When a Spouse Cheats, Is the Other Spouse to Blame?

I received a post today from a lady that said, “I by no means was the wife that I was supposed to be but I still to this day don’t believe that I deserved to be cheated on.” That causes me to pose a question: When a husband or wife cheats, is the other spouse to blame? Are they to blame completely in some cases? Only to some degree in some cases? Or never in any case? I don’t know of any place I can go in scripture off-hand to support an opinion to one extent or the other but I do know this, marriage is a partnership and cheating doesn’t  “just happen”.

Now as far as the word “blame” goes, that is a trick question that I asked because I don’t believe that either spouse is to “blame”. Blame is irrelevant in the case of adultery. When infidelity takes place, angry accusations and blame only veil the underlying causes. The act of adultery is not nearly as relevant as the factors that led to it. Establishing who should carry the blame will not bring healing. Discovering how the door for infidelity was opened in the marriage can give the insight needed to repair the marriage and “adultery proof” it for the future.

This has been a “hot-button” issue, especially for women that  have been on the receiving end of adulterous affairs. But I often see a lot of deflection in the angry comments of scorned women. I had been in more affairs than I care to mention and although I am remorseful I went down that road in the past, I am grateful for the insights I gained. Where cheating is concerned, I find that both cheating husbands and cheating wives have told strikingly similar stories about the circumstances that existed in the  home before the affair occurred. Based on what I understand about the sacrifice marriage requires, my counseling sessions and the failures of my own past: my position is that both spouses are responsible for the infidelity no matter which spouse it is that actually does the deed.

Let me know what you think about this and reference scriptures or experiences that you are familiar with if you can.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

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