rebuking, repenting, binding, pleading, reciting, communing and religious ceremonies are said and done; when every evil spirit is gone and every sin forgiven; you will still have a person that is experiencing the loss of a LOVED one.

What this person goes through is exactly what any person goes through when a loved one dies. In every literal and symbolic sense, a person going through a break-up experiences the exact same pain associated with the death of a loved one. You cannot cast out the LOVE that grew between these two people, and you cannot pray away the sadness of the loss. What a person in this type of situation needs most of all is emotional and spiritual healing. They are hurting, broken, bloody and wounded, and there is no quick fix. Prayers of repentance and scriptures about lust and sexual sin WILL NOT help the one whose heart is broken.  While prayer and repentance is a necessary part of the process, walking the person through the grieving process is just as vital. There are five stages of grieving that are commonly taught:

  1. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
  2. Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
  3. Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
  4. Oppression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
  5. Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”

 It is important to remember that although this feels exactly like the death of a loved one to the person going through it, it is not an actual death in most cases. How many people would bring back their loved ones from the grave if possible? Most people would! And herein lies the one, major difference between an actual death and the death of a relationship: in the case of a painful break-up, IT IS POSSIBLE to bring the loved one back from the grave. If both parties are willing and able to reconcile, the temptation to do so will be very strong – as strong as a mother’s desire to bring her child back from the dead! Therefore, without implementation and understanding of the grieving process, most people will never make it through step 3 before they go “grave-digging”. Step 4 is usually the crushing weight that will cause them to pick up the phone to set up a meeting to “kiss and make up” – falling back into the pit of fornication. Without support in the grieving process, this will happen over and over again becoming a vicious, sometimes life-long cycle, leading to the death of purpose and destiny in the lives of the participants –  often too leaving the involved leaders feeling helpless and ineffective.

I wrote this article because it is time for us church leaders to stop writing off every sinful relationship as a product of sexual lust and understand and acknowledge that in the midst of sin, LOVE can still live. If LOVE could not live in the midst of sin, then the Holy Spirit could not dwell in any of us! If LOVE could not live in the midst of sin, Yeshua (Jesus) would have died at birth on this sinful earth! We cannot help those suffering the agony of feeling trapped in fornication or those that have just gone through a painful separation, if we don’t understand the hurt they are feeling and why they are feeling it. Grief counseling, healing scriptures, comforting fellowship, peaceful music, positive activities and as much natural support as possible is what it is going to take – in addition to the binding, rebuking, and repenting that goes forth – in order for the person to be made whole again.

LOVE is just who GOD is, and where there is any measure of LOVE, Yahweh surely is somewhere near. In a world that is full of hatred and evil, the privilege of experiencing LOVE, no matter how it comes, is a blessing. Often times the love discovered in illicit relationships is the pathway to understanding LOVE on a greater level and learning to walk in a greater measure of LOVE.  Truly genuine LOVE will always create a pathway to the heart of The Father, which is why the scriptures say, “therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. (Jer 31:3, KJV)”.  When it is all said and done, every sin will be forgiven and thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. When a sinful union occurs, after the couple has repented, the sin element is remembered no more. However the LOVE produced will remain forever: “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and LOVE—and the greatest of these is LOVE. (1 Cor 13:13, NLT)”.

I say all of this to help us change our FOCUS. It is not that our approach as leaders and healers has been necessarily wrong, but it has been incomplete and disorganized. When a sick person is bleeding profusely, regardless of what else is wrong with that person, the FIRST procedure is always to address the wound that is causing the bleeding. If the bleeding is not stopped, the person will quickly bleed to death, making all other “procedures” obsolete. After all, there is no point to treating a corpse. So instead of FOCUSING on the lust of a relationship, which is a negative focus, let us focus instead on the LOVE it produced. That positive focus will enable the suffering individuals to use the power of that LOVE to begin the healing process. Remember that it is impossible for LOVE to die, as LOVE is a product of the The Nature of GOD, and GOD forever lives. Although LOVE never dies, it can be transferred or redirected. The LOVE that is shared between the couple can be channeled into loving Their Savior, themselves and their neighbors. As long as that LOVE is flowing through them, the power of that LOVE will heal them. Every wound that had been formerly infected with lust will eventually heal. Ultimately, when infected wounds heal, by default the infection of lust is purged out of their systems.

I pray that this will help us adopt new methods of counseling the broken hearted. Too many couples are dying unnecessarily on the battlefield of love because the doctors in the infirmary are treating the wrong disease. It is said that time heals all wounds, but that is not true. Time does not heal wounds, but all wounds will heal in time, if properly treated. Those wounds that never heal will eventually infect and kill us…

Please check back in for the Part 3 of this powerful article. Are you are a subscriber to the Insights from Dr. Intimacy blog? Be sure to subscribe to be notified of new articles. Your email address will never be sold or shared.

In the Power of  HIS Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion ~ Healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy…

Copyright © 2013 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

4 thoughts on “You Can’t Cast Out LOVE: Part 2 – Love Will Last Forever…

  1. Let just remember the salary of sin is … death. God – who sees all – has its mysterious ways to force us mere mortals to follow the right path. The first advice would be for each person to go and repent and repair their sins, and who knows, may be God will have mercy on them. But let’s always remember that the salary of sin is … death. In a way this is JUSTICE.

  2. I really appreciate this article it touches on some very valid points. I remember hearing a woman who is involved in a ministry for broken women. Mostly prostitutes and women who had been sexually abused. A year after my first deliverance, I was so very unhappy and broken. I knew that God wanted to heal me from some abuses in my past. I reached out to this woman and the first thing out of her mouth was anything other than healing. At that point, i had a series of losses stacked up against me along with being in a very foul and abusive place. Though I’d kept myself away from men and relationships other than my children, At the time I reached out to this woman, the only 3 words ended up being more of a death blow than healing. Upon our first conversation, she looked at me with a little disdain and said to me “You smell like you’ve been drinking.” Immediately i wanted to defend that. Drugs and alcohol were NEVER the tool the enemy used against me; something he could never tempt me with. Her statement came as an assumption as well as “vield accusation” However desperate for help, i agreed to meet her @ the home I was living in. As I shared with her what was going on with me. She as well as the women who were @ my deliverance all attended the same church. She did not hesitate to tell me that under these 2 women’s ministry many other women had been mishandled and hurt. The next thing this woman said to me was Sounds like you are bleeding out. With that, she gathered her belongings and left me in that state. NOT ONCE offering help or a remedy. I can remember saying to myself what paramedic, or EMT or anyone of that capacity would clearly see a person dying and walk away? You wouldn’t. Yet it’s the very thing we do in the name of God. But what God? The next person to walk into my life that day would be the man who though he claimed to love me would be the man who would be the one to systematically abuse and allow others to abuse me over the next 10 years.

    For me, right after my fist deliverance, the one scripture that I was led to and spoke to me the most was Ezekiel 16 , for me it seemed to “blanket” my mind for a moment. Yes to me it’s a very powerful portion of scripture. However for a “babe” in Christ, it’s equivalent to giving a 357 magnum to a child or a drivers license to a baby and expect to “know’ how to use it. I believe many times we look @ a persons chronological age and make a assessment and a judgement that that persons emotional and mental compass is pointing “true north” when in fact it’s spinning around and around and out of control. For me I call it “Trapped and Arrested Development.” 10 years ago was both the saddest and happiest day of my life, followed by 10 years of hatred for even myself. In so many way we as the church have become that “thing” that hinders God and a persons total healing an restoration. We jump at a chance to lay hands on someone but one all of that poison begins to spew out we run and hide as to not get contaminated by “whatever’ somebody has. And again, I personally have never seen a Dr or medical professional look at a person who has a physical situation and look at or deal with them with disdain. Once the poison starts to spew the Dr says “Oh I can’t deal with that.” and aborts what he was “called” to do. For me, I have often wondered if there was a such thing as “spiritual malpractice” For me, I have felt like I have been abused, molested and raped over and over again only this time by the church and minsters of the HEALING MINISTRY OF JESUS CHRIST.

    We come into the church with God being our last hope understanding that men an women of the cloth are Gods reps on earth, we answer and alter call for salvation and immediately we are thrust into a battle between God and satan and really used as shields and satan bait. Already wounded, maimed, and damaged, encouraged to go out and fight another day. We’re told that God loves us, however…………… I look at my little 3 year old daughter and there is no way in h*** that I would watch her with a life threatening injury and sit back and watch her bleed to death nor would I find it acceptable for another person to allow that if I wasn’t there. I would die before I allowed another person to harm her. Yet we say that God does that and allows that to happen to us.

    Within this article, there were 2 things listed as a lust: Depression (lust for happiness), & loneliness (lust for companionship). That concerns me because it sends a message contrary to what i thought we were created for and that was relationship with people and it’s my understanding that our relationship with people is an indicator of our relationship with God. The way scripture spell it out I can’t love god who I can’t see and hate my brother who I see daily. That makes me a liar and the truth is not in me. For me Dr Intimacy when we begin to separate God from people we begin to open up that hellish door again to the incubus and succubus spirit. NONE of us were ever meant to be without friends, family and relationships. I begin to play with this imaginary friend called…….. my husband, my friend, my companion and the cycle continues.

    We place ourselves in the position that because a person has a wound and they got caught up in some sort of sin that they don’t have even “common sense” we tend to make people feel dumb and unqualified to to decide or know even certain aspects of who they are just as human beings. We thing that those things take away a persons capacity to learn again or to be taught. When 9 times out of 10 we just lack the tools. We expect wounded people not to be wounded and stand upright. A wound doesn’t cause you to loose a sense of who you are as a person it just means that the pain is too intense to focus on anything else. We do worse than the devil; We take away a persons identity.

    When the pain subsides, the most powerful question you could ever ask a person is “WHO WERE YOU BEFORE THAT THING HAPPENED TO YOU” However we don’t want to know that truth we want to know our own truth. However, had some one had the mind to LOVE THE SINNER AND NOT THE SIN and had the guts and the compassion to ask me I would told them that before all of the mess I was a beautiful woman a loving mother who had hope for her future and the future of her children. I had a love for life friends family and relationship. I woke up in the morning and when my feet hit the floor running and they didn’t leave the floor until my day was fulfilled. No not filled with day in and day out with habitual sin but with a purpose. A woman who was a fighter and had already overcome soooo many obstacles and a backpack full of testimony. A love for humanity and a desire out of this world to see another woman get her victory and to see her succeed. A woman who didn’t spend her days quoting scripture and finding fault and pointing out a persons flaws weakness, and shortcomings but a woman who found a strength in people and helped them to see and tap into that and loved every minute of it. A women who looked for opportunities to bless someone else even in my own storms. A woman who believed in God not because He was invisible but because He showed Himself though every loving act ever shown to me from my earliest memory ’till I came into a church. Through the church God has become anything but LOVE. The only thing I see now is a foul sinful creature who is unable to be redeemed. A woman who doesn’t even look up anymore. Love is no longer synonymous with God when quite the contrary THAT IS EXACTLY WHO HE IS: LOVE

    • BTW. The stages of grief outlined by Kubler-Ross are not for the “survivors” that model is/was designed for a person coming to terms with their own mortality. Even if used in this capacity as a prescription, there is no set time to complete the grief process and a person can pivot back and forth between stages. What becomes more important is that there are supports in place to help a person from falling all the way back to step one. I am a Certified Grief Facilitator. For me that training was the most awesome because model/method used. That is embracing the Holy Spirit as Paraklete; one who comes along side.

  3. sandiego08 says:

    Dr. Intimacy, thank you so much for putting into words what I have been experiencing for several years now. Reading this article brought me into tears, I finally felt understood. What I was experiencing that I could not even put into words myself anymore, after having tried everything out there, I was actually on the verge of giving up. The last few years have been a combination of all the things you mentioned ministers will try to do to help but do not get you anywhere- praying, rebuking, repenting, binding, pleading, reciting, you name it. Nothing worked, and I realize now why. Now that I have the proper diagnosis, I can move forward in trying to find the proper treatment to heal. I am looking forward to part 3.

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