Defining a “Real Man”


“WHY DO WOMEN THINK THEY HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO SAY WHAT ‘A REAL MAN’ IS? They [women] may know what they would like in a man, but they can’t define manhood any more than a man can define womanhood.” ~ Jay Caldwell~

So this was posted on a friend’s FB page. Although I see his point, at the end of the day it’s MY PERCEPTION of manhood that is going to determine whether or not I can accept the man that wants to pursue me or that I’m in a relationship with. What a “real man” is, is very subjective — subject to each person’s opinion and experiences. If I don’t perceive a man to be a “real man” then I won’t be able to honor, respect or submit to him. So ultimately, even as a woman, I have to be able to define what a “real man” is to me, in order to have a healthy and thriving relationship.

As a matter of fact, I did an entire show on what makes a man a “real man”. (Listen to is here In actuality, the term “real man” is the first problem, which is why I keep putting it in quotes. If you ask the wrong question, you are bound to get the wrong answer. It’s not a matter of “real”, it’s a matter of “mature”. A “real man” is born a male, with the XY chromosome distinction and has passed puberty. Nothing less or nothing more defines what a “real man” is. The proper question is – How do you define maturity in a man? Or in other words, when does a “real man” become a “mature man”?

I think that is one of the reasons that relationships are so messed up. We don’t communicate effectively. One of my missions is to expose myths, lies and deceptions. These are terms and ideologies that we’ve accepted that we don’t realize are hindering true understanding and elevation in relationships. If I can debunk the “real man” myth, then we can have some effective communication about what we really need to understand, which is that men… and women… need to mature into their roles in society, in relationships, in family, etc. 

What are your thoughts on this?

#DrIntimacy (c) 2017

2 thoughts on “Defining a “Real Man”

  1. smokeyb2014 says:

    Dr. I totally agree that a “real man” is defined by the level of maturity. It’s funny just yesterday my sister and I was discussing this very thing. I’ve had “real men” approach me and their first conversation was lead with an implied leading to sex. And some profess to be Christians. There have been others who refused to work on themselves. Were they “real men”? Yes, in the concept of physically but as far as maturity, no. There was no interest in getting to know if I was Lizzie Burton or Jack the Ripper. Maturity is the stamp of “real man”. And actions reveals maturity. My perception, my opinion.

  2. Great insight, thanks for sharing!

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