This is a continuation of the article “You Can’t Cast Out Love – Part 1”. Click on link to read Part 1.
…The bible reads in John 8:32, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” We as church leaders need to be set free by the truth before we can set anyone else free with it. The truth that we need to know in regards to sinful relationships is that these couples do fall in LOVE, and their LOVE covers over the sin of their fornication. The conviction may be in their hearts, but it gives way to the LOVE that consumes them. Pease let no one misunderstand me! I clearly and emphatically declare that pre-wedding-ceremony-sex is sinful; IT IS FORNICATION. Homosexuality is a sin; adultery is a sin; teenage sexual love affairs are a sin. The fornication that is birthed out of these relationships is not a product of LOVE; it is a product of lust. Yet simultaneously, I am also clearly and emphatically acknowledging that there is still genuine LOVE in these relationships that is expressed through sexuality.
According to James 1:13-14, “13Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted from GOD; for GOD is incapable of being tempted by [what is] evil and He Himself tempts no one. 14But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions).” Here it is made clear to us that the LOVE of Yahweh living inside of us does not tempt us to sin. Every sin, whether it be lying, stealing, cheating, cussing, hating, or fornicating is birthed out of our own lust. However, there are different types of lust – greed (lust for more), gluttony (lust for food), jealousy (lust for attention), lasciviousness (physical lust for sex), hatred (lust for death and murder), gossip (lust for destruction), loneliness (lust for companionship), stealing (lust for provision or material possessions), etc, etc, etc… This list, of course, could go on and on. My point is simply this: ‘lust’ and ‘sin’ are two synonymous and completely interchangeable words. The definition of lust is NOT ‘sexual sin’. The definition of lust is ‘the desire for unrighteousness; the willingness to break The Law’. The reason that I am defining what lust is and what it is NOT is because it is important to understand that NOT EVERY SEXUAL SIN IS BIRTHED OUT OF SEXUAL LUST (lasciviousness).
There are times when couples, through mishandling LOVE, express sexually what they share with one another. This type of sexual sin is no more the product of lasciviousness than a person stealing food to feed their children is the product of greed. It is critical to know and discern the difference because the biblical prescription that treats one sin-sickness, will not necessarily work on another. We have to accurately diagnose the sin issue and prescribe the correct spiritual applications and revelations for deliverance. Misdiagnosing a loving couple as victims of lasciviousness will ultimately leave them “stuck” in the situation that they are in. Depression (lust for happiness), ignorance (lust for freedom from accountability), or loneliness (lust for companionship) is more likely an accurate diagnosis than lasciviousness.
So how do we as leaders help people in these situations? How do we counsel and advise them? How do we comfort the person that is experiencing the agony that I described at the beginning of this article? As a person facing this challenge, when the relationship ends or NEEDS to end, how can you stop the bleeding? WE MUST FIRST UNDERSTAND THAT WE CANNOT “CAST OUT LOVE”. You can cast out a spirit of depression, suicide, loneliness, fornication – you can break the stronghold of lust, and wash away the stains of sin. And yet, after all of the praying, rebuking, repenting, binding, pleading, reciting, communing and religious ceremonies are said and done; when every evil spirit is gone and every sin forgiven; you will still have a person that is experiencing the loss of a LOVED one.
What this person goes through is exactly what any person goes through when a loved one dies. In every literal and symbolic sense, a person going through a break-up experiences the exact same pain associated with the death of a loved one. You cannot cast out the LOVE that grew between these two people, and you cannot pray away the sadness of the loss. What a person in this type of situation needs most of all is emotional and spiritual healing. They are hurting, broken, bloody and wounded, and there is no quick fix. Prayers of repentance and scriptures about lust and sexual sin WILL NOT help the one whose heart is broken. While prayer and repentance is a necessary part of the process, walking the person through the grieving process is just as vital. There are five stages of grieving that are commonly taught:
- Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
- Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
- Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
- Oppression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
- Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”
It is important to remember that although this feels exactly like the death of a loved one to the person going through it, it is not an actual death in most cases. How many people would bring back their loved ones from the grave if possible? Most people would! And herein lies the one, major difference between an actual death and the death of a relationship: in the case of a painful break-up, IT IS POSSIBLE to bring the loved one back from the grave. If both parties are willing and able to reconcile, the temptation to do so will be very strong – as strong as a mother’s desire to bring her child back from the dead! Therefore, without implementation and understanding of the grieving process, most people will never make it through step 3 before they go “grave-digging”. Step 4 is usually the crushing weight that will cause them to pick up the phone to set up a meeting to “kiss and make up” – falling back into the pit of fornication. Without support in the grieving process, this will happen over and over again becoming a vicious, sometimes life-long cycle, leading to the death of purpose and destiny in the lives of the participants – often too leaving the involved leaders feeling helpless and ineffective.
I wrote this article because it is time for us church leaders to stop writing off every sinful relationship as a product of sexual lust and understand and acknowledge that in the midst of sin, LOVE can still live. If LOVE could not live in the midst of sin, then the Holy Spirit could not dwell in any of us! If LOVE could not live in the midst of sin, Yeshua (Jesus) would have died at birth on this sinful earth! We cannot help those suffering the agony of feeling trapped in fornication or those that have just gone through a painful separation, if we don’t understand the hurt they are feeling and why they are feeling it. Grief counseling, healing scriptures, comforting fellowship, peaceful music, positive activities and as much natural support as possible is what it is going to take – in addition to the binding, rebuking, and repenting that goes forth – in order for the person to be made whole again.
LOVE is just who GOD is, and where there is any measure of LOVE, Yahweh surely is somewhere near. In a world that is full of hatred and evil, the privilege of experiencing LOVE, no matter how it comes, is a blessing. Often times the love discovered in illicit relationships is the pathway to understanding LOVE on a greater level and learning to walk in a greater measure of LOVE. Truly genuine LOVE will always create a pathway to the heart of The Father, which is why the scriptures say, “therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. (Jer 31:3, KJV)”. When it is all said and done, every sin will be forgiven and thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. When a sinful union occurs, after the couple has repented, the sin element is remembered no more. However the LOVE produced will remain forever: “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and LOVE—and the greatest of these is LOVE. (1 Cor 13:13, NLT)”.
I say all of this to help us change our FOCUS. It is not that our approach as leaders and healers has been necessarily wrong, but it has been incomplete and disorganized. When a sick person is bleeding profusely, regardless of what else is wrong with that person, the FIRST procedure is always to address the wound that is causing the bleeding. If the bleeding is not stopped, the person will quickly bleed to death, making all other “procedures” obsolete. After all, there is no point to treating a corpse. So instead of FOCUSING on the lust of a relationship, which is a negative focus, let us focus instead on the LOVE it produced. That positive focus will enable the suffering individuals to use the power of that LOVE to begin the healing process. Remember that it is impossible for LOVE to die, as LOVE is a product of the The Nature of GOD, and GOD forever lives. Although LOVE never dies, it can be transferred or redirected. The LOVE that is shared between the couple can be channeled into loving Their Savior, themselves and their neighbors. As long as that LOVE is flowing through them, the power of that LOVE will heal them. Every wound that had been formerly infected with lust will eventually heal. Ultimately, when infected wounds heal, by default the infection of lust is purged out of their systems.
I pray that this will help us adopt new methods of counseling the broken hearted. Too many couples are dying unnecessarily on the battlefield of love because the doctors in the infirmary are treating the wrong disease. It is said that time heals all wounds, but that is not true. Time does not heal wounds, but all wounds will heal in time, if properly treated. Those wounds that never heal will eventually infect and kill us…
Please check back in for the Part 3 of this powerful article. Are you are a subscriber to the Insights from Dr. Intimacy blog? Be sure to subscribe to be notified of new articles. Your email address will never be sold or shared.
In the Power of HIS Love,
Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion ~ Healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy…
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