The Power of Self-Love – when sex is NOT your god!

The Power of Self Love3x

The Power of Self-Love – when sex is NOT your god!
Date: 02-14-2018
Time: 9pm-11pm CT
Host: Dr. Intimacy (Laneen A. Haniah)
Crew: Tinika “Southern Bell”, Bryan “Beezy” Wright & Desmond “Mr. Motion” Patterson
Featured Guest: Kaylon McFadden
Watch on FB Live!
Listen on mobile at:
CALL-IN: (214) 431-5062

National Loneliness Day… uh… er… um… I mean Valentine’s Day, is here once again. If you are lucky enough to be in a good relationship, you’re probably looking forward to this day. But for millions of single people, this is a dreaded time of year. Valentine’s Day has become a symbol of love. However, it’s not just any kind of love we honor on this day; it is the MOST INTIMATE kind of love we celebrate. Aside from the love of GOD, Self-love is the greatest and most important love of all. It should also be the most intimate love you experience, but many people have confused sex with intimacy and lost the ability to truly love themselves. Join Dr. Intimacy and the #NoSocks Crew – Southern Bell, Beezy and Mr. Motion – along with our special guest, Musician, Writer, Artist and Record label owner Kaylon McFadden, as we delve into this #NakedDiscussion about THE POWER OF SELF-LOVE – overcoming the god of sex, to experience true intimacy with yourself! For grown folks only, strip all the way down, #NoSocks… Next on Inspired Intimacy Talk Radio!

Inspired Intimacy Talk — Naked Discussions about Love, Life & Intimacy… #NoSocks — is LIVE on FBRN Blue stream, every Wednesday night from 9pm-11pm CST, with Creator and Host Dr. Intimacy, crew and guests. Listen on mobile or online and CALL IN LIVE to ask a question or make a comment!

Follow the Inspired Intimacy Fanpage to see all of our archives and stay plugged in!

Ask Dr. Intimacy – Oral sex, sex demons, common law marriage and more!

Ask Dr. Intimacy 2-3-16

Dr. Intimacy is known for bringing the raw truth that liberates people from the chains that bind them. Thousands all around the world would love to sit down and ask her a question about a personal situation. Tonight, take a trip to the spiritual ER and allow Dr. Intimacy to go inside and heal you, as she tackles some of the most common questions asked of her by people from around the globe. One of your personal questions will probably be answered too! Please tune in, you do not want to miss this life changing show!

Inspired Intimacy Talk Radio is LIVE on the air every Wednesday night from 9pm-11pm CST, with Creator and Host Dr. Intimacy, Co-Hosts Howard J. and Brendon “White Chocolate” Stewart & Co-Producer J. Revival.

Join Dr. Intimacy as we explore the naked truth about Love, Life, Intimacy!

CALL IN LIVE to ask a question or make a comment
By PHONE: 214-431-5062.
By SKYPE: add ‘fishbowlreadionetwork2’

To listen to the LIVE show or ARCHIVES, please visit our website.

How Do Soul Ties Form?

“The more sexual intercourse you have with a person, the more you connect not only in spirit, but also in soul. When your soul bonds with someone else’s soul, a fusing together of souls happens. When this happens, it is called a soul tie. Sex is not necessary for a soul tie to occur, but it is practically a given that a soul tie will be developed when you have sex with a person.

Your soul is considered your mind, your will and your emotions – your intellect, your desires and your feelings. You can be soul-tied to a person, place or thing and even to a demon. In other words, you can be mentally, emotionally and/or willfully bonded. A soul tie occurs when you have some type of void in your life. You try to fill this void by tying your soul to someone or something.

Soul ties can happen as a result of having sex with someone, or they can be the reason that you have sex with someone. A soul tie can trick you into thinking that you are “in love” with a person – making you want to tie together physically, in the same way that you are tied together in soul. Soul ties often lead people into sexual (and even homosexual) relations between friends. They often cause two people to get married for the wrong reasons. These marriages are miserable and empty and usually end in divorce. But my main point is that soul ties allow for the transference of demons.

Basically, anytime you are connected to a person: physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually – you are soul-tied to that person. That connection allows for the transfer of demons.”

Quote from, “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons” Get your copy for $15.00 on Amazon anytime, or enjoy this 25% discount when using this code C288T4NP at the following link:

~Insights from Dr. Intimacy~ © 2013



I’m not talking about the kind of STDs that they teach you about at Planned Parent Hood. Not the kind that people claim a condom can protect you from. No – I’m talking about an STD that no condom can protect you from. The person who’s carrying it will show no physical signs that you can recognize. You won’t smell it or feel it, and even though you will see it; you won’t realize what it is.
I am not talking about a sexually transmitted disease. What I’m talking about is worse than a sexually transmitted disease. There is no medical cure for the STD that I’m talking about – no pill to pop or shot you can get. What’s even worse is that with this STD, you usually get multiple forms of it at one time.

Quote from, “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons” Get your copy for $15.00 on Amazon anytime, or enjoy this 25% discount when using this code C288T4NP at the following link:

~Insights from Dr. Intimacy~ © 2013

You Can’t Cast Out LOVE: Part 2 – Love Will Last Forever…


This is a continuation of the article “You Can’t Cast Out Love – Part 1”. Click on link to read Part 1.

…The bible reads in John 8:32, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” We as church leaders need to be set free by the truth before we can set anyone else free with it. The truth that we need to know in regards to sinful relationships is that these couples do fall in LOVE, and their LOVE covers over the sin of their fornication. The conviction may be in their hearts, but it gives way to the LOVE that consumes them. Pease let no one misunderstand me! I clearly and emphatically declare that pre-wedding-ceremony-sex is sinful; IT IS FORNICATION. Homosexuality is a sin; adultery is a sin; teenage sexual love affairs are a sin. The fornication that is birthed out of these relationships is not a product of LOVE; it is a product of lust. Yet simultaneously, I am also clearly and emphatically acknowledging that there is still genuine LOVE in these relationships that is expressed through sexuality.

According to James 1:13-14, 13Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted from GOD; for GOD is incapable of being tempted by [what is] evil and He Himself tempts no one. 14But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions).” Here it is made clear to us that the LOVE of Yahweh living inside of us does not tempt us to sin. Every sin, whether it be lying, stealing, cheating, cussing, hating, or fornicating is birthed out of our own lust. However, there are different types of lust – greed (lust for more), gluttony (lust for food), jealousy (lust for attention), lasciviousness (physical lust for sex), hatred (lust for death and murder), gossip (lust for destruction), loneliness (lust for companionship), stealing (lust for provision or material possessions), etc, etc, etc… This list, of course, could go on and on. My point is simply this: ‘lust’ and ‘sin’ are two synonymous and completely interchangeable words. The definition of lust is NOT ‘sexual sin’. The definition of lust is ‘the desire for unrighteousness; the willingness to break The Law’.  The reason that I am defining what lust is and what it is NOT is because it is important to understand that NOT EVERY SEXUAL SIN IS BIRTHED OUT OF SEXUAL LUST (lasciviousness).

There are times when couples, through mishandling LOVE, express sexually what they share with one another. This type of sexual sin is no more the product of lasciviousness than a person stealing food to feed their children is the product of greed. It is critical to know and discern the difference because the biblical prescription that treats one sin-sickness, will not necessarily work on another. We have to accurately diagnose the sin issue and prescribe the correct spiritual applications and revelations for deliverance. Misdiagnosing a loving couple as victims of lasciviousness will ultimately leave them “stuck” in the situation that they are in. Depression (lust for happiness), ignorance (lust for freedom from accountability), or loneliness (lust for companionship) is more likely an accurate diagnosis than lasciviousness.

So how do we as leaders help people in these situations? How do we counsel and advise them? How do we comfort the person that is experiencing the agony that I described at the beginning of this article? As a person facing this challenge, when the relationship ends or NEEDS to end, how can you stop the bleeding? WE MUST FIRST UNDERSTAND THAT WE CANNOT “CAST OUT LOVE”. You can cast out a spirit of depression, suicide, loneliness, fornication – you can break the stronghold of lust, and wash away the stains of sin. And yet, after all of the praying, rebuking, repenting, binding, pleading, reciting, communing and religious ceremonies are said and done; when every evil spirit is gone and every sin forgiven; you will still have a person that is experiencing the loss of a LOVED one.

What this person goes through is exactly what any person goes through when a loved one dies. In every literal and symbolic sense, a person going through a break-up experiences the exact same pain associated with the death of a loved one. You cannot cast out the LOVE that grew between these two people, and you cannot pray away the sadness of the loss. What a person in this type of situation needs most of all is emotional and spiritual healing. They are hurting, broken, bloody and wounded, and there is no quick fix. Prayers of repentance and scriptures about lust and sexual sin WILL NOT help the one whose heart is broken.  While prayer and repentance is a necessary part of the process, walking the person through the grieving process is just as vital. There are five stages of grieving that are commonly taught:

  1. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
  2. Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
  3. Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
  4. Oppression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
  5. Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”

 It is important to remember that although this feels exactly like the death of a loved one to the person going through it, it is not an actual death in most cases. How many people would bring back their loved ones from the grave if possible? Most people would! And herein lies the one, major difference between an actual death and the death of a relationship: in the case of a painful break-up, IT IS POSSIBLE to bring the loved one back from the grave. If both parties are willing and able to reconcile, the temptation to do so will be very strong – as strong as a mother’s desire to bring her child back from the dead! Therefore, without implementation and understanding of the grieving process, most people will never make it through step 3 before they go “grave-digging”. Step 4 is usually the crushing weight that will cause them to pick up the phone to set up a meeting to “kiss and make up” – falling back into the pit of fornication. Without support in the grieving process, this will happen over and over again becoming a vicious, sometimes life-long cycle, leading to the death of purpose and destiny in the lives of the participants –  often too leaving the involved leaders feeling helpless and ineffective.

I wrote this article because it is time for us church leaders to stop writing off every sinful relationship as a product of sexual lust and understand and acknowledge that in the midst of sin, LOVE can still live. If LOVE could not live in the midst of sin, then the Holy Spirit could not dwell in any of us! If LOVE could not live in the midst of sin, Yeshua (Jesus) would have died at birth on this sinful earth! We cannot help those suffering the agony of feeling trapped in fornication or those that have just gone through a painful separation, if we don’t understand the hurt they are feeling and why they are feeling it. Grief counseling, healing scriptures, comforting fellowship, peaceful music, positive activities and as much natural support as possible is what it is going to take – in addition to the binding, rebuking, and repenting that goes forth – in order for the person to be made whole again.

LOVE is just who GOD is, and where there is any measure of LOVE, Yahweh surely is somewhere near. In a world that is full of hatred and evil, the privilege of experiencing LOVE, no matter how it comes, is a blessing. Often times the love discovered in illicit relationships is the pathway to understanding LOVE on a greater level and learning to walk in a greater measure of LOVE.  Truly genuine LOVE will always create a pathway to the heart of The Father, which is why the scriptures say, “therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. (Jer 31:3, KJV)”.  When it is all said and done, every sin will be forgiven and thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. When a sinful union occurs, after the couple has repented, the sin element is remembered no more. However the LOVE produced will remain forever: “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and LOVE—and the greatest of these is LOVE. (1 Cor 13:13, NLT)”.

I say all of this to help us change our FOCUS. It is not that our approach as leaders and healers has been necessarily wrong, but it has been incomplete and disorganized. When a sick person is bleeding profusely, regardless of what else is wrong with that person, the FIRST procedure is always to address the wound that is causing the bleeding. If the bleeding is not stopped, the person will quickly bleed to death, making all other “procedures” obsolete. After all, there is no point to treating a corpse. So instead of FOCUSING on the lust of a relationship, which is a negative focus, let us focus instead on the LOVE it produced. That positive focus will enable the suffering individuals to use the power of that LOVE to begin the healing process. Remember that it is impossible for LOVE to die, as LOVE is a product of the The Nature of GOD, and GOD forever lives. Although LOVE never dies, it can be transferred or redirected. The LOVE that is shared between the couple can be channeled into loving Their Savior, themselves and their neighbors. As long as that LOVE is flowing through them, the power of that LOVE will heal them. Every wound that had been formerly infected with lust will eventually heal. Ultimately, when infected wounds heal, by default the infection of lust is purged out of their systems.

I pray that this will help us adopt new methods of counseling the broken hearted. Too many couples are dying unnecessarily on the battlefield of love because the doctors in the infirmary are treating the wrong disease. It is said that time heals all wounds, but that is not true. Time does not heal wounds, but all wounds will heal in time, if properly treated. Those wounds that never heal will eventually infect and kill us…

Please check back in for the Part 3 of this powerful article. Are you are a subscriber to the Insights from Dr. Intimacy blog? Be sure to subscribe to be notified of new articles. Your email address will never be sold or shared.

In the Power of  HIS Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion ~ Healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy…

Copyright © 2013 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

You Can’t Cast Out Love: Part 1 – Fornication and Forbidden Love


This article has been in my belly growing and developing for quite some time now. It feels long overdue, but finally I am in labor to give birth to a revelation that I believe may save some lives and some destinies… and maybe some potentially good relationships that would have otherwise been cast into the fire. So here it goes and I do hope I get some insightful feedback on this one…

“Another day lying on the bed in emotional agony; pain stabbing me in the chest as if a finely sharpened pitch fork is being plunged into my heart over and over again. I feel hollow inside, as if a vortex of nothingness has sucked my spirit into an abyss of blackness. There is no light anywhere around me, there is no joy, there is no comfort, there is no peace, there is no hope… There is nothing except endless, painful, agonizing torture every day.

They told me that it is a spirit of depression, so they prayed to break its hold over me – but it didn’t work. They told me that it was a soul tie, so they prayed to cut it – but it didn’t work. They told me to recite Psalm 23, three times a day for 30 days – but it didn’t work. They told me that it was a spirit of lust trying to draw me into sin and that I must fight against it – repent, bind it, and renounce it, and I shall be free – but that didn’t work either. They all had their explanations, but to no avail. Not one of their methods, prescriptions, remedies, prayers, or scriptures brought relief to the insane ache that constantly resonated throughout my being…”

Have you ever experienced this kind of pain? I know that I certainly have. It is the pain and agony that many experience as a relationship ends. It is the type of pain that is indescribable. It is the type of feeling that only those who have felt it can relate to. I can recall one particularly sudden break-up that left me in this type of pain. The first night after the break-up, I was lying on my bed in the dark, barely able to breathe. Sharp pains pierced my heart with every beat. I was fading in and out of consciousness, as dizziness swirled around in my head. I was sweating and feverish. I could not stand up because my legs would not work. I could not eat, as every part of my body rejected the notion of taking in life-sustaining food, when death lived inside of me. There was the constant taste of metal and blood in my mouth, and bitterness in my stomach.

I was dying – I was literally dying, and it was the first time that I knew someone could really die of a broken heart. I longed for death at that moment. I wanted to die and I could not ever see myself whole again at that time. Thinking of my family, I knew that I had to somehow hold on. In order to make it through the night, I asked a friend to come and stay with me. I knew at the very least, I wouldn’t die there in my home alone. It was a rough night for her though. Every 30 minutes or so, I let out a piercing scream into the atmosphere, without explanation. She didn’t know what was wrong with me, and I didn’t know how to explain it. She asked me if I needed to go to the hospital. But, what would have been the point of that – Can a broken heart be fixed in the ER?

They of church and religion have for too long, erroneously attempted to rectify this type of pain through ineffective methods that often times lead to great frustration for the one suffering. Me being a preacher, I have been guilty of this error in times past. It was not until I had to walk through it that I understood the error in how I had mishandled people who had come to me in this type of pain. I repeated to those seeking my help all of the things that had been said to me, “You need to pray; you need to fast; you don’t need him anyway; God has better things in store for you…” These were all truthful sayings, but they acted as band aids on bullet wounds. The so-called doctors of the faith had misdiagnosed my affliction and prescribed the wrong medicine, based on their wrong diagnosis.

What I have now learned through experience and revelation of the scriptures is that relationships forged in sin, are not necessarily absent of LOVE. Before my fall, I gave way to the common perception of the church. That common perception is this: relationships that do not glorify GOD can have absolutely no element of genuine LOVE. The case with most preachers is that they believe they must immediately disqualify, without further review, any relationship that has even the slightest trace of sinful origins. I believed the same. Being a married preacher of the Gospel at that time of my life, safely within the confines of a “loving marriage”, I could not comprehend how two people could claim to be in LOVE and yet put each other’s mortal souls in danger. I know that I am not the only one who has heard the saying, “real love waits”.

What is “real LOVE” though? Who really knows, and how many of us actually walk in it? If the truth be told, many husbands and wives do not walk in LOVE with one another. Many parents do not walk in LOVE with their children. Many shepherds do not walk in LOVE with their flock. Many Believers do not walk in LOVE with their Savior. And yet, as is so often the case with the spirit of religion, the church society has SINGLED OUT “unmarried couples” to put on display as the ultimate example of a loveless relationship. While conveniently overlooking the hatred, bitterness, rebellion, jealousy, anger, depression, etcetera…, in their own homes and churches, they pick at the splinter in the eye of those that have found a measure of LOVE in some unaccepted or unconventional way. And why are these “unmarried couples” the castaways of the church-world, relationship ethics committee? It is because they are classified as fornicators.

In actuality, most people do not even know what the word ‘fornication’ means. What answer pops into your head when I ask, “What is the meaning of fornication?” If you are like most people, your answer is, “sex outside of marriage”. BANNNNHHHH! Wrong answer!!! Fornication’s literal translation is “illicit sexual activity”. Fornication is the spirit behind masturbation, pornography, adultery, molestation – and also, sex prior to publicly exchanging wedding vows (what many mistakenly refer to as “premarital sex”). However, by that definition, how much fornication is going on in so many marriages? If we apply the same blanket generalization to ALL instances of sexual perversion – that generalization being that in the presence of fornication there is the absence of LOVE – then even many married couples would join the castaway club!

One of the most powerful statements in the bible for me is found in 1 John 4:8, “…GOD is LOVE”. Yahweh GOD and LOVE are actually made equal in this scripture, without prejudice or distinction! Another of my favorites is found in 1 Peter 4:8, “Above all, LOVE each other deeply, because LOVE covers over a multitude of sins.” You see the truth of the matter is LOVE is the most powerful force in the universe because LOVE is the very essence of The Father’s nature.  John 3:16 says, “For GOD so LOVED the world…” The Father sent His son to die for our sins out of the pure LOVE of His essence. Aren’t we all made in the likeness and image of this same GOD who is called LOVE? Yes, certainly we are! Therefore every human being is born with the capacity to LOVE. LOVE is as natural to us as breathing. The capability to LOVE is a part of the standard makeup of every living soul.

There is no one that has become perfectly like The Creator. We are all striving to be like HIM. We are all born with a measure of LOVE, a measure of GOD’s Nature that develops according to how it is nurtured. It is that measure that enables even atheists, skin heads and murders to love those closest to their hearts. Although hard to admit, most of us know these things to be true and have personally witnessed a measure of LOVE being released through someone we would deem totally wicked. That being the case, why is it so hard for some Christians to believe that even though a relationship is forged in sin, there is yet LOVE in the midst of it?  Two homosexuals can be in love; two teenagers can be in love; a mistress can be in love with her married man, and a married man his mistress; a john can be in love with his hooker and a hooker her pimp! And while it is certainly right and proper for a couple to remain sexually pure until they officially unite in matrimony (when that is a righteously appropriate option), we know in this world it very seldom happens that way. Therefore, if we are truly going to help couples that have fallen into this tar pit of fornication escape its grips; we are going to have to start by acknowledging the genuine LOVE that these people share. By attempting to dis-validate their experience of love, we push them into isolation and shut ourselves off from the revelatory insight that can truly set them free.

The bible reads in John 8:32, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” We as church leaders need to be set free by the truth before we can set anyone else free with it. The truth that we need to know in regards to sinful relationships is that these couples do fall in LOVE, and their LOVE covers over the sin of their fornication. The conviction may be in their hearts, but it gives way to the LOVE that consumes them. Pease let no one misunderstand me! I clearly and emphatically declare that pre-wedding-ceremony-sex is sinful; IT IS FORNICATION. Homosexuality is a sin; adultery is a sin; teenage sexual love affairs are a sin. The fornication that is birthed out of these relationships is not a product of LOVE, it is a product of lust. Yet simultaneously, I am also clearly and emphatically acknowledging that there is still genuine LOVE in these relationships that is expressed through sexuality.

Please check back in for the Part 2 of this powerful article. Are you are a subscriber to the Insights from Dr. Intimacy blog? Be sure to subscribe to be notified of new articles. Your email address will never be sold or shared.

In the Power of  HIS Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion ~ Healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy…

Copyright © 2013 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

An Embarrassing Little Secret or Monumental Mistake?

embarrassed-facial-expression-3_mediumI can remember the most embarrassing moment of my life that occurred back in junior high school. I was 14 years old, but I looked like I was about nine. I was sickly and a late bloomer. I had a huge crush on one of the neighborhood boys, but he seemed to be quite taken with big breasts. I unfortunately had the chest of a little boy. I thought I would fix that problem by stuffing my bra. After all, every under-developed, late bloomer does it. Doesn’t she?

 I did a great job. I was always very artistic so I even managed to create nipples (laugh). The only problem was that I knew if my mom ever saw my tissue breast implants, she definitely would have made me undo all of my hard work. Therefore, I would have to “de-breast” myself every time I went in the house and then “re-breast” myself whenever I left. On a particular evening, I asked my Mom if I could go back outside after dinner. She informed me that I only had 15 minutes. I wanted to be around my crush as often as possible, so I frantically re-stuffed my bra and ran outside, knowing that I had precious little time to continue my work on winning his affections.

 There was a group of us that hung out together. I was the outcast. As a matter of fact I wasn’t even an invited member of the crew. I was more like a stray dog that they just could not get rid of.  At any rate, I hunted them down that night after dinner and stood amongst the group. I was probably a good 8 to 12 inches shorter than everyone else, but I tried to be big in personality to make up for it. I was talking loudly, trying to entertain everyone as usual, and thenthen… it happened… My crush, “the love of my life” looked down at me, pointed his finger at my chest, busted out with laughter and shouted as loudly as he could, “Ilk, Laneen has tissue in her bra!” If there were ever a time that I wished I had magic powers, that was it!

For me, my bra-stuffing was just an embarrassing little secret, but at the moment of its revealing, I realized that it was really a monumental mistake – a monumental mistake that stemmed from much deeper issues than just that of being flat-chested. I use this illustration to correlate to a common “embarrassing little secret” that many Christian women keep. It’s that dirty ol’ word called masturbation.  After all, every under-sexed, unsatisfied, lonely, stressed out woman does it. Doesn’t she?

Well, I don’t know about every woman, but statistical studies amongst Christian women suggest that about 60% admit to masturbating. My own experience as Dr. Intimacy leads me to believe that number is much higher. But masturbation, although done in secrecy most times, is much more than an embarrassing little secret. It is a monumental mistake that stems from much deeper issues than simply that of needing a little sexual release from time to time.

If your high-school was anything like mine, you were taught in health-ed class that masturbation is “natural” and “healthy”. I myself began performing it at the age of five. I have had clients share with me stories of starting as early as age two. Yet contrary to popular opinion in our sex-crazed, disease-ridden society, masturbation is not a safe and healthy alternative to promiscuous sexual relationships. That embarrassing little secret is a cover up for much deeper issues such as feelings of depression, loneliness,  inadequacy, rejection, stress, low self-esteem, lack of acceptance and more. Such issues if not properly addressed can lead to health problems, poor social skills, failures in life, many failed relationships, weight control problems and even death or suicide.

 Another common misconception is that masturbation can be used as a therapeutic substitute for unfulfilling marital sex in order to stave off infidelity. The practice of masturbation trains your body to climax in response to your own touch. This makes it difficult, if not impossible for your husband to ever bring you to climax without the aid of your own hand. Consequently, that unfulfilling marital sex is likely to get worse.

For men, even married men, sex is a conquest. If a man becomes dejected in his efforts to sexually please his wife, he is likely to respond by discontinuing sex with his wife and turning to pornography, masturbation and/or adultery. He may turn to these things and continue to have sex with his wife but with complete emotional detachment, as he fondly reminisces on his favorite past sexual conquest or porn scene. Such lack of intimacy will break down communication in the marriage.  Some women in these situations feel as if they are being raped during sex with their husbands. And if you think that this terrible state of affairs in a marriage won’t possibly lead to adultery on the wife’s end too, you obviously have not been paying attention to infidelity statistics lately.

Masturbation only medicates your issues, just like any other drug. When you masturbate to cover up your issues, you are just as bound as a drug addict or alcoholic. Masturbation is highly addictive and I can even remember reading an article that stated an orgasm causes a chemical reaction in the brain that is similar to that which occurs during drug highs. The real frustration trap of masturbation is that it essentially increases the issues that initially triggered the act in the first place. Since for most women sex is more about the emotional connection than the actual physical mechanics; laying in bed alone after concluding the act of masturbation triggers an emotional letdown. It emulates the sharp increase in negative emotions (depression, loneliness, self-hatred, etc…) that women often experience after a boyfriend gets up and leaves after “he is finish”, or an uncaring husband rolls over and falls asleep after sex. Such a woman is most often left feeling worse than she did at the onset.

In the Power of His Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion ~ Healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy

Copyright © 2013 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.


Jesus is NOT my husband, or yours!

married to jesus

OK, let’s just clear something up today. When the scriptures refers to The Church as the “bride of Christ”, that is a reference to the collective body of Believers. The true meaning of this scripture can be found all the way back in Genesis 2:24,

“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 

Remember that Messiah is referred to as the second Adam and the ultimate purpose of His return, is that at the end of life on earth, we can return to being one with Him. That is why He said in heaven we will neither marry, nor be given in marriage. However, the marriage between Christ and His bride cannot take place until we shed these corrupt bodies of flesh and put on our new heavenly bodies when in a moment we shall be changed and be like Him!. Once we become like Him, finally we will be prepared for that beautiful marriage as One Body of Believers with our One True Husband… and what a glorious day that will be, Hallelujah!!!

Nevertheless, marriage between humans is for the earth and for the flesh. THERE IS ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY that separates the marriage relationship from every other relationship – SEX. The blood covenant bond created through sexual intercourse is the one and only thing that sets the marriage relationship apart. This is a right and a privilege that can only be blessed and spiritually legal when shared between a man and woman committed to each other in monogamy for life.

Having said that, when someone says “I need/want a husband, or I need/want a wife” please DO NOT respond with “Jesus is your husband or Jesus is all you need.” If you do, you are just being DSI (Deep, Spooky and Ignorant)! If Jesus can’t literally lay in your bed and physically and sexually penetrate you, then He cannot be your husband or wife! Consummation of a marriage on earth requires the blood covenant of physical intercourse, so please…


~REAL TALK from Dr. Intimacy~ © 12/18/2012

Visit the Insights from Dr. Intimacy FB page and like!

Is Sexual Sin Caused by a Spirit?

While visiting another blog that addresses homosexuality amongst “so-called believers” (that is the author’s sentiment, not necessarily mine); I was struck by a statement that the author made. He was debating the existence of “the spirit of homosexuality”, claiming that people used the idea of demonic possession as an excuse to continue on in sin.  In his opinion, people sin by choice alone, influenced solely by their own sin nature and the spirit of lust. He was particularly disturbed that he had observed Pastor Benny Hinn “casting out” a spirit of homosexuality. And it may be good to mention that the gentleman that authored the article, formerly lived as a homosexual and has since dedicated himself to being a voice against it. Needless to say, he is very passionate about what he shares. His view is simply this, “There is  no spirit of heterosexuality and thus no spirit of homosexuality.”  

I thought his article brought up a very good question: Is sexual sin caused by a spirit?

I tend to agree with pastor Benny on this point. I do believe there is a spirit of homosexuality. As a matter of fact, I believe that nearly every sinful or demonic act is influenced by a particular type of demonic spirit. The author of the aforementioned article, as well as many other people, focus too greatly on how demons are named in the bible. When the truth of the matter is, the names of demons are not all that significant; it is their function and their type that matters. So you may not always see demons “named” in the Bible, but their functions and types are clearly outlined. In other words, their type is made plain by what they do; the fruit they produce in the life of the person they are affecting.

How often did we see YHshua (Jesus) cast demons out of people to heal them of an illness? “When evening had come, they brought to Him many who were demon-possessed. And He cast out the spirits with a word, and healed all who were sick.”  Mat 8:16, NKJV

Even in the case of Mary Magdalene, she was delivered from prostitution by the casting out of 7 demons. Now when He rose early on the first day of the week, He appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom He had cast seven demons.” Mark 7:9, NKJV (Her prostitution is “implied” in other scriptures. She was referred to specifically as “an especially wicked sinner”.)

In actuality,  the bible very seldom identified demonic spirits by a name.  Evil spirits were identified as being – evil, wicked, unclean, perverse and so on – but seldom by an actual distinct name.  And Jesus summoned to Him His twelve disciples and gave them power and authority over unclean spirits, to drive them out, and to cure all kinds of disease and all kinds of weakness and infirmity.” Mat 10:1, AMP

Ok… So if there is now a clear understanding that demons are acknowledged, but not necessarily named, in scripture – let’s deal with the next point:“There is  no spirit of heterosexuality and thus no spirit of homosexuality.”

This statement actually made me laugh. It was borderline ridiculous, in my opinion. We do not need different spirits or “type spirits” of righteousness; such as a “spirit of heterosexuality” (if heterosexuality is being implied to be a good thing in this instance, within the confines of a marriage). We don’t need a “spirit of kindness”, “spirit of truth”, “spirit of sobriety”, etc.  In order to live righteously, there is only need of One Spirit and that is, The Holy Spirit. All righteous living is a result of the Spirit of  YHWH God at work in our lives. He is the Spirit of Truth, Spirit of Love, Spirit of Obedience… He is the very source of all that is good and right; including pure, loving intimacy between a husband and wife (heterosexuality).

In terms of heterosexual sin, sex taking place outside of the confines of marriage, that influence would be typed as a “spirit of fornication”. But in essence at the end of the day, all sexual sin – all sin of any type for that matter – is influenced by  “the spirit of lust”. The term “spirit of lust” is actually the very definition of  ‘satan’. So all sin is influenced by the spirit of satan, and likewise all righteousness is influenced by “the Spirit of YHWH God”! But the Spirit of YHWH God is omni-present because He can be everywhere, and in everyone all at once. The spirit of satan is not so. He and his cohorts are limited to influencing or indwelling only one person at a time. So satan sends out his workers like soldiers, in groups specifically assigned and trained to do (or cause) specific acts of disobedience and/or types of oppression.

So the question is: Is sexual sin caused by a spirit?

The answer is: Yes and No! 

Just as the presence of the Holy Spirit can cause you to live righteously, the presence of a “Helly” spirit can cause you to live wickedly. I believe that ignorance concerning the workings of demonic spirits in our lives causes so many Christians to live a defeated life. Identifying an evil spirit does not give us an excuse to sin; it gives us ammunition to stop sinning! Naming a spirit according to its type, is just a way of specifying how the spirit of satan is working in your life more precisely. This is actually very empowering, giving insight into what weaknesses the enemy takes advantage of, to interfere with the abundance of our lives – spirit, soul and body! After all, YHshua never cast satan out of anyone, he always cast out demons. Nor does scripture say he cast “lust” out of Mary Magdalene. It says he cast out seven demons.

My only precaution on the ‘no’ side of my answer would be using the word “cause”, since you can only be “influenced” to sin, instead of forced. We all get to choose our own path and which spirit’s influence we give in to (unless one is truly “possessed” from childhood – but that’s another topic!) So although different spirits of evil may be the cause of sin in your life, it is because of your own choice that such sin is actually manifested.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2012 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

Is Common Law Marriage Acceptable Before God?

Most of us know what common law marriage is. This happens when two people, who are afraid of commitment, shack up for so long that they become legally recognized as husband and wife, by the government and other people. These types of couples tend to consider themselves to be married when it suits them, and not married when it doesn’t  It is a false commitment or an oxymoron at best, because you cannot be “committed” in a non-committed relationship.

Nevertheless, the concept of a common law marriage is not as unbiblical as it may seem. In actuality, what creates a marriage covenant is sexual intercourse. The courts create a marriage contract, but sexual intercourse – with or without the involvement of the courts – creates a marriage covenant. When two people become sexually active and then decide to live together, the inbred human instinct is likely the force that is driving them. You see, from the beginning of time, it would have been unlawful to follow any other course of action.

As the old saying goes, “You break it, you buy it!” In other words, whenever a man was the one to break a woman’s virginity, or her abstinence after divorce or widowhood, she became his to keep for life. She became his responsibility and obligation. If you were a woman, who allowed yourself to succumb to the temptation of sex with a man, you became that man’s property, his wife.

What we call “common law marriage”, was the only type of marriage that existed in early times and amongst the Children of Israel. Paperwork was not necessary to establish, solidify or validate a marriage covenant that two people made in private. As a matter of fact, amongst those cultures of morally strict beliefs (such as the Jews), if two people had sex and did not accept each other as husband and wife, and it became publicly known, there were serious penalties – sometimes as serious as execution! For the woman found in this situation that was not killed, she was labeled a prostitute, and the man a whoremonger. So in actuality, “common law marriage” was common place.

Yet at the same time, because marriage in most cultures is such a significant and honorable event, there was quite a bit of ceremony surrounding the making of a marriage covenant. The village of the husband and wife to be – the elders, family members and friends – rallied in support of the new couple. The village also stood as witnesses of the covenant, to ensure that the union be made publicly known. This was to hold the new couple accountable to the guidelines of the covenant, and to discourage the couple from living as if they were still available. These traditional practices led to what we now know as the wedding ceremony. However, these ceremonies were not paramount in the establishing of a marriage, the way it is in our culture today.  In some instances, the covenant was made privately between the new husband and wife; then publicized and celebrated later. It was perfectly legal and acceptable to do so, as long as the female was free to speak for herself (meaning she was not still of her father’s household, a slave or in another marriage).

So if you are involved in a common law marriage, you might be jumping for joy right now, feeling like you are “OK” in your “shacking” situation – BUT HOLD YOUR HORSES. No covenant can ever be established without a meeting of the minds. In every covenant recorded in scripture, the terms of the covenant were clearly outlined to all parties involved. Furthermore, the covenant was not binding until all parties, with full understanding and by their own choice, agreed to abide by the terms. “How can two walk together unless they agree?” There cannot be the establishment of a covenant without full AGREEMENT. And since a marriage covenant is made between a man, a woman and God (because it is God who designed and ordained the marriage covenant) – the man and woman must be in agreement with each other and with God, in order for that covenant to be a legitimately established and binding one.

A covenant is such a strong, life-altering, forever-binding commitment, which such great consequences for violating any of the terms. It would be beyond unjust to bind someone to a covenant, without their knowledge.  As it were, it is actually impossible to do so! You can forge someone’s name on a contract, but you cannot forge a covenant. The issue here is that we are talking about the difference between a contract and a covenant. A contract is created on paper and can therefore be nullified on paper, but a covenant is created in the spirit. It is something that cannot be established on paper, but is instead written on the tablets of the heart. It is a solemn, sober-minded, life-long pledge of commitment that is literally engrafted into the heart and soul of the parties of agreement.

A contract can be cancelled, but in order to break an established covenant, something or someone has to die. You are forever changed after making a covenant and whatever or whoever you were before that covenant was made, no longer exists afterward. You can never go back and be that person again. You are so radically altered that you are literally no longer the same person. The only way to get around the obligations of a covenant – and I do mean “get around” in every sense of its significance – is to drastically alter your life once again. You have to recreate yourself, in order to be able to function and work around whatever in you had to die, for that covenant to be broken.

So you may be asking yourself, “OK, what is the point she is trying to make here?” The point that I am making is this:

Any sexual blood covenant that you create with the person you are having sex with, will not stand as a binding marriage covenant before God – unless that was the full “heart intent”, of both you and your partner, before the first sexual act took place.

Let there be no confusion about what I am saying here. Irrefutably, you do create a sexual blood covenant, WHICH IS THE FORMATION OF A MARRIAGE, each and every time you have sex with someone. However, it is not a binding marriage AGREEMENT, unless marriage was your intent. In other words, your covenant exists, but is not honorable, legitimate or binding.

The core commitment never existed – when your initial intent was a moment of pleasure, as opposed to a life-time of serving.

So my final answer is this: Yes and No.

YES: Common law marriage (saying the term loosely because there was no such term or concept in ancient, biblical times) is acceptable before God, if marriage was the initial intent – with a full understanding that the sexual act would be the beginning of the commencement of that marriage. This basically means that two available (not currently married) people of the opposite sex, choose to come into agreement about a marriage covenant privately and without a public ceremony or court involvement. However such marriages would still be made publicly known.

NO: Shacking up in a sexually-based, non-committed relationship for years, and then just through the passing of time “ending up legally married” is not honorable before God. This covenant can and should be nullified and re-established the decent and orderly way, if you both agree and desire to have a legitimate, binding and blessed marriage covenant before God.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2012 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Can A Person Be Born Homosexual?

The dictionary describes homosexuality as a strong attraction for the same-sex. That definition is too broad. A definition that broad lends itself to labeling everyone that has ever had a sexual thought about the same gender as homosexual. An attraction, which is simply a feeling, would not in and of itself put you in the category of homosexuality – anymore than being attracted to someone underage categorizes you as a pedophile, or getting sexually aroused when you see two dogs have sex justifies labeling you under bestiality. Be that as it may, you are certainly “at-risk” of becoming homosexual if you experience strong, same-sex attraction.  And perhaps you are actually homosexual, just having not given in to the physical act of sex as of yet. If you are doing it in your heart and mind, you have already lost the battle.

The question is often posed, “Can a person be born homosexual?” This is a good question and the answer is a simple and emphatically clear – Yes and No!

Yes, you can be born with an inexplicable inclination toward “reverse-gender” behaviors and same-sex attraction. Let me explain how I know this. I have given birth to seven children. At the time that I am writing this, my youngest is four years old and my oldest is 17. Having had the experience of being involved in training this small army of humanity, I can with certainty say that human beings are born with a vast array of personality traits. These traits range greatly from those most honorable, to those least desired.

One of my children for instance, is the very epitome of joy, and she has always loved to share this joy with any and every one. Since infancy, she has had the ability to transfer feelings of joy to others because she has such a strong energy of happiness emanating from her being. At the same time, she is insanely jealous – more so than any of my other children. Her longing to make people feel good, also causes her to demand to be the center of attention at all times. Now I have another child that is naturally strong and independent. He has from infancy, preferred to be alone. He taught himself to walk at eight months of age, while I was busy trying to teach him to crawl. Yet, he was an unusually angry baby – throwing terrible tantrums; getting easily frustrated; and banging his head in fits of rage. He was always like this, although he had no diagnosed medical issues of any kind. He had the ability to try the patience of a saint with his anger issues! So if the question is, “Can someone be born with negative personality traits and emotional challenges?”why, heavens yes!

Remember that it was explained that an attraction, same-sex or otherwise, is no more than a feeling. That is why people fall in and out of love in marriage. They felt attracted to their spouse at one point, and then at another time no longer felt attracted. Attraction is a fluid emotional state that can be easily affected by external influences and deliberately controlled. With any abnormal or unpleasant personality trait, characteristic or emotional state that a human being may be born with, every attempt should be made to correct it. Homosexual tendencies are no different.

 My son that had the anger issues is now 10. He had many troubled years at school because of his anger. Should I have just allowed him to succumb to his anger because he was born that way? Should I have just told his teachers after he threw books across the room, “Well that is just who he is”? No! He would have been in juvenile detention by the time he was eight. I had to teach him how to manage his strength and use it to his advantage. I used prayer, love, Biblical teachings and sought professional help as well. My friendly daughter that will walk up to a total stranger and hug them like they are her long-lost relative; should I let her think it is okay to be friendly to everyone? Should I not teach her to curtail her friendliness for the sake of keeping her safe from predators? And concerning her jealously – do I not have a responsibility to teach her that though she is a gift from God, she is not His only gift to the world?

You see my point is that just because someone is born with an inclination toward homosexuality, does not mean that the person should not be redirected toward what has been the established order and law of nature since creation. All human beings are born in an imperfect state. Yet if I have a child that is born blind, would I not do everything that I could to give her sight if it were possible? If I have a child who is born deaf, should I not pursue obtaining hearing aids so he can hear? Blindness or deafness does not diminish the value of my child at all. Yet they are abnormalities that will indeed make life much more challenging and difficult for that child. Therefore, if it can be corrected without harming the child in some detrimental way, I will opt for that correction.

The one thing that I am certainly not going to do is pretend that there is no issue, or try to force my child to believe that he or she is “typical”, when all of creation is evidence against that. This will only serve to shroud that child in confusion and darkness. It will render him or her helpless in their ability to make accurate decisions, with mindfulness of the maladies that will make life more challenging for them in certain instances.  By helping them confront their differences and challenges head-on, I empower them to either eradicate those challenges, or to overcome them by using other strengths!

So that is the ‘yes’ part of the answer; now to address the ‘no’ part. Using the example of my formally angry child, (who is almost as gentle as lamb now, by the way) let us continue. I said that he was born with an inclination toward feeling angry and frustrated. If he grew up to kill, could I then say he was born a killer? No. He was born with a bad temper, which was not his choice. How he responds and reacts to that anger; is his choice. If he responds to feelings of anger by killing someone, that is a choice that he makes. Feeling angry is not sinful; killing someone on the other hand, is indeed wrong. Homosexuality is the same. Having feelings of attraction toward someone of the same-sex is not sinful, responding to those feelings through sexual contact with the same-sex, is indeed wrong.

So yes, you can be born with an inclination toward homosexuality. But in order for your feelings of same-sex attraction to cross the border of actually being homosexual – you have to deliberately and consciously act upon them. This also means that you cannot become homosexual through molestation. If someone puts heroin in your food and exposes you to the drug, that does not by default make you a drug addict. You will only become a drug addict if you choose, to yield to the temptation that the experience produces in you, to use heroin again. You then become a drug addict by choice. Homosexual attractions could be inherent, but a homosexual lifestyle is a choice.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Christian Women and Adultery

I have observed a disturbing epidemic lately in the instances of devout Christian women committing adultery and divorcing their husbands. This is a very dear topic to me that affected me in a very personal way, and thus I am compelled to share the revelations that I received about this attack on Christian marriages. There are a number of these situations that have been brought to me, or that I have become aware of. What has been most disturbing to me about this is that the women who have fallen prey to these attacks seem like the most unlikely candidates. Not Gomer-type women, but instead the type of women that you read about in 1 Peter 3:1-2,

1In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, 2when they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him – to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and in the human sense to adore him; that is to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love and enjoy your husband]. (AMP)”

I prayed to God for insight in scripture about the spiritual wickedness behind this trend. And He led me to look at 1 Peter 3:7 and 1 Samuel 30:1-6. 7Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.(1 Pet 3:7 NKJV)” You see a woman who is fulfilling the mandate of 1 Peter 3:1-2 becomes dependent on her husband and that is what makes her the weaker vessel. This scripture is not referring to physical weakness. There is nothing in the context of this chapter that would suggest that. It certainly is not referring to the wife being spiritually weaker. That is made clear with the clause, “as being heirs together of the grace of life”: stated in the New Living Translation as, “but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.”

But if not physically weaker or spiritually weaker, then what is Peter teaching us here? He is teaching us that a woman becomes the weaker vessel emotionally, or “emotionally fragile” in order to fulfill her role as helpmeet. Therefore Peter, who was a married Apostle, exhorts Christian brothers to, “…live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation]… (1 Pet 3:7a AMP)” In other words, live in consideration of what she has to sacrifice emotionally to become that submissive, dependent, adaptable, quiet-spirited, obedient woman who blesses you as a helpmeet.

Now keeping all of that in mind, let’s look at 1 Samuel 30:1-6 (NIV), 1David and his men reached Ziklag on the third day. Now the Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They had attacked Ziklag and burned it, 2and had taken captive the women and everyone else in it, both young and old. They killed none of them, but carried them off as they they went on their way. 3 When David and his men reached Ziklag,   they went on their way.3When David and his men reached Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. 4So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep. 5David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. 6David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God.”

Reading this text is where my understanding came together: the women were left unprotected and taken captive by an enemy! God said that this is what is happening in many Christian homes. The woman in 1 Peter that strives to be that perfect submissive wife, leaves herself vulnerable by willingly becoming the weaker vessel. There are certain attacks that she is simply not strong enough to protect herself from because she has willingly become dependent on her husband.

During times of war in those days, when a woman was taken captive she was forced to marry one of her captors or forced into prostitution. In other words, in her captivity she became an adulteress. It was not a choice that she made or a path that she chose for herself. But the enemy got a hold of these women that were left uncovered and unprotected by their husbands and thus the enemy, “carried them off as they went on their way.”

The wives of today that are being affected by this same enemy spirit that you see operative in 1 Samuel 30 – this spirit that is assigned to steal the wives and children of the soldiers of the Kingdom – are being carried away too! The way of being for these loving wives is to serve the Lord and their husbands. But once your enemies take you captive, they take you their way as the scripture says! In captivity to satan’s attacks, these woman become what they do not want to be and do what they do not want to do.

Christian men – Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors and Teachers especially – beware! This spirit wants to steal your family. And guess what? Only a woman who is emotionally neglected can fall prey to such an attack. Look at verse 6 again, “…for the men spoke of stoning him because the souls of them all were bitterly grieved, each man for his sons and daughters.” You see, no mention was made of these men grieving over their wives. They did not honor their wives. They only cared for what the women could add to them, but cared not for the women themselves. Yet understand that if you fail to dwell together in understanding with your wife; honoring her as the woman who voluntarily made herself weak for the sake of loving and respecting you; thereby allowing the enemy to steal her – you will lose not only her, but all that she gave birth to in your life as well.

Most of the time, a woman taken captive in war is never seen or heard of again. She becomes someone else’s wife. And though taken captive against her will, because she has the heart of a true wife, she will serve and honor her new husband (the scripture calls the husband master in 1 Pet 3:6 [AMP]) just as she did you. And yes, the Lord will bless her because she was a victim of circumstance. Fortunately in this text, David honors his wives and is determined to pursue the enemy and reclaim his them. Because of his love for his wives, his prayers are not hindered. The Lord answers his prayer and all of the women and children are recovered.

Men if you have found yourself in a similar scenario, pursue your wife immediately before the enemy carries her out of your reach. If your marriage has not been affected by this, do not allow it to be. Love, honor, cherish and desire your wife above all. If your wife is long gone and has become the wife of another or her heart is beyond your reach, forgive her and yourself. Examine how the enemy got in and stole your family. Cover her in prayer regardless of the outcome, and move forward with the revelation knowledge of what it will take to be successfully married in the future – if you so choose to marry. Even if you do not marry again, you can help other brothers protect their families.

I did a powerful teaching on this on my YouTube Channel. You can find it here if you have not already seen it. Be sure to watch parts 1 and 2 of the teaching. 

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Understanding Intimacy Part 5: Getting Pregnant with God’s Will

Continuing on with the Understanding Intimacy series we come to part 5. In this post I will share with you the 4th essential lesson that we can learn about our intimate relationship with God through human sexuality. This final lesson is so critical. Have you ever wondered why so many visions, dreams and prophetic words in your life have not yet come to pass? This is going to help you understand it in a way that you never have before! You have to learn how to conceive!

If you want to read the other entries in this series please check out this post “The Understanding Intimacy Series – All Post“. 

4. The Creative Power of Worship

The fourth thing that sexual intimacy in the natural teaches us about worshiping God is that we have creative power when we join together with God intimately in worship. Sexual intercourse in marriage not only demands monogamy, establishes covenant and promotes intimacy, but it also gives a couple creative power. The love between a husband and wife can cause a baby to be born here on earth.

The power to create a baby does not come merely from sperm and egg. Something more powerful must first exist in order to afford conception an opportunity. In other words, before a sperm and egg can meet to form an embryo, something has to bring that man and woman together to engage in sex. Sexual intimacy in a marriage ordained by God is fueled by the love that exists between the man and the woman, and it is the power of that love that brings them together.

Let us consider that for a moment. In essence, the love between a husband and wife cannot be seen, heard, touched, tasted or smelt. To us that live in a seen and tangible world love is more of a “concept” than a “thing”. Something is only real in this realm when we can interact with it using our five senses. Yet, the intangible and unseen concept of love can be manifested, or made real here on earth when the sexual intimacy that is fostered by that love causes a living, breathing human being to be conceived and born.

Before the baby is ever born, it already exists inside of the bodies of its parents. The love that the parents share already exists too. But neither the baby nor the love can be seen with the naked eye or actually brought into manifestation, until the couple comes together in sexual intimacy and the husband deposits what is inside of him into his wife. It is as if once the baby is born you can actually “see” the love, by seeing what the physical expression of that love (sexual intimacy) has produced. Even though the existence of the love and the baby was always certain in eternity, a physical vessel was needed to create something that could be considered real here in the earth realm. Thus, the unseen love and the unseen baby, is manifested using our seen, physical vessels.

In just the same way, God’s unseen Kingdom is brought into manifestation here on earth through our seen, physical vessels. We know that Elohim is the Creator of all things and that in the beginning He created everything that we now see through that which could not be seen – the power of Christ (Gen chap 1, Heb 11:3). But after creating all things, He ordained the laws of nature and He now adheres to those laws that He Himself set in order. Therefore, in order for God to manifest things that exists in the spirit realm (the unseen world) here in the earthly realm (the seen world), He must use physical vessels.

Everything that ever has, does now or ever will exist here on this earth has always eternally existed in God’s spiritual Kingdom. Yet by His own sovereignty, the Father chose to use us as a way to get it from “there” to “here”. When we join together intimately with God in worship, we have the same creative power spiritually that an earthly husband and wife does naturally, when they join together intimately with one another in sex. When we worship Him, He makes a deposit in us. His Spirit, His power and all that He is, is implanted into us. We conceive and give birth to His Kingdom and His will and cause it to be done here on earth just as it is in heaven (Mat 6:10).

Why is it necessary though for us to have this creative power spiritually? Just because The Sovereign Lord ordained it so! It cannot be done any other way. Outside of modern medical technology, the way God originally designed it is that without sexual intercourse, a couple cannot conceive a baby – they have no natural, creative power. Without us worshiping God intimately we cannot conceive His Kingdom – we have no spiritual, creative power! The same way that babies exist in the bodies of their parents even before they are ever born, God created in us seeds of greatness. Seeds of the power, majesty, splendor, greatness and glory of His Kingdom already exist within us, but He must first enter into us and fertilize those seeds in order for them to ever become anything more – anything real. He can only fertilize what is in us when we come together with Him intimately in worship, and then we together with the Almighty Creator, can be used as vessels to manifest His creative power.

Just think about it. God could have multiplied the earth in any way that He chose. Every so often a human being could have just popped up out of the soil like a plant. So why did He chose to do it through the process of sexual intercourse and procreation? He designed it this way because He wanted us to understand our creative power when one with Him! How wonderful is our Lord to share with us His awesome power to create. Hallelujah!

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Understanding Intimacy Part 4: Naked and Not Ashamed

Continuing the series on Understanding Intimacy we come to part 4 today, the third lesson that we learn about our worship through sexual intimacy. This is the most powerful of the four lessons for me. Understanding this revelation changed my relationship with God forever and changed my entire perspective on intimacy and what a relationship between a husband and wife should be like. If you are planning to marry, the quality of relationship described in this post is what you should be looking for in your mate. If it’s not there, work to get it or call it off! To find all post in this series visit The Understanding Intimacy Series – All Post.

The Intimacy of Worship in Spirit

The third lesson that we learn through human sexual relations is about the intimacy of worshiping God. A man and woman who are truly in love enjoy the act of sexual intimacy immensely. They consent that their bodies belong to one another (1 Cor 7:4) and they use every part of those bodies and all five of their senses to express their love and desire. They touch, smell, taste, hear and see their lover during sexual intimacy. Not out of a lustful desire, but instead out of their love for one another, they are easily aroused sexually. Unashamed, they embrace in nakedness to explore one another in body, soul and spirit.

Through intercourse two lovers become one in all three realms, as they completely give themselves over to each other. Likewise, God wants to own us and wants us to give Him ALL of ourselves in worship. He wants us to be easily aroused – ready to worship Him at any moment. He does not want us to come to Him ashamed and covered, but instead He wants us in spiritual nakedness to allow Him to freely explore and touch every part of our spirits. He desires to freely and fully give Himself to us as well. He wants to reveal Himself to us. He desires oneness with us His creation, but we have to be willing to embrace Him. Who really enjoys sexual intimacy when their partner is resisting them?

For scriptural proof that the intimacy of worship is essential to God’s heart we can look at John 4:23, “… true worshipers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship Him.” How important must worship be if the God who is sovereign and owns everything is actually seeking true worshipers? Wow! To worship God in spirit means to give Him everything in you as you worship Him not from the head, or even from the flesh, but from your heart.

In the natural there is a difference between “making love” and merely “having sex”. Having sex is a pleasurable physical experience but is empty of heart and soul. When a couple that is in love has sex, they do it with their entire beings. It is not just a physical act, but instead is the Ultimate Physical Expression of a deep abiding love that comes from the heart.  True worshipers are those that worship The Lord in spirit, in the same way a husband and wife who are truly in love share sexual intimacy in the natural. We worship with our hearts and not just our bodies.

To worship Yahweh in truth means to come humbly but boldly to Him, in the sincerity of all that you are; knowing that He will accept you because of the great love shared between you and Him. Have you ever wondered how a very attractive woman ends up with a “hard on the eyes” man? Her love covers all of his faults; in her eyes he is beautiful just as he is. This is the revelation of Adam and Eve being before the Lord “naked and not ashamed”. A loving couple has no problem standing completely nude before one another even in bright, revealing lights, regardless of the condition of their bodies.

Can you imagine the shock of a man thinking that a woman has naturally long hair and then during sex he accidentally pulls off her wig? (Laugh). It sounds funny I know, but this is how we usually present ourselves to God. Of course, He is not shocked when our “wigs come off”; He is just disappointed that we thought we needed them. When a woman knows that she is truly loved, she doesn’t have to go to bed with make-up on, or wear wigs and fancy sex outfits to try to present an image that she thinks is more acceptable than the truth of who she is! This is how God wants us to come to Him, in truth, allowing His love to cover all of our faults. We are beautiful in His eyes just the way we are. To find this kind of worship is rare, and that is why Yahweh is actually seeking those that will worship Him this way. Worshipers of this kind are actually restoring back to Him what He lost in the garden at the fall, vessels that will stand before Him naked and unashamed – allowing Him to enjoy the perfect design that He created you with – not marring your beauty with fig leaves – which are nothing more than dead trees.

You show me a couple that lacks sexual intimacy in their relationship, and I will show you a couple that is disconnected, does not know each other well soulfully or as friends, does not enjoy spending time with one another and misrepresents one another in the presence of others. It is the exact same way for believers that do not worship God intimately. Given that we are His vessels and representation here on earth, you can understand how crucial it is that we stay connected to Him through worship. We have to stay connected to The Vine!

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Understanding Intimacy Part 3: How is the Practice of Communion Like Sex?

I am continuing my series on understanding intimacy. If you have not read parts 1 and 2 of the series, please read them before reading this article. We ended part 1 with the revelation that there are 4 lessons that God wants to teach us through the sexual intimacy of a husband and wife, according to His perfect design for sex. This post today is about the second lesson that we learn through the sexual intimacy of a husband and wife. To find all post in this series visit The Understanding Intimacy Series – All Post.

Establishing and Strengthening Blood Covenant

The second lesson that we can learn from the act of lovemaking is the great importance of worshiping God for the establishing and maintaining of our covenant with Him. The most critical purpose of sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is to strengthen and re-establish the covenant bond and partnership between them. Friendships may come a dime a dozen, but covenant relationships are rare. That is part of what makes the marital relationship so special, it is a covenant relationship that is established in blood.

Let’s examine this. It is medically known that the first time a woman has intercourse, she sheds blood. This can happen at times other than the first as well because it is an increase in blood flow to the woman’s genital area that enables arousal and lubrication before and during sex. Blood is also the driving force behind the erection and ejaculation of a man. His penis is actually made up of tiny blood vessels that swell with blood to cause an erection. This blood stimulates all of the sensitive nerve endings in his genital area helping him to maintain the erection until the pleasure build up causes him to release his seed. When it comes right down to it, sex is all about blood flow!

What is the significance of this? Well, in the Bible we learn that the most powerful covenant that can be made is one that is established in blood (Ex 24:8, Zech 9:11, Mat 26:28, Heb 9:18-22). Taking into consideration the blood flow involved in sex acts, understand that a blood covenant is made between a husband and wife when they first have sex – regardless of virginity or lack thereof. Through sexual intimacy they become partners to one another for life. A blood covenant can only be broken by death or by the establishing of a new blood covenant which cancels out the old one. Thus every time that couple connects their bodies and blood in intercourse, they are strengthening the established bond and covenant between them.

We too are in a blood covenant (through the Blood of Jesus) with the Father. Just as is the case with a husband and wife, each time we worship Him we re-establish and strengthen our bond and spiritual covenant with Him. We see a picture of this parallel even in the practice of communion where we partake of the Body and Blood of the Messiah (Luke 22:19-20). Scripture tells us we are to do this “in remembrance” of Jesus, who brought us the New Covenant. During sex a couple takes in each other’s bodies and also drink in each other’s blood (by the exchange of fluids that occur during open-mouthed kissing). You take communion every time you have sex!

This is a hint as to why there is a natural drive for sexual intercourse after an argument. Discord weakens the bond that holds the covenant together, sexual intercourse re-establishes it. Couples NEED to share intercourse frequently, and we likewise must worship God frequently. If you were to observe a couple that has poor and infrequent sexual relations you would find that couple does not understand the concepts of partnership, loyalty and commitment in marriage. (There are always exceptions due to illness, distance, age, etc., but any close, intimate couple had frequent and enjoyable intercourse at some point in their marriage.) Unsatisfactory sexual intimacy is the number one cause for infidelity. This is not because the physical aspect of the sex is so important, but is instead because without the intimacy that sex represents, all other aspects of the relationship falls apart.

It is so important for a married couple to have mutually enjoyable sexual intimacy often. Each time they lay together and partake of one another’s bodies and blood, they are reminded of the covenant they made to one another as husband and wife. This bond is strengthened as time and tribulations reveal their commitment to one another. It is equally as important for us to experience mutually enjoyable worship with God to help us remember our covenant and remain faithful to Him.

“24 and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” 25 In the same manner He also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.”  26 For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death till He comes. (1 Cor 11:24-26, NKJV)”

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.