The King vs the Fool: How to make a woman submit II

How to Make a Woman Submit II: The King vs. the Fool
Date: May 11, 2016

Time: 9pm-11pm CST / 10pm-12am EST

Call in: 214-431-5062

Listen in:
The hottest topic to date in the history of the show, “How to Make a Woman Submit” had the phones ringing off the hook! So many of you were unable to say your piece, but now is your chance! On the next broadcast, Dr. Intimacy and special guest George Baker, will continue the conversation discussing the King vs. the Fool. In every man there is a KING and a fool. Will a woman submit to a fool? Does a king have a way of bringing a woman into submission without the resistance a fool encounters? We’ll find out next, on Inspired Intimacy Talk Radio! By the way, if you missed part I, here’s the replay link!…/how-to-make-a-woman-submit
Inspired Intimacy Talk Radio is LIVE on the air every Wednesday night from 9pm-11pm CST, with Creator and Host Dr. Intimacy & Co-Producer J. Revival. Join us as we explore the naked truth about Love, Life & Intimacy!
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HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN SUBMIT – Dr. Intimacy LIVE on the air Wednesday!

Broadast Promo Template with Guest

Date: April 20, 2016
Time: 9pm-11pm CST
Call in: 214-431-5062
Listen in:

Every man secretly wishes his woman would respect and obey him. He wants a woman who listens to him, agrees with him and submits to him. But in 2016, who can find this woman? Do submissive women really exist? Can a woman actually enjoy submitting? How can you establish yourself as the “Alpha Male” in your relationship? What’s the secret to getting a woman to submit to your manly authority and absolutely love it? Let’s talk about it on the next episode of Inspired Intimacy Talk Radio, with Dr. Intimacy and special guest Donald Graham Jr., author of Amazon best-seller, Loving Her Means Loving Him!

Inspired Intimacy Talk Radio is LIVE on the air every Wednesday night from 9pm-11pm CST, with Creator and Host Dr. Intimacy & Co-Producer J. Revival. Join us as we explore the naked truth about Love, Life & Intimacy!

CALL IN LIVE to ask a question or make a comment
By PHONE: 214-431-5062.
By SKYPE: add ‘fishbowlreadionetwork2’

If you already MISSED THE SHOW no worries! Check out all the archives on our SoundCloud page.

To learn more about Dr. Intimacy or how you can book her for an engagement or session please visit her website

Ask Dr. Intimacy – Oral sex, sex demons, common law marriage and more!

Ask Dr. Intimacy 2-3-16

Dr. Intimacy is known for bringing the raw truth that liberates people from the chains that bind them. Thousands all around the world would love to sit down and ask her a question about a personal situation. Tonight, take a trip to the spiritual ER and allow Dr. Intimacy to go inside and heal you, as she tackles some of the most common questions asked of her by people from around the globe. One of your personal questions will probably be answered too! Please tune in, you do not want to miss this life changing show!

Inspired Intimacy Talk Radio is LIVE on the air every Wednesday night from 9pm-11pm CST, with Creator and Host Dr. Intimacy, Co-Hosts Howard J. and Brendon “White Chocolate” Stewart & Co-Producer J. Revival.

Join Dr. Intimacy as we explore the naked truth about Love, Life, Intimacy!

CALL IN LIVE to ask a question or make a comment
By PHONE: 214-431-5062.
By SKYPE: add ‘fishbowlreadionetwork2’

To listen to the LIVE show or ARCHIVES, please visit our website.

The Inevitable Break

broken cupLast week I discovered that one of my favorite coffee mugs had a large crack across the bottom and up both sides. Although the mug had maintained its form, it was obvious that the crack would eventaully result in a break. I should have thrown the glass away at that point, but because it was one of my favorites, against my better judgement, I kept the glass and continued to use it. The first couple of times I used it, all was well. I washed it several times, and still all was well. After a while, I became confident that the glass would hold up and began to ignore the inevitable and impending break.

This morning, I opened up a brand new box of my favorite gourment instant coffee. I poured it into my favorite, but defective mug, with all confidence that I would momentarily be sipping on some deliciousness. I poured in the coffee powder and the hot water and began to stir. It was then that I heard the unmistakable, creaking sound of the glass cracking. The pressure from the heat put too much strain on the crack and it was about to break. I put the cup down and turned to run to try and get another glass, but before I could take one step, the glass exploded apart and my gourment coffee was spilling all over the place. Not only did the glass break and the coffee spill but the spilled liquid got all over my carpet, seeped under my blu-ray player, saturated a surround sound speaker and got on my clothes.

My dominating thought at the moment was, “I should have thrown this away when I first realized that the break was inevitable!” When it was all said and done, not only did I have to throw the glass out anyway, I also had to throw out the speaker and blu-ray player and spend a lot of time cleaning up the mess that was left behind.

MORAL OF THE STORY: This is how relationships are at times. The relationship is deeply cracked from the inside-out and there is no way to fix it. You can see the crack and an eventual break is inevitable, but because this person means so much to you, you continue to function as if all is well. You ignore the warning signs and keep pouring more into it, expecting to enjoy a benefit that you will never reap, not considering what you can lose or what it may cost you.  You don’t consider what may happen when the contents of the inevitable break seep into other areas of your life. When the ill effects of all of the lost emotion, time, energy and effort that you have continuously poured into the relationship begin to affect your other relationships, your job, your health, your ministry, your goals, etc., not only will it damage or destroy those things, it will cost you time to clean up the messy aftermath of the break!

Although there was no way for me to prevent the glass from breaking, once it was cracked, I could have greatly mitigated my damages by heeding the warning signs; throwing the glass out when I first knew the break was inevitable. Just like a cracked glass will eventually break under the pressure of hot liquid, so will a defective relationship inevitably break under the pressure of life’s challenges. Relationships never end without warning. Heed the warning and cut your lossess before they become even more expensive.

Never pour something valuable into something broken…

If you like this please comment and share!

~Insights from Dr. Intimacy~ © 2015, Laneen DrIntimacy Haniah


I’m a Pastor Addicted to Porn and Masturbation…


My schedule does not permit me to answer as many questions as I’d like to on this blog, but every so often, I get a post that tears at my heart, and I have to stop everything to respond to it. The following was one such post that came in on the “Ask Dr. Intimacy” page. Below is the post and then beneath that, my response. I hope it helps someone…

Dr. Intimacy,

Thank you for your obedience to God and your willingness to make your personal matters public so awareness and deliverance can take place in the life of others. I have read most of the articles you have posted and I also have purchased your book “Sexually Transmitted Demons.” My question for you is how to do I experience real deliverance from the sexual perversion in my life. I can stop masturbating for a couple of days but the urges are so strong that no matter what I do it is hard for me to resist. I watch porn and masturbate at least 4 to 5 times a day and I try to stop. I try to find other things to do but it’s like I cannot have any peace unless I watch porn and masturbate then I am good. I believe, well I know, this has cost me my pastorate and it almost cost me my marriage. About 3 years ago I resigned as pastor and nobody knew why. I was so ashamed that I even left my wife and my children for a year. My wife was a virgin when we got married and I think I have transferred this spirit to her. I asked her to watch porn with me. I asked her to have phone sex with me when I traveled. I baited her into conversations about threesomes and eventually we had one and now I think she struggles with a lesbian spirit because she always wants to have a threesome with a woman. And during sex she only has an orgasm when she calls out a female name or she will have me call out another female’s name we may know. I can see her as we have sex fantasizing about another person as she climax. We have had a threesome with a close friend of ours and she always initiates it. This spirit has overtaken my marriage and I have tried with everything in me to reel it back in and whatever I do fails. It seems like the harder I try the worst it gets. I had a growing church and helped a lot of people walk through the difficult stages of their life but I am living with this dark secret and I could not in good conscious pastor and know I was struggling with sexual perversion so I resigned. I am trying everything to stop with no success. I have read books, blogs. I have prayed and confessed. I tried playing sermons and worship music when the urges come. I have watched your youtube channel and if I may be honest I find myself lusting after you. I think to myself why am I like this? I do not want to be this way. I can help everyone else and help fix everybody else’s problems but when it comes to me I can’t experience the deliverance I preach and minister to others. I know Christ. I know the power of the Holy Spirit. I do not drink or do drugs. I am a person of integrity and influence within my community but I can’t shake this. I said this the thorn in my side but I can’t imagine God allowing this struggle that has the potential to affect and destroy so many be allowed in my life. I take my ministry seriously and the souls He has for me to care after. I would rather die than to not be able to serve God so this is literally killing me.  Thank you for any help or insight you may offer.



I put emphasis on “Pastor” because the gifts and callings of God are irrevocable until we die! Your letter really tore at my heart. You and your wife are, indeed, in a great deal of bondage and I will not pretend to make light of it. As I sat here praying about your situation and seeking a Word that could start you on the road to recovery, The Holy Spirit whispered this phrase into my ear,

 “Let guilt give way to conviction…”

That phrase illuminated my soul and I felt an immediate release as I received it. You see, that phrase concisely explains the process that I went through when getting delivered from sexual lust and masturbation, during my walk, as a Leader to The Body.

It is the worst kind of pain, when it’s the pain of self-condemnation, and that is what masturbation and porn produce. You are in the most addictive of situations because the very thing that makes you want to stop, also drives you to do it more! That thing is GUILT. Guilt is the emotion that produces remorse, which causes us to change our ways. But in the case of masturbation and porn, guilt only feeds the spirit. Guilt and self-condemnation empower the forces of masturbation and porn, making you want to do it more and more. This is because masturbation and porn are methods of escape – escape from chaos, failure, stress, sickness, disappointment, anger, GUILT… The same negative circumstances that drive any addiction, drive masturbation and porn addictions as well.

The cycle of guilt and release — condemnation and comfort – causes you to feel so hopelessly trapped. It seems to stop is as equally tormenting as it is to continue, but at least in continuing there is “some relief”. This is how it seems anyway, and I know this is hitting home! But the truth is that the pain of continuing is PERMANENT, while the pain of stopping is only temporary. That is a truth that you must CONSTANTLY KEEP BEFORE YOU. You should write that phrase on papers and post them on every wall, window, door and mirror in your home. And post it in your car and office too! You shall know the TRUTH, and the TRUTH shall make you FREE.

You have fallen into a cycle of believing lies, and the worse of those lies is that feeling guilty and self-condemned somehow serves as an act of humility and repentance that will lead to righteousness. Guilt will, to the contrary, UNCONDITIONALLY GUARANTEE that you stay addicted until you breathe your last breath. Guilt is the very opposite of faith, and doubt is the very worst kind of perversion. That is why Messiah says in Matthew 17:17, “O faithless and PERVERSE generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I suffer you?…” Doubt and unbelief opens the door for the strongest sexual addictions because doubt is, in and of itself, a strong form of perversion. And what good is our faith, if not for believing that we are JUSTIFIED – no matter what? “For the just shall live by faith…” Is that not what the Word has taught us my dear Brother?

So step one is to demand your soul to receive the TRUTH, the truth that you are justified not by your acts, but instead by your faith in The Risen Savior. Step two is to use that truth to bring subject every false spirit of self-condemnation and guilt that is fostering this addiction. If you are already justified, then there is nothing to feel guilty about. Which means going forward, you will not allow yourself to feel guilty when you watch porn or masturbate or have a threesome or…

WAIT! Am I saying to continue in these things? NO! I am saying that you should live in the freedom of grace and not the imprisonment of condemnation. The stress produced by guilt prevents understanding from coming forth. Therefore, by giving way to guilt, you suppress the wisdom that would yield deliverance. The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin, He does not condemn us for it. With conviction comes forgiveness, cleansing andmost importantly, redirection. With guilt comes chains. Once you stop opening yourself up to the enemy’s guilt, you make room for the The Spirit’s conviction.

So my dear brother, make the very best choices that you have the strength to make each day. Plan a day of righteousness and productivity. Don’t plan sinful activities, but if in the midst of trying to live your day for God you fall, don’t let guilt come into your heart. Let guilt give way to conviction.

If you feel overwhelmed, to the extent of insanity, for the desire for porn or masturbation, know that in your flesh, it is a battle that you will never win.  Therefore, give yourself PERMISSION to live in the freedom of grace. Explore how you feel “led” at any given time. Does that mean that you are being “led” correctly? Not necessarily — sometimes demons are in the lead, sometimes the flesh is in the lead and sometimes The Holy Spirit is in the lead… But how will you know what is really in your heart, if you don’t allow it to come to the surface and allow The Spirit of the Living God to expose the dark things of your heart and wash them away. Therefore, live in the NOW of eternity, and Let guilt give way to conviction.

Calmly ask for and receive forgiveness for your short comings, and sit and talk to The Father about these things. You see, if you pray in faith for a desire for righteousness and then just believe for God to answer that prayer, you have to rest in that belief. You can’t fight to live right because then it is by works and by might. Instead, if you evaluate what you desire to do, at all times – without being anxious about if it’s right or wrong — and yet acknowledge God in all of your ways (this is key), it is then that the power of conviction begins to work. Suddenly, you become aware of how wicked your desires are. You will see firsthand how far away you are from righteousness, not just in your acts, but in your very essence. You will then LOSE the desire for what you once thought you could not live without, when you let guilt give way to conviction.

And that Pastor, is what it is really all about. It is not about stopping an act in the flesh, but being transformed at a heart level. Better for a wicked desire to be transformed into a righteous one, than to simply “overcome” and “bury” that desire. What good is using will power to overcome just the act, when your heart is still just as filthy as it always was? So when you become aware and begin to lose the desire, that is when discipline can push you to your goal – when you actually WANT to stop, as opposed to “knowing that you should, but not really wanting to”. Then, that is when you will effectively remind yourself — not out of guilt, but out of your desire to please The Father — that the pain of continuing is PERMANENT, while the pain of stopping is only temporary...

When you finally let guilt give way to conviction.”

And that is the Word of The LORD!

In the Power of His Love,

Prophetess Laneen “Dr. Intimacy” Haniah

Be blessed and be sure to order both of my books. You and your wife read them together. It will help you tremendously, but especially “The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Reference Book.” You can order them on my website,

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Worship from a Holistic Perspective

Crushing the bonds of sexual perversion and healing the bonds of heart-2-heart love & intimacy.

Copyright © 2014 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

Don’t Poison Yourself With Bad Memories!

bad break ups

Sometimes, when dealing with a tumultuous breakup, we think it best to get over a person by reflecting on painful memories, upsetting past events and  all of their negative qualities. The reasoning behind this method is that reflecting on the negatives of the relationship becomes the prodding rod that keeps you from going backward. Focusing on the pain or upset the person caused in your life is used to solidify acceptance of the breakup, and therefore such negative thinking is deemed a good thing.

However, I find this philosophy to be extremely flawed. Negativity breeds negativity! If you reflect on the pain of the past, it will punish your future. Such focus will keep you in a state of resentment toward your ex. It may also induce feelings of victimization, as you dwell on the issues that the person brought about in your life. It will undoubtedly embitter you toward similar people in the future, and may cause you to become cynical toward relationships in general. Worst of all, it will negatively impact your self-confidence. This is because, in essence,  no matter what negative qualities your ex had, YOU CHOSE that person. When it is all said and done, that negative reflection reveals more of your own flaws than it does the person that it is aimed toward!

My suggestion is to, instead of reflecting on the negatives of the relationship, reflect on the positives. You were with that person for a reason. In the midst of all that went wrong, there were some things that went right. You enjoyed something about the person, otherwise you would not have been with them in the first place. When hurt and/or anger begins to rise up in you, you should reflect on the good things about the relationship and kill those negative emotions. This kind of positive retrospection will cause you to rebound much faster. It will create a positive intrinsic environment, which is very therapeutic. It will build your self-confidence, as you commend yourself on choosing the qualities that you liked in the person. Most importantly though, it builds hope for the future. It will provide a positive outlook toward future relationships and reassure you of your ability to choose a partner that you will enjoy being with.

Focusing on why you were with that person will help you look for those same qualities in your next prospect. It can also help you evaluate the breakup, and whether or not reconciliation should be considered. Even if you decide not to reconcile, at least you won’t have a flashback, on a lonely night, six months down the road, and suddenly remember all of the wonderful things about your ex. Then, in an emotional overload, rekindle a toxic relationship!

As long as you do not allow your retrospection to become reminiscent, (evaluate the past, don’t daydream about it) you don’t have to worry about your fond memories causing you to go running back to your ex. In your evaluation, you will calmly remember that the relationship ended for a reason. However, if you remember all of the wonderful things about your ex at the onset of the breakup, and still choose to move forward, then you will know you made a solid and well thought out decision. A well thought out decision requires just as much evaluation to “undo”, preventing rash, emotional reconciliations that lead to repeated break ups, with the same person.

As you can see, the benefits of positive reflection after a breakup far outweigh the detriment of “ex-bashing”. So keep it positive, even after a difficult breakup, and you will attract Mr. or Mrs. Right sooner than you think. You may even discover, that you had him or her all along!

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Worship from a Holistic Perspective –

Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion and healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy.

Copyright © 2013 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

Going Through a Divorce…

…Well, Get Through It Already!


Although the above picture probably gave you a chuckle, divorce is a sad thing – even if you desire the divorce, it is still a sad occasion. But what’s even sadder than getting a divorce, is NOT getting a divorce! There is almost nothing sadder than people who are “going through” a divorce for years and sometimes even decades. From the wife that just won’t accept the fact that her husband does not want to remain married; to the husband that files for divorce, as a bluff to force his wife to change, and finds that it is ineffectual; to the couple that is “staying together for the kids”… There are many reasons that people get stuck in the divorce process, but no matter what the reason, a couple in this situation, is LIVING IN AN OPEN GRAVE.

I interviewed an elderly gentleman today, whose “open grave” situation I became aware of, through one of my clients. I was highly intrigued by this gentleman’s story and privileged that he opened up to me about it. I want to share the interview. I pray that after learning of his story, if you are in your own “open grave” situation, you will very expeditiously get on the other side of “going through”, and redeem the precious remainder of your life!

Just as a side note, I made no attempt to “minister” to this gentleman because he did not come to me for counsel. He is a non-believer that respectfully agreed to an interview, and so I interviewed him like a journalist, in a non-biased manner. This is just FYI. I will call this man “Greg”.


Dr. Intimacy: For the record Greg, how old are you?

Greg: I am 70 years old. I can’t believe how fast the years have gone by. How old are you?

Dr. Intimacy: I am 37.

Greg: Oh, you are a young lady. You wait until you get into your mid 40’s, the years are going to start flying by.

Dr. Intimacy: So Greg, tell me about this big change that you are going to be making in your life in the coming months.

Greg: Well, I am going to be moving out of the country to be with my soul mate. I finally found “the one”.

Dr. Intimacy: You have been married for 45 years Greg. Are you going to “officially” divorce your wife before you leave?

Greg: No, at my age, it’s not worth it.

Dr. Intimacy: Isn’t your freedom worth it?

Greg: Listen, I don’t want anything from my wife. I have paid the house off and I am signing the deed over to her. I am going to continue to pay her bills and she can have everything. In this state that I live in, I will have to pay all of her legal fees if we go through a divorce. There is no way I am going to pay $50,000 to fight over a $500 couch! If she files and wants an uncontested divorce, I will gladly sign the papers, but it doesn’t matter to me either way. I am leaving the country.

Dr. Intimacy: Is your wife aware of your plans?

Greg: No she isn’t. I have done everything very discreetly. I have taken care of all of my affairs. I have already purchased my burial plot. My son is the executor of my estate. My funeral costs are paid for.  I am debt free… I have not told her anything. I did what I had to do to make this happen. I will not tell her until I am just about to leave.

Dr. Intimacy: I see. Greg let me ask you something… I know that you are pretty sick. At your age and with your health challenges and so much of your youth and vitality gone, do you have any regrets about not making this change sooner, so you could have enjoyed more years of your li… (cut off before I could even finish the sentence).

Greg: OH YES! Do I regret it! I feel like I have wasted 45 years of my life!!!

Dr. Intimacy: Well Greg, help me understand your thought process. If you knew so many years ago that you were experiencing that depth of misery, why didn’t you leave long ago? From what I understand, you have worked all these years to ensure that you could come out ahead financially when you finally “freed” yourself. But, how could you value provision and finance above your own happiness, freedom and peace?

Greg: You don’t understand, it’s not that simple. I mean, this woman… I don’t want to say she’s a bad person, but there is just something about her… Her own sister has not spoken to her in 27 years. She has a brother that is a pastor and even he has not spoken to her in 25 years! Her problem is that she wants to control everybody’s life! I mean…

Dr. Intimacy: Again Greg, my question is – why was money worth staying, if it was that bad?

Greg: You know Laneen, I filed for divorce in 2001. When the litigation began, it was very nasty. My lawyer really screwed me. I could have sued the lawyer for breach of contract, it was so bad! The whole thing was a big waste of money, and I ended up having to have the case removed from the docket, due to the lawyer’s incompetence! I hate litigation. I lost a half a million dollars in litigation back in 1983! I hate litigation, any kind of litigation, even divorce litigation. I haven’t lived with my wife since 2001. So, the way I see it, I saved $50,000 in litigation fees!

Dr. Intimacy: Ok Greg, putting your hatred for litigation aside; let me ask you a philosophical question. You said to me earlier that you feel you have wasted 45 years of your life. Let’s just say that 30 years ago, you went ahead and finalized your divorce. Let’s say that the worse case scenario happened in the divorce outcome – you lost everything, had a ton of legal fees and had to pay a huge alimony settlement. After the outcome of the divorce, let’s say you got on with your life, entered into a happy marriage with another woman and lived life peacefully and happily from that point forward… To add 30 years of peace back to your life, would it had not been worth the $50,000?

Greg: (In a sad and somber tone) Yes.

Dr. Intimacy: What if it had cost you $100,000 or even if it cost you a million dollars… Isn’t your life worth it? So at 70 years old you’re finally debt free – but so what if going through the divorce had cost you an extra five years of debt?! Would it really matter 30 happy years later?

Greg: You’re right. My life was worth more.

Dr. Intimacy: So did you save $50,000, or did you lose 30 years of your life?

Greg: You know what the worst part about it is?

Dr. Intimacy: What Greg?

Greg: When you go through life unhappy, you become an angry person. You become someone other than who you really are. And honestly, living a happy life is going to add another 5 or 10 years to your life anyway.

Dr. Intimacy: So you would have time to make up for the money you lost, huh? (Laugh)

Greg: Exactly! (Laugh)

Dr. Intimacy: Greg, let me ask you this. Were you ever in love with your wife?

Greg: I thought I was, but I knew the first week we were married that I had made a mistake.

Dr. Intimacy: Really? How did you know that?

Greg: I don’t know; I just knew. We didn’t have a single commonality. We are completely different in every way. It wasn’t just that though. I don’t really know how to explain it. I just knew. When you find the right person, you just know, and it really makes a difference… Doesn’t it?

Dr. Intimacy: Yes, Greg. I agree. I do have one final question for you. Your friend that made me aware of your situation is in a similar type of marriage, of 32 years. (He is 56 and filed for divorce nearly two years ago and has yet to finalize it.) From my sessions with him, I understand that he is completely divorced from his wife physically, mentally and emotionally but will not finalize the divorce on paper due to finances. He wants to “get his affairs in order”, just the same as you have finally completed at 70 years of age. But you and I both know that realistically, with the amount of debt that he is in; it will be a number of years before he is financially “comfortable” enough to come out ahead in a divorce. As one of your best friends, doesn’t it hurt you to see him going down the same path that you traveled?

Greg: Yes, I have to talk to him! I have to tell him not to make the same mistake that I made. Life is not about money. It is about so much more than money. Let’s face it; I am a very sick man. I am 70 years old, and the average lifespan for a US male is 73. I don’t have many years left; certainly not many good years. Even if I live another 10 years, that is not a lot of time! I am determined to be happy for the last years of my life. I don’t want him to make the same mistake that I made. I am going to talk to him and tell him that he needs to be happy and enjoy his life. Life is not about money.

Dr. Intimacy: OK, thank you so much for your time Greg. I appreciate you sharing.


As a minister of The Gospel, divorce breaks my heart just as much as it does any preacher’s. However, it is an undeniable fact that some marriages are erroneous, contaminated unions of flesh that produce nothing but bad fruit. Yeshua says in scripture that you shall know a tree by its fruit, whether the tree is good or bad. When you examine the fruit of some marriages, you will find that it is rotten to the core. Even some marriages that have lasted for years and even decades, are producing rotten fruit that is contaminating the nation with adultery, bitterness, hatred, thwarted purposes, destroyed destinies and misrepresentations of holy matrimony.

If you know in your heart that your marriage is over with; if both you and your spouse are not 100% committed to making the marriage honor the holy matrimony that God intended for it to be; if you know that you have already given your heart to someone else; if you have not touched your spouse in years and don’t even want to again; if you are only staying together for the kids; if your spouse has filed for divorce and you refuse to accept that it’s over; if your spouse is having an open affair without repentance; if you are a woman who is afraid that you can’t survive financially on your own; if you are a man fearful of losing all that you’ve worked for; if you think divorce is too expensive… Whatever your empty excuses are for living in the open grave that has become your life, I ask you to consider:

Price versus Cost…

Yes, getting a divorce can be financially burdensome. It can be hard on the children. The changes you have to face are fearful and overwhelming at times. It can be murder on your public reputation. Divorce is expensive in a lot of ways. The price is hefty, but what will it cost you to stay: Price v. Cost? Will it cost you 45 years of life, like it has cost Greg? Will you be dying of cancer, trying to escape the country before you finally realize that there was no price too great to pay to get your life back on the right path, as quickly as possible? Will you have spent so many years in bitterness that it ate away your bones and rotted away your dreams?

I have been through divorce, and it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. But, I made it; I am here; I recovered; I am alive. I don’t wish that anyone would have to go through the death of divorce. But I would rather completely die once, and then be fully resurrected and restored to health, than to spend the rest of my existence bedridden, in a brain-dead, vegetative state: That is the difference between finalizing a divorce and living continuously in a divorced state of heart! Once someone is divorced in the heart and unwilling to reconcile, the marriage is over. It is a disgraceful waste of life to continue in that state!

Everyone makes mistakes. Some mistakes, like a poorly chosen spouse, are more painful than others. But what is exceedingly more painful than making a mistake, is punishing yourself to live in that mistake forever. You have the option of forgiveness, restoration and wholeness. You can begin your life again, anew. So quit punishing yourself! STOP “going through” divorce, and “get through” with divorce! Redeem the rest of your life immediately! Don’t waste another precious moment of peace and purpose! The pain and the price is worth it; your soul will thank you; take it from Greg!

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Worship from a Holistic Perspective –

Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion and healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy.

Copyright © 2013 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.

Ask Dr. Intimacy – Help for Married Men

How do you get over desire for a former partner when you are happily married? Is oral sex spoken of in the Bible? How can you show your wife in scripture that she should honor you and not nag you? All of these questions are addressed in this video. I recorded this video especially with Christian men in mind. I hope it blesses you. Enjoy!

Is Common Law Marriage Acceptable Before God?

Most of us know what common law marriage is. This happens when two people, who are afraid of commitment, shack up for so long that they become legally recognized as husband and wife, by the government and other people. These types of couples tend to consider themselves to be married when it suits them, and not married when it doesn’t  It is a false commitment or an oxymoron at best, because you cannot be “committed” in a non-committed relationship.

Nevertheless, the concept of a common law marriage is not as unbiblical as it may seem. In actuality, what creates a marriage covenant is sexual intercourse. The courts create a marriage contract, but sexual intercourse – with or without the involvement of the courts – creates a marriage covenant. When two people become sexually active and then decide to live together, the inbred human instinct is likely the force that is driving them. You see, from the beginning of time, it would have been unlawful to follow any other course of action.

As the old saying goes, “You break it, you buy it!” In other words, whenever a man was the one to break a woman’s virginity, or her abstinence after divorce or widowhood, she became his to keep for life. She became his responsibility and obligation. If you were a woman, who allowed yourself to succumb to the temptation of sex with a man, you became that man’s property, his wife.

What we call “common law marriage”, was the only type of marriage that existed in early times and amongst the Children of Israel. Paperwork was not necessary to establish, solidify or validate a marriage covenant that two people made in private. As a matter of fact, amongst those cultures of morally strict beliefs (such as the Jews), if two people had sex and did not accept each other as husband and wife, and it became publicly known, there were serious penalties – sometimes as serious as execution! For the woman found in this situation that was not killed, she was labeled a prostitute, and the man a whoremonger. So in actuality, “common law marriage” was common place.

Yet at the same time, because marriage in most cultures is such a significant and honorable event, there was quite a bit of ceremony surrounding the making of a marriage covenant. The village of the husband and wife to be – the elders, family members and friends – rallied in support of the new couple. The village also stood as witnesses of the covenant, to ensure that the union be made publicly known. This was to hold the new couple accountable to the guidelines of the covenant, and to discourage the couple from living as if they were still available. These traditional practices led to what we now know as the wedding ceremony. However, these ceremonies were not paramount in the establishing of a marriage, the way it is in our culture today.  In some instances, the covenant was made privately between the new husband and wife; then publicized and celebrated later. It was perfectly legal and acceptable to do so, as long as the female was free to speak for herself (meaning she was not still of her father’s household, a slave or in another marriage).

So if you are involved in a common law marriage, you might be jumping for joy right now, feeling like you are “OK” in your “shacking” situation – BUT HOLD YOUR HORSES. No covenant can ever be established without a meeting of the minds. In every covenant recorded in scripture, the terms of the covenant were clearly outlined to all parties involved. Furthermore, the covenant was not binding until all parties, with full understanding and by their own choice, agreed to abide by the terms. “How can two walk together unless they agree?” There cannot be the establishment of a covenant without full AGREEMENT. And since a marriage covenant is made between a man, a woman and God (because it is God who designed and ordained the marriage covenant) – the man and woman must be in agreement with each other and with God, in order for that covenant to be a legitimately established and binding one.

A covenant is such a strong, life-altering, forever-binding commitment, which such great consequences for violating any of the terms. It would be beyond unjust to bind someone to a covenant, without their knowledge.  As it were, it is actually impossible to do so! You can forge someone’s name on a contract, but you cannot forge a covenant. The issue here is that we are talking about the difference between a contract and a covenant. A contract is created on paper and can therefore be nullified on paper, but a covenant is created in the spirit. It is something that cannot be established on paper, but is instead written on the tablets of the heart. It is a solemn, sober-minded, life-long pledge of commitment that is literally engrafted into the heart and soul of the parties of agreement.

A contract can be cancelled, but in order to break an established covenant, something or someone has to die. You are forever changed after making a covenant and whatever or whoever you were before that covenant was made, no longer exists afterward. You can never go back and be that person again. You are so radically altered that you are literally no longer the same person. The only way to get around the obligations of a covenant – and I do mean “get around” in every sense of its significance – is to drastically alter your life once again. You have to recreate yourself, in order to be able to function and work around whatever in you had to die, for that covenant to be broken.

So you may be asking yourself, “OK, what is the point she is trying to make here?” The point that I am making is this:

Any sexual blood covenant that you create with the person you are having sex with, will not stand as a binding marriage covenant before God – unless that was the full “heart intent”, of both you and your partner, before the first sexual act took place.

Let there be no confusion about what I am saying here. Irrefutably, you do create a sexual blood covenant, WHICH IS THE FORMATION OF A MARRIAGE, each and every time you have sex with someone. However, it is not a binding marriage AGREEMENT, unless marriage was your intent. In other words, your covenant exists, but is not honorable, legitimate or binding.

The core commitment never existed – when your initial intent was a moment of pleasure, as opposed to a life-time of serving.

So my final answer is this: Yes and No.

YES: Common law marriage (saying the term loosely because there was no such term or concept in ancient, biblical times) is acceptable before God, if marriage was the initial intent – with a full understanding that the sexual act would be the beginning of the commencement of that marriage. This basically means that two available (not currently married) people of the opposite sex, choose to come into agreement about a marriage covenant privately and without a public ceremony or court involvement. However such marriages would still be made publicly known.

NO: Shacking up in a sexually-based, non-committed relationship for years, and then just through the passing of time “ending up legally married” is not honorable before God. This covenant can and should be nullified and re-established the decent and orderly way, if you both agree and desire to have a legitimate, binding and blessed marriage covenant before God.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2012 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Experience TRUE Intimacy This Year!

It is the beginning of a New Year, a time that most of us take personal inventory of our lives. Part of that self-evaluation usually concerns our relationships. Maybe you are like many who experienced a lack of fulfillment in your relationships in this past year. Maybe you are so turned aside with relationships that your New Year’s resolution is to completely disassociate yourself from everyone! But wait! Before you pack your knapsack and find a nice dark, emotional cave to live out the rest of your days as a hermit, let’s consider a few things.

First of all, do you even know the meaning of intimacy? When I ask the question, “What is intimacy?” what is the first thing that comes to mind? By looking at a number of different definitions, I was able to conclude that intimacy can be comprehensively defined as: A loving, affectionate, close and familiar personal relationship; with detailed knowledge and deep understanding of another person; and furthermore expression toward that person serving as a token of the state of being intimate.

Notice that the definition of intimacy has nothing to do with sex. Perhaps the first clue to the lack of intimacy in your life is your misconstrued understanding of what it truly is, and how to apply it in your relationships. Intimacy is not something that you act out behind closed doors, in a candlelit room, on satin sheets. Intimacy is a nature that you have to walk in daily, with those whom you choose to share intimacy with. Intimacy is not something that you do – it is rather something that you are: intimacy is not an activity – it is a nature. Let’s look more closely at the words in the definition for intimacy.

Loving – as in “a sacrificial commitment toward a person’s betterment”. Love is a SERIOUS ACTION WORD with a defined series of what you need to do, and what you definitely should not do. Love is patient; it is kind; it does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud; it does not dishonor another; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs; it does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth; it always protects; always trusts; always hopes; and always perseveres.

Affectionate – as in “releasing warm energy toward a person”. Affection is the emotion that gives you that “gooey feeling” inside. Affection is a genuine warmth that you feel toward a person, on a heart level, that causes you to seek out ways to be near them and show expression. Affection is infectious!  Affection has a strong drawing power. It makes a person want to be near you.

Close – as in “being connected to someone on an emotional level”. Being close means being vulnerable. You cannot be close to someone and protect yourself from getting hurt at the same time. Closeness requires giving of your deeper self and receiving of another’s deeper self.

Familiar – as in “awareness of someone’s way of being, their habits and methods”. Familiarity requires a time investment. You have to consciously observe someone over an extended period of time, in a number of different scenarios, in order to become familiar with the person. Case in point, you cannot have sex with someone you just met in a bar and call that intimacy because developing intimacy takes time.

Knowledge – as in “processing on a conscious level your familiarity with a person”. After investing the time to become familiar with a person, intimacy requires you to make use of that familiarity through knowledge. If you know someone’s habits and methods, you should put forth effort to accommodate them in a useful way – help them in their weaknesses and accentuate the person’s strengths.

Deep Understanding – as in “the wisdom to combine all of the above elements into a comprehensive knowledge and conscious awareness of who a person truly is on the deepest level, at the core of their being”. This requires you to have an intricate knowledge of a person’s hopes, dreams, wounds, weaknesses, strengths, fears, struggles, desires and qualities – in essence, the inner workings of their heart.

Expression – as in “finding it easy and enjoyable to share physically and outwardly the love, affection, closeness, familiarity, knowledge and deep understanding of intimacy”. There are plenty of ways to express intimacy without sexuality being involved. The first and most powerful expression of intimacy that most people experience is in the delivery room on the day of their birth, when they receive their mother’s first kiss and stroke on the cheek. This should help you understand that sex and intimacy are not synonymous, and in many cases have nothing to do with each other.

By the above explanation, it may be painfully obvious to you now that you are not experiencing true intimacy in your relationships. Perhaps there is a “coldness” in your relationship with your spouse. Maybe you have dated a number of different people over the years and just have not been able to connect with anyone in a meaningful way. But how can you expect to have intimacy with someone you are dating, or a spouse, which you have known only a portion of your life, when you are not intimate with the parents you have known your entire life? How can you expect to experience intimacy with a girl or guy you met only months ago, when you have no intimacy with the parents that raised you or the children that you raised?

If there is no genuine intimacy in any of your relationships, then you must realize that the common denominator is YOU. You are the problem; not the person you are married to or dating! Intimacy should exist in every important relationship in your life and be expressed in non-sexual ways. Intimacy can be expressed through how you look at a person, the tone in your voice, or even in how you hand them a plate. It is expressed through gifts, words of honor, surprises and sacrifices. It can be expressed through hugs, kisses and gentle touches. These are the first and most important expressions of intimacy that can be shared with any and all of your loved ones.

And guess what… YOU CANNOT EXPERIENCE SEXUAL INTIMACY, IF YOU HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY! Sex should be reserved for and revered as the Ultimate Physical Expression of intimacy; not used to create intimacy, but instead to share intimacy that already exist. Instead of using sex to cover over a lack of true intimacy in your life; instead of trying to use sex to fill the painful void in your soul that exists because you are trying to protect yourself from getting hurt, by keeping people at a safe distance – learn how to create intimacy outside of sex this year!

Start in your relationship with God. Next, learn how to be truly intimate with yourself. Use the guidelines in this article to take on the nature of intimacy in your relationship with your parents, children, and close family members. Share your new intimate nature with your friends, co-workers and church family. It is not until you learn the nature of intimacy, that you will be able to enjoy the experience of the Ultimate Physical Expression of intimacy with a significant other. So become intimacy – be an overall intimate person, and experience true intimacy in all of your relationships in this New Year. Enjoy the enrichment that intimacy brings into your life. Then you will be able to enjoy rich meaningful connections, even if you are single!

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Ask Dr. Intimacy – Should I Leave My Cheating Husband?

This question was asked of me on the advice page. This is such a common issue and question that I am presented with that I thought I should address it as a general post.  It’s long, but it is well worth reading if you or someone you know is in a similar situation.

Dear Dr. Intimacy,

Where do I begin? After 30 plus years of marriage, living as a believer the entire time with a husband who lasted maybe two years early on in the marriage as a believer, I am needing sound biblical counsel. I have read your book and it was enlightening and very much on point within these areas of specifics. My husband has dealt in pornography, masturbation, adultery, and drug abuse most of the marriage. He has entered into a deep phase of porn, etc.

We now sleep in separate rooms. His room is like a pig sty. Whenever I step in there for anything, which is rare, I can feel darkness. Some years ago he was in an affair with another woman for several years. At that time I convinced myself to stay for the sake of our children. Once the kids were gone and grown I stayed due to lack of finances after a less than profitable business venture. Now it is simply not wanting to be homeless. The career I have pursued is challenging. I definitely feel a tug from God to become more available to Him, however I feel like I am tied.

Relationally there is only care and concern for my husband as a human being, erotic love has been a non- issue for quite a while now. There are too many diseases to be concerned with. And then the whole soul tie thing — I feel it’s all coming to a head in some way but I am not sure how. Just recently I had one dream where I felt terror and in my heart knew something terrible had happened to him. I asked Holy Spirit what did the dream mean (and He revealed it to me). In another dream after this one he (my husband) said that he was too far out there. He was screwing children, something he always frowned on others for doing. Now this dream really disturbed me. We have grands. This morning he called my cell phone by mistake thinking it was his drug dealer. I told him he needed to seek treatment and counseling and that he was going down hill.

He claims he wants to stop but his response was he does not feel like counseling will help him, that those places have a high failure rate. To me that is an excuse and he has not fallen deep enough. I feel more compelled to leave now than ever , should I? Voices of guilt are tyring to tell me that Jesus did not give up on me, and how can I spread the word to others when I can’t help the ones in my own house. Dr. Intimacy, he actually says he feels like building a closer relationship with me is the way to get him better. Well I have forgiven him for all of what has been done, but there is a large gulf fixed between us because our core beliefs are opposing. I told him if he sought help I would support him but I would not continue to watch him destroy him self.

I could go on but I won’t. You spoke on these issues in your book, what advice would you give somebody 50 something in this type of situation?

Seeking Answers

Dear Seeking Answers,

I have never taken quite so long to respond to anyone as I have you. Your post made my heart ache and even now my eyes are teary as I write this response to you. This is such a painful situation that you are in and I want you to know that I really prayed and took the time to seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance in responding to you. The following is what I believe the Holy Spirit is telling me to share with you.

You asked for Biblical advice so let me start with scripture. You said that your husband lived as a Believer in the earlier part of your marriage. Even though that was a long time ago, once someone has been introduced to The Savior, they cannot void out that experience in their spiritual account. This means that your husband is a backslider as opposed to an unbeliever. So I want to share with you what the Bible says in 1 Cor 5. Paul talks about how to deal with those in your intimate circle that are involved in sexual immorality. He says in verse 5:

You are to deliver this man over to satan for physical discipline [to destroy carnal lusts which prompted him to incest (sexual immorality)], that [his] spirit may [yet] be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.”

And then in verses 9-11 it says:

    “I wrote you in my [previous] letter not to associate [closely and habitually] with unchaste (impure) people–

    Not [meaning of course that you must] altogether shun the immoral people of this world, or the greedy graspers and cheats and thieves or idolaters, since otherwise you would need to get out of the world and human society altogether!

    But now I write to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of [Christian] brother if he is known to be guilty of immorality or greed, or is an idolater [whose soul is devoted to any object that usurps the place of God], (like your husband’s drug addiction) or is a person with a foul tongue [railing, abusing, reviling, slandering], or is a drunkard or a swindler or a robber. [No] you must not so much as eat with such a person. (AMP)”

Sister, although your situation is probably the most heartbreaking one that I have read here on the blog, it is not the first time that I have been presented with its kind. The common thread of emotion amongst those in your position is – GUILT. People take upon themselves the burden of  “saving” their wayward spouse. You specifically said that you feel guilty and I can tell you most assuredly that guilt does not come from God but instead comes from satan – even such seemingly “noble” guilt as yours. Guilt breeds condemnation and punishment and the Bible says that there is no condemnation for them that walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit (Rom 8:1).

Seeking Answers, in the book of Hebrews 6:4-6 the Bible tells us,

For it is impossible to bring back to repentance those who were once enlightened those who have experienced the good things of heaven and shared in the Holy Spirit,

 5 who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the power of the age to come

6 and who then turn away from God. It is impossible to bring such people back to repentance; by rejecting the Son of God, they themselves are nailing him to the cross once again and holding him up to public shame (NKJV).”

You see, it was never your responsibility to save your husband’s soul. For the Bible says that one man plants, another man waters but it is God who gives the increase (1 Cor 3:6-7). Jesus died for your husband’s salvation and Jesus alone can save anyone. We are not called to suffer for the salvation of others as Jesus has already suffered for us all in that sense. Once someone becomes a believer it is their own responsibility to grow in the things of God. The scripture above in Hebrews says that “it is impossible” to bring back to repentance one such as your husband. Does this mean that he or those like him can never repent or be restored? Of course not! For with God all things are possible. But it means that you (or any person) cannot bring such a one back to repentance. This is a work that has to be done directly by the hand of The Lord.

So what should we do when we have a person in our life that is no longer walking in the Light? We should do what Paul instructs us to do in the above scriptures in Corinthians my sister. We should deliver this man over to satan for physical discipline [to destroy carnal lusts which prompted him to (sexual immorality)], that [his] spirit may [yet] be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.” We should, “not associate (closely and habitually) with anyone (including a spouse) who bears the name of [Christian] brother if he is known to be guilty of immorality or greed, or is an idolater [whose soul is devoted to any object that usurps the place of God], or is a person with a foul tongue [railing, abusing, reviling, slandering], or is a drunkard or a swindler or a robber. [No] you must not so much as eat with such a person.”

Seeking Answers, you have a Biblical mandate to remove yourself from the situation that you are in and allow God to deal with your husband in His own way, while preserving your own righteousness and allowing yourself to grow in the Lord unhindered! Not only would it be a good thing to leave, but even more so than that, you are actually in disobedience if you stay! God was even kind enough to warn you in two (2 the number of confirmation) dreams the way things are soon to turn if your husband does not repent and return to the Lord. It is time that you GET OUT OF GOD’S WAY and give Him the liberty that He needs to save both your husband’s life and his soul. How will you feel if he dies? How will you feel if he rapes your grands or some other precious child? You’ve been warned by the Holy Spirit sister and you need to take heed.

I know these are hard sayings, and please don’t think that my heart doesn’t ache to write them to you, but I do believe that these are the Lord’s instructions to you and any man or woman in your situation. Jesus very rarely directly dealt with relationship issues or sexual sin during His ministry on earth, but even He took the time to let us know that in the case of adultery a divorce is often times warranted. This topic must assuredly be of great concern to The Kingdom of Heaven for Jesus to have mentioned it. Jesus’ ministry on earth was not so much about teaching people the specifics of how to live the daily Christian life. The Apostles dealt with those issues in the epistles of the Bible. Jesus’ assignment was to preach the general truths of Kingdom principles, therefore laying the foundation for The Body of Christ. Yet He took time to teach on divorce and adultery saying these things:

“Jesus said, “Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hard heartedness, but it is not part of God’s original plan. I’m holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife (or husband) and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery. (Mat 19:8, MSG)”

Does this mean that you are commanded to divorce your husband? No it does not. Jesus’ teachings on adultery were really pointing more toward God’s passionate hatred for divorce. Yet in that hatred for divorce, He did not want anyone to feel bound by Him to stay married to an adulterous spouse. Adultery is birthed out of the wickedness and lustfulness of a person’s heart (Mat 15:19and breaks the marriage covenant. Therefore anyone married to one that has committed adultery is released from that covenant with God’s blessing. But whether, you sister, divorce or not that is your choice. However, a legal separation is a mandate from God.

And in terms of supporting your husband in his supposed decision to get clean, the only support you should be offering him is to under gird him in prayer and to bless him with your mouth. You have given him 30+ years of support which he trampled under foot and wasted. If you were able to help him Sis, his deliverance would have been effectively accomplished and manifested a long time ago. There is nothing you can do to help your husband except getting out of his life and out of God’s way! If he is really ready for a change, God is more than capable of being all of the support and comfort your husband needs.

Lastly, in terms of your fear about leaving I simply say – TRUST GOD. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. (Prov 3:5-6, NKJV)” God shall supply all of your needs according to His riches in glory (Phil 4:19).  He took care of Hagar in the wilderness when Abraham sent her away (Gen 21:8-20). Surely He will take care of you. Don’t let doubt and unbelief be an excuse to stay in this situation. God will provide the means that you need to make a complete separation from your husband if you are really willing in your heart to be obedient. And by the way, did you know that the spirit of pornography brings on poverty? Your business will never succeed as long as you stay with this man. You think staying with him is a means of provision, but it is really a means of  poverty.

Sister, you said that God is calling you closer but you feel “tied”. If your right eye offends you cut it out (Mat 5:29). Seeking Answers, DON’T MAKE ANY EXCUSES for why you can’t get closer to God. I know that it’s hard, but if you are willing to make the sacrifice and stop saying “I can’t” but instead say “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13) you will grow in your walk with the Lord. You will never make it through this painful transition that you are about to go through without a close and intimate walk with God. And further more, in order to be able to really effectively pray for your husband and your children and grands (that they may be delivered from generational curses) you are going to need the Holy Spirit to rise up in you in a mighty way.

I pray you receive this Now Word for your situation and allow it to empower you to walk in a new season. My prayers are with you.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Christian Women and Adultery

I have observed a disturbing epidemic lately in the instances of devout Christian women committing adultery and divorcing their husbands. This is a very dear topic to me that affected me in a very personal way, and thus I am compelled to share the revelations that I received about this attack on Christian marriages. There are a number of these situations that have been brought to me, or that I have become aware of. What has been most disturbing to me about this is that the women who have fallen prey to these attacks seem like the most unlikely candidates. Not Gomer-type women, but instead the type of women that you read about in 1 Peter 3:1-2,

1In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, 2when they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him – to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and in the human sense to adore him; that is to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love and enjoy your husband]. (AMP)”

I prayed to God for insight in scripture about the spiritual wickedness behind this trend. And He led me to look at 1 Peter 3:7 and 1 Samuel 30:1-6. 7Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.(1 Pet 3:7 NKJV)” You see a woman who is fulfilling the mandate of 1 Peter 3:1-2 becomes dependent on her husband and that is what makes her the weaker vessel. This scripture is not referring to physical weakness. There is nothing in the context of this chapter that would suggest that. It certainly is not referring to the wife being spiritually weaker. That is made clear with the clause, “as being heirs together of the grace of life”: stated in the New Living Translation as, “but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.”

But if not physically weaker or spiritually weaker, then what is Peter teaching us here? He is teaching us that a woman becomes the weaker vessel emotionally, or “emotionally fragile” in order to fulfill her role as helpmeet. Therefore Peter, who was a married Apostle, exhorts Christian brothers to, “…live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation]… (1 Pet 3:7a AMP)” In other words, live in consideration of what she has to sacrifice emotionally to become that submissive, dependent, adaptable, quiet-spirited, obedient woman who blesses you as a helpmeet.

Now keeping all of that in mind, let’s look at 1 Samuel 30:1-6 (NIV), 1David and his men reached Ziklag on the third day. Now the Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They had attacked Ziklag and burned it, 2and had taken captive the women and everyone else in it, both young and old. They killed none of them, but carried them off as they they went on their way. 3 When David and his men reached Ziklag,   they went on their way.3When David and his men reached Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. 4So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep. 5David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. 6David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God.”

Reading this text is where my understanding came together: the women were left unprotected and taken captive by an enemy! God said that this is what is happening in many Christian homes. The woman in 1 Peter that strives to be that perfect submissive wife, leaves herself vulnerable by willingly becoming the weaker vessel. There are certain attacks that she is simply not strong enough to protect herself from because she has willingly become dependent on her husband.

During times of war in those days, when a woman was taken captive she was forced to marry one of her captors or forced into prostitution. In other words, in her captivity she became an adulteress. It was not a choice that she made or a path that she chose for herself. But the enemy got a hold of these women that were left uncovered and unprotected by their husbands and thus the enemy, “carried them off as they went on their way.”

The wives of today that are being affected by this same enemy spirit that you see operative in 1 Samuel 30 – this spirit that is assigned to steal the wives and children of the soldiers of the Kingdom – are being carried away too! The way of being for these loving wives is to serve the Lord and their husbands. But once your enemies take you captive, they take you their way as the scripture says! In captivity to satan’s attacks, these woman become what they do not want to be and do what they do not want to do.

Christian men – Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors and Teachers especially – beware! This spirit wants to steal your family. And guess what? Only a woman who is emotionally neglected can fall prey to such an attack. Look at verse 6 again, “…for the men spoke of stoning him because the souls of them all were bitterly grieved, each man for his sons and daughters.” You see, no mention was made of these men grieving over their wives. They did not honor their wives. They only cared for what the women could add to them, but cared not for the women themselves. Yet understand that if you fail to dwell together in understanding with your wife; honoring her as the woman who voluntarily made herself weak for the sake of loving and respecting you; thereby allowing the enemy to steal her – you will lose not only her, but all that she gave birth to in your life as well.

Most of the time, a woman taken captive in war is never seen or heard of again. She becomes someone else’s wife. And though taken captive against her will, because she has the heart of a true wife, she will serve and honor her new husband (the scripture calls the husband master in 1 Pet 3:6 [AMP]) just as she did you. And yes, the Lord will bless her because she was a victim of circumstance. Fortunately in this text, David honors his wives and is determined to pursue the enemy and reclaim his them. Because of his love for his wives, his prayers are not hindered. The Lord answers his prayer and all of the women and children are recovered.

Men if you have found yourself in a similar scenario, pursue your wife immediately before the enemy carries her out of your reach. If your marriage has not been affected by this, do not allow it to be. Love, honor, cherish and desire your wife above all. If your wife is long gone and has become the wife of another or her heart is beyond your reach, forgive her and yourself. Examine how the enemy got in and stole your family. Cover her in prayer regardless of the outcome, and move forward with the revelation knowledge of what it will take to be successfully married in the future – if you so choose to marry. Even if you do not marry again, you can help other brothers protect their families.

I did a powerful teaching on this on my YouTube Channel. You can find it here if you have not already seen it. Be sure to watch parts 1 and 2 of the teaching. 

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Understanding Intimacy Part 4: Naked and Not Ashamed

Continuing the series on Understanding Intimacy we come to part 4 today, the third lesson that we learn about our worship through sexual intimacy. This is the most powerful of the four lessons for me. Understanding this revelation changed my relationship with God forever and changed my entire perspective on intimacy and what a relationship between a husband and wife should be like. If you are planning to marry, the quality of relationship described in this post is what you should be looking for in your mate. If it’s not there, work to get it or call it off! To find all post in this series visit The Understanding Intimacy Series – All Post.

The Intimacy of Worship in Spirit

The third lesson that we learn through human sexual relations is about the intimacy of worshiping God. A man and woman who are truly in love enjoy the act of sexual intimacy immensely. They consent that their bodies belong to one another (1 Cor 7:4) and they use every part of those bodies and all five of their senses to express their love and desire. They touch, smell, taste, hear and see their lover during sexual intimacy. Not out of a lustful desire, but instead out of their love for one another, they are easily aroused sexually. Unashamed, they embrace in nakedness to explore one another in body, soul and spirit.

Through intercourse two lovers become one in all three realms, as they completely give themselves over to each other. Likewise, God wants to own us and wants us to give Him ALL of ourselves in worship. He wants us to be easily aroused – ready to worship Him at any moment. He does not want us to come to Him ashamed and covered, but instead He wants us in spiritual nakedness to allow Him to freely explore and touch every part of our spirits. He desires to freely and fully give Himself to us as well. He wants to reveal Himself to us. He desires oneness with us His creation, but we have to be willing to embrace Him. Who really enjoys sexual intimacy when their partner is resisting them?

For scriptural proof that the intimacy of worship is essential to God’s heart we can look at John 4:23, “… true worshipers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship Him.” How important must worship be if the God who is sovereign and owns everything is actually seeking true worshipers? Wow! To worship God in spirit means to give Him everything in you as you worship Him not from the head, or even from the flesh, but from your heart.

In the natural there is a difference between “making love” and merely “having sex”. Having sex is a pleasurable physical experience but is empty of heart and soul. When a couple that is in love has sex, they do it with their entire beings. It is not just a physical act, but instead is the Ultimate Physical Expression of a deep abiding love that comes from the heart.  True worshipers are those that worship The Lord in spirit, in the same way a husband and wife who are truly in love share sexual intimacy in the natural. We worship with our hearts and not just our bodies.

To worship Yahweh in truth means to come humbly but boldly to Him, in the sincerity of all that you are; knowing that He will accept you because of the great love shared between you and Him. Have you ever wondered how a very attractive woman ends up with a “hard on the eyes” man? Her love covers all of his faults; in her eyes he is beautiful just as he is. This is the revelation of Adam and Eve being before the Lord “naked and not ashamed”. A loving couple has no problem standing completely nude before one another even in bright, revealing lights, regardless of the condition of their bodies.

Can you imagine the shock of a man thinking that a woman has naturally long hair and then during sex he accidentally pulls off her wig? (Laugh). It sounds funny I know, but this is how we usually present ourselves to God. Of course, He is not shocked when our “wigs come off”; He is just disappointed that we thought we needed them. When a woman knows that she is truly loved, she doesn’t have to go to bed with make-up on, or wear wigs and fancy sex outfits to try to present an image that she thinks is more acceptable than the truth of who she is! This is how God wants us to come to Him, in truth, allowing His love to cover all of our faults. We are beautiful in His eyes just the way we are. To find this kind of worship is rare, and that is why Yahweh is actually seeking those that will worship Him this way. Worshipers of this kind are actually restoring back to Him what He lost in the garden at the fall, vessels that will stand before Him naked and unashamed – allowing Him to enjoy the perfect design that He created you with – not marring your beauty with fig leaves – which are nothing more than dead trees.

You show me a couple that lacks sexual intimacy in their relationship, and I will show you a couple that is disconnected, does not know each other well soulfully or as friends, does not enjoy spending time with one another and misrepresents one another in the presence of others. It is the exact same way for believers that do not worship God intimately. Given that we are His vessels and representation here on earth, you can understand how crucial it is that we stay connected to Him through worship. We have to stay connected to The Vine!

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Non-Sexual Adultery

What is adultery actually? Well the literal definition according to most English dictionaries is to have sex with someone other than your spouse when you are married. We don’t need to expound upon that definition too much, as it is pretty apparent exactly what that means. The only insight that I would add to this literal definition is that sexual contact, even when it does not include full penetration, is unequivocally adultery!

I can remember this one couple that I encountered. The guy was accused of adultery, but he and the other woman in question disagreed on whether or not they had actually had sex.  She said that they did have sex, but he said that they didn’t. He concluded that even though they were both but naked in bed together, kissing, humping and climaxing – it didn’t count because he only ‘peeked his head in’ without fully penetrating her. OK I’m sorry for that graphic description, but the ludicrous guise of deception that people are under sometimes is just astonishing to me. We had to spend months worth of counseling just to establish whether or not sex had actually occurred between he and his mistress, before we could move on to any real deliverance sessions! I am not usually this descriptive and won’t be often,  nor do I invite comments of such nature. Everyone once in a while it is just necessary to get really raw though, because someone reading this was offended at the guy I just described… until they remembered when they did the same thing! So let’s just be honest with ourselves my brothers and sisters, so that real deliverance can occur in our lives without delay.

But anyway, back to my topic. Outside of the obvious literal meaning of adultery, there are other ways that adultery can manifest itself in one’s marriage.

If you are married, pornography would definitely fall under the umbrella of adultery for you. Through pornography you are creating a sexual connection with another person. People watch pornography because it is sexually stimulating. As a married person, you should only be receiving sexual stimulation from your own husband or wife. That is why Yeshua states in Matthew 5:27-28, “27You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Pornography is commonly accompanied by masturbation and on-going sexual fantasy. Long after the video is no longer being viewed, you are repeatedly committing adultery in your heart and mind.

 There is also the most subtle form of adultery that has as of lately claimed more formerly faithful wives than you might imagine. This form that I am talking about is commonly referred to as emotional adultery. This happens when you develop and nurture strong feelings of attraction, love or friendship with someone other than your spouse. A frequent doorway for this type of adultery to enter into one’s marriage is through the forging of an internet relationship, which often times at the onset seems like such an innocent and safe way to make an emotional connection with someone. It also frequently occurs in close working relationships, between close family friends and with spiritual leaders or mentors as well. Really, any ongoing communication between two people can lead to this type of adultery if not carefully monitored.

For the broadest understanding of what adultery is – always remembering that we are to consider first the motive of the heart before we consider anything else – it is anyone or anything that you become intimate with. Yes, I said anyTHING too! Marriage is a sacred covenant that you enter into with the promise to love, honor and cherish above all else. Furthermore, don’t forget that marriage is designed to be the symbol of our relationship with The Creator. Just as NO one or NO thing should ever come before God in your life – aside from your intimate, personal relationship with Him – NO one or NO thing should ever come before your spouse.

You should not have a closer friend; you should have no secrets; you should have no greater love; no greater intimacy; no greater oneness; no greater loyalty, commitment or connection of any kind; than that which you have with your spouse. This includes people – especially your family and even your children. This includes places – such as your job and even more especially the church. And this includes things – such as sports, hobbies and even ministry pursuits! Don’t get an intimate relationship with God confused with public ministry. Your intimate relationship with God should always come before your relationship with your spouse – your public ministry never should!

Any bond or intimacy that you create with anyone or anything that takes away from the esteemed first place of honor that should be reserved and dedicated to your spouse alone, is a betrayal and a violation of your sacred marriage covenant. Let me put this disclaimer out there: I am not endorsing the use of this revelation to offset a free-fall of divorces on the grounds of “non-sexual adultery”. However, I believe that the absence of this understanding is destroying more marriages than any other weapon in this present day. The spirit of adultery is present in more marriages than we can possibly conceive. Surely, when the spirit is present and prevalent in subtle, non-sexual manifestations of adultery – it is likely that sexual adultery will follow. That is why it is so important that you grasp this broader understanding of what adultery really is.

How do you feel about what I shared in this article? Have you been a victim of non-sexual adultery or maybe a committer of such or is this absolute gibberish to you? Let me know your thoughts.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

Understanding Intimacy Part 2: What We Learn About Worship Through Sex

I am continuing my series on understanding intimacy. If you have not read part 1 of the series, please read it before reading this article. We ended part 1 with the revelation that there are 4 lessons that God wants to teach us through the sexual intimacy of a husband and wife, according to His perfect design for sex. The next four posts in this series, beginning with this one, will reveal what these four lessons are. To find all post in this series visit The Understanding Intimacy Series – All Post.

Lesson 1: Worship only one God – the True and Living God

The first and I believe the most important purpose of sexual intimacy is to help us understand that we are to worship only one God – the True and Living God that created us. We learn in the scriptures above that just as a married person is to have sex only with their one spouse, we are to worship only our one Lord. God implemented sexual intimacy as an act to be performed between one man and one woman only. This is obvious because He took only one rib from Adam’s body to create only one woman (Gen 2:21-22). There was no other man on earth that Adam had to share his wife with!

Every other activity that spouses do together can be done with someone else as well. Sex is the only act that a spouse cannot do (lawfully in the sight of the True God) with any other human being. Understanding that sexual intimacy is equivalent to worship, we can easily see that this is true in our relationship with God as well. We can interact with others in many of the same ways in which we interact with God. We talk to God – we can talk to people; we seek God – we can seek things; we praise God – we can praise accomplishments; we desire God – and we can desire people too.

Performing any of these acts toward people or other pursuits is perfectly lawful in God’s sight. Worship is the one thing that The Lord tells us we are to do to Him and Him alone, as is stated in Exodus 34:14, “You must worship no other gods, but only The Lord, for he is a God who is passionate about his relationship with you.” So you can see how sexual intimacy between husband and wife in the natural is symbolic of spiritual intimacy (worship) between God and humanity in the spirit. Just think of how jealous and hurt a man or woman is when they know that their spouse has been unfaithful to them. Our Lord feels the same way when we worship any other god (a god can be an object, person, pursuit or activity) beside Him.

I will post lesson number two in the next article on this series. And remember, you can read the full revelation on this topic in my book, “The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook.” which can be found on

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.