4. Ask Dr. Intimacy

Do you have a personal issue that you want insight on or a very specific question that you need answered? This is the place to post it.  I will get back to you in a timely manner as best as I can. Feel free to email me if you don’t receive a response, but please post it here first before emailing me. Your letter may be featured on my YouTube channel as a feature on my “Insights From Dr. Intimacy” YouTube show. If it is, I will let you know so be sure to sign up for email alerts for new comments and posts. Below is a letter that I received. This is an example of the type of letter you can write and the type of response you will receive. If your issue requires a detailed response, I am likely to post both the letter and my response on the main page as a feature article. Thanks again for allowing me to share my gift.


Dear Dr. Intimacy,

I am struggling sexually in my mind. When I was about 5 or 6, my babysitters’ cousin began touching on my private area. So as to make me a little less uneasy while he did it, he’d turn on cartoons for me to watch. I had suppressed these memories along with many others until about 5 years ago. I am now married with children. I suddenly found myself remembering what was done to me as a child. I began looking at adult anime online. I became so addicted to it.

I struggled/am struggling to let that go and send it straight back to the depths of hell. On top of that, I recently started masturbating. I never found myself so attractive to the point where I’d actually touch myself, but here lately, I do it more than I should. I don’t want these lingering demons to transfer to my children. I want to stop. I pray against it all the time. I stay away from the computer except to check email or chat with friends and family. People who know me (or think they do) would never imagine me having these issues or struggles. God has been so gracious enough to keep me covered and my mess out of the light of day.

Also, to add insult and injury to devastation, I’ve been having dreams about a dear friend of mine. A friend who’s married and has his own kids. These dreams leave me wondering if I am married to the wrong person. I love my husband and children with all my heart and soul. It just seems that everything I’m not getting out of my marriage…like a listening ear, my friend has shown up and given me all over again. He’s unhappy in his situation, and cares a great deal about me. He never proposed adultery or anything, but did say he has loved me a long time. My mind just feels like this huge battleground. I think about my mess so much sometimes, I get a headache from it. I want to be truly happy and content with the life God gave me and leave my past where it is and move forward. I just find it so difficult to do so. Where should I begin?

Depressed & Confused

Dear Depressed and Confused,

First let me say that I thank you for reaching out to me and I am so sorry for how you were violated as a child. Such wounds run deep, especially when you don’t know of the abuse until your adulthood, such as in your case. Even though the violation happened many years ago, for you it is still a fresh wound because you only became aware of it recently.

Your emotional response to cope by indulging in anime is an attempt on your part to normalize your experience. It is sometimes so much easier to try to justify someone violating you than it is to truly accept the violation and the subsequent anger and pain that you will feel as a result.

Now the addiction to anime, or an addiction to anything for that matter, would surely perpetuate the desire for masturbation since at the root of the activity, you are trying to gain control of your life. You are trying to control your emotions and for a brief moment masturbation makes you feel very much in control of yourself. It makes you feel strong and desirable, until… it is over with of course. Then you crash.

The attraction to your neighbor falls in line with wanting to be rescued from the chaos that your life seems to have become. It is so much easier to magnify his good qualities instead of face the challenge of working on issues in your home. You are just so stretched right now, mentally, emotionally, spiritually… you feel like you don’t have anything else to give. Toying with the idea of adultery gives you the pleasure of relief from it all for a short time. I am sharing these things with you because if you understand what you are doing, you have a better chance of overcoming the behavior. I understand Sis, I’ve been there.

  • 1) Cease all communication with your neighbor IMMEDIATELY. You play with fire and you will get burned. Falling into adultery is not going to help you or him!!!
  • 2) You really need to work through your feelings with a counselor. What happened to you was devastating and even though it happened a long time ago, you have every right to still be hurt over it. But, you need to get healed.
  • 3) You need to be very open with your husband about what you are struggling with. As much as you think he can handle, you need to tell him.
  • 4) You need to saturate your life with any and everything that will build you up spiritually – Christian TV, Reading or listening to the Bible, on-line Christian communities, prayer groups, etc… Building up your spirit man will empower you to overcome the weakness of your flesh.
  • 5) Lastly for now, getting some resource materials to help you understand what you are going through is a MUST! We perish for lack of knowledge. Empower yourself with understanding of how the devil is fighting you and how you can fight back successfully. I have some great resources on the product page and I am sure you can find some other resources on-line.

In the Power of Love,

 Dr. Intimacy

 Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body


Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

70 thoughts on “4. Ask Dr. Intimacy

  1. Lost says:

    Dear Dr. Intimacy,

    I hope you can help me. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years. There have been problems where he has wanted to be with other women in the past and he was with another woman sexually while we where seperated one time. I found out about this after we got back together. He did lie about it at first but when I showed him the evidence I found he confessed. Since I found out and he confessed he is acting very remorseful. I want to believe him, that he wants to change,but I am scared considering how he has hurt me in the past after saying he was going to change. I also am not sure I am supposed to leave him. I’ve actually been away from the Lord myself for awhile now but wouldn’t God want me to try to help save him? He isn’t a Christian. I really haven’t tried to. I keep asking God for a sign of what I am supposed to do. I really do love this man and I believe he loves me. Do I just give up? Am I being selfish if I just leave and don’t try to help him come to the Lord first? Is there ANYTHING I can do to help him? To help myself? I don’t know what to do! please help! Thank you in advance, Lost

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Dear Lost,
      I posted an article on the main page for you entitled “Should I End This Relationship.” I think it will help you alot. Let me know how it works out.

      • Lost says:

        Minister Laneen,

        Just an update…my (ex) boyfriend and I are no longer dating though we do remain close friends, see each other on occasion and speak often. I’ve explained to him the following…I’ve realized that I have been trying to do things my own way instead of being patient and waiting for God’s way. My mistake. I’ve decided that the best thing for me to do is to focus on Jesus, on building my relationship with him, forgiving myself, and not trying to find another man to date. I feel as though the deep love,understanding and forgiveness I desire cannot be given to me by anyone but Him. Once I feel secure in my relationship with God and He with me, then and only then will I consider dating again. And when and or if I do date again I will only date a saved, born again, man of God. There are times when I am sad because I do love my ex and do want to be with him and miss him but I also realize that we can’t be together the way we have been(selfish,in bondage & not putting God first, etc.), my sadness is normal and that as my relationship with Jesus grows my sadness will fade and prehaps also the friendship with my ex. For now I will continue seeking a closer, more intimate relationship with my Lord, sowing the seeds He provides me, trying to be a good example, attending services and I know no matter what happens, I’ll be ok, my life…it will all work out. I’m doing the best I can. Oh…and I just started reading your book and will be sure to let you know how things are going. Thank you! Lost

  2. Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything like this before. So nice to find somebody with some original thoughts on this subject. realy thank you for starting this up. this website is something that is needed on the web, someone with a little originality. Great job for bringing something new to the internet!

  3. Pierre says:


    Interresting post here may come back soon
    continue updating your blog

  4. Naomi says:

    I’ve posted a comment in another area on your website because I am so delighted to find discussion on this topic. I’ve never had a sexually satisfying connection with a man during the times when I was married or in sinful relationships, but now that I’m older (almost 50) and care more about myself (because I had to realize God loves me just as I am), I feel more comfortable with the idea of intimacy – if it is in God’s plan for me to marry again. I’m grateful that I didn’t become connected to a man sexually, but the sin itself, the fact that I gave them ME, made me miserable, pliable and willing to take whatever they dished out. In the Bible, Paul talks about singleness and how it’s a good thing. He also talks about marriage if you don’t feel like singleness is in your heart and the “burning” that may occur with desires. So, if you have those “feelings” and you’re not married, how to control them? How do you tame the urge to masturbate? Is masturbation a sin? I’ve read Christian material that states it may be. A Christian woman I know says she often has urges and satisfies them by sleeping with a man she’s familiar with….and justifies her actions by how she was created. I don’t like tussling with topic. It seems like there is a right and a wrong. And I just want to do what is right.

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Wow very powerful testimony and questions Naomi. I have some powerful informatoin on masturbation. I just created this blog about a week ago and still have not put all of my articles on it. I will make sure that the next one I post is about masturbation. I will ave it up today. Thanks so much for your comments. How did you hear about the blog?

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      As promised the article on masturbation is now on the main page. For really detailed information on it you should get my book, “The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook”. I am going to see about putting some preaching snippets on here too. I have done a lot of teaching on masturbation when I preach. One of the most prevalent issues in the church for sure!

  5. Pastor Tommy Todd says:

    Its great to see you walking in purpose again. I will continue, as I have always done, to pray for Gods protection over you and your family.

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Your support, as always, is greatly appreciated Pastor Todd. I never abandoned my purpose. I have been in hot pursuit of it always. I just needed to spend some time behind the curtain in that making place where new direction is birthed. Divorce is often perceived as a personal failure, and I was no exception. You have to get over your mistakes and realize that it’s not about you. When you can use your trial to help someone else, suddenly the burden is eased. It’s just a process of learning how to convert pain into purpose… but I think I’m a pro at that by now, LOL! 🙂 Love you.

    • I don’t know you OR this pastor fellow mentioned here…but, I just wanted to say, this man is CLEARLY threatened by your mission, zeal for the Lord, and, above all, CALL from God. I mean, the way he says (ESPECIALLY being on a public forum!), “walking in purpose–again”–as if to say you had “lost” or had “no purpose” for a while. How ARROGANT a statement. I see through this kind of phony-baloney, inflated self-righteous PHARISEE SPEAK a mile away! I do not know you, ma’am, but YOUR ADVICE AND WEBSITE IS PHENOMENAL–I encourage you to rebuke this snake of a preacher and ignore the wolf in sheep’s clothing that he is. Peace be with you, Erica Chapman

  6. Tanya Price says:

    Hello Dr. Intimacy and am so so glad I found your many websites! I ordered your book Spirits of Perversion Handbook. I need to get into this teaching as soon as possible, if you can help me get my book. Thank you so much

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Thanks Tanya! the book is pre-production right now as is stated on the website. You will have it soon. If you want something sooner, order “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons”. That one is available now so you can read it while you wait on the other one to come! You will love them both. 🙂

  7. e.o. says:

    hi, i need to ask u some questions, can u send me your email. Thank you

  8. khandy says:

    Dear Minister Laneen,
    I respect your sincerity in the work you are dedicating yourself to in the name of God. What I’m wondering about, though, is how the Bible could be our perfect guide for Christian sexuality. After all, the story of Lot and his daughters teaches that incest is acceptable – God did not punish Lot for the incest he commited with his two daughters. How does this fit into your philosophy?

  9. Wake up says:

    Dr. Intimacy –You are truly an inspiration to us all.

  10. Matthew says:

    What does the bible say about divorce and reamrriage?

  11. Maria Vereen says:

    Hello you just did a conference at my church Household of faith
    take the x out of sex. I want to say thank you for your boldness and your realness if the world had more people like you what a wonderful world this would be. I was not going to come when I first saw the flyer because I siad I do not have a problem with sex but I am glad I came you bless me so teaching about the intimacy and worship I am married 12 yrs yesterday but currently separated and this sexual perversion has destroyed it but I purchased and book for him and told him to read it and I guarantee you it will be a blessing. Woman of God I am going to continue to lift you up in prayer and fasting and you continue to do the will of God no matter what people do or say.

    love always

    your sister in christ
    maria vereen

  12. Brittany Eady says:

    Hi, my name is Brittany. I attended your conference, you signed my book and said that I was pulling from you the whole time. I tell you I never heard anyone preach about sex and its demons like that. This was the fasted I read a christian book(STD’s) since I have been saved, and its been years. LOOOONNNGG years…..Well, I have learned so much from you.

    I will be investing in some more of your material.

    Be Blessed!

  13. Nadira Bryant says:

    Hi Dr. Intimacy,

    I can’t explain to you how much you have blessed me. I have been divorced for 3 years now because my ex-husband was unfaithful and abusive for 15 years. I have had to overcome a lot. When you came to our church Household of Faith back in June You have changed my life. Oh I can’t tell you how much I praise God for you. I have not only learned some of what my ex-husband may have faced but I also learned somethings about myself. The scripture you ministered on has been in my head since the conference. God sent you to make the crooked way straight so that the glory of the Lord can be revealed…I understand now and because of you I have been able to understand why I had to make sure that I don’t allow the spirits of sexual perversion to overtake me so that God’s glory can be revealed in ME!!!!!!!!!

    With the help of God I have started a magazine called “Inner Beauty Magazine”its a testimonial magazine of women telling all they went through and much much more! I really would like for you to look at my myspace and check it out. I am looking for writers to contribute to my magazine and I immediately thought about you. Will you pray about becoming a writer for my magazine and let me know?

    Thanks a Lot for the impartation
    May God Bless you in all you do…..

    Serving those who serve him
    Nadira Bryant
    (Praise Dancer HOFC)

  14. Matthew says:

    hi, i’m back. I missed looking at these blogs

  15. Barbara says:

    My beautiful-in-the-lord sister, thank you for your real-ness and your courage in what you are allowing the father to do thru you. May his voice be heard and echoed and magnified thru you and may many hearts, minds, souls be changed and filled with hope and truth.

    Blessed by your testimony.

  16. shadowlands1501 says:

    Dear Laneen,
    Trying to get in contact with you. Sent you a letter through Heart of Compassion Ministries. I hope that reaches you. I want to thank you for your love and support as I walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death with Dan.

    I am sharing your books with a family and I need your wisdom regarding an issue that I don’t feel free to share here at this time. I am working as a pediatric home health nurse. Of course, my job is not nursing but it is praying and hold up the Name of the Living Lord Jesus. My ministry is my living.

    There are many issues in this spirit filled family that centers on perversity and they are blinded.. If you are able, please contact me through the info I included in my letter to you.

    My heart is full as I listen to your CD that came in the Spirtual Famine book. Thank you for the honor of writing the forward to this wonderful book. I am sure God is healing and preparing hearts to walk out of that dusty desert called Spiritual Famine.

    Again, I hope you have a few minutes for me, my sister.

    Your sister in Christ
    Naomi Findley-Russell

  17. Seeking His Face says:

    I was introduced to this site by a fellow female pastor in whom God lead me to confide in for help in my deliverance. I experienced a dream in where I was trying to “deliver” my own demons and as I cried out to Jesus, the demons would muffle my mouth. In the dream I could feel my face and body being twisted into a pretzel-like state. I woke up screaming Jesus!!! I have never experienced pain like that in the natural before and if hell is a replica of what I encountered I am more determined now to completely surrended every area of my life to Christ!

    I began masturbating at the age of 16 after sneaking and watching porno and seeing a woman stimulate herself. I tried it and expereinced my first orgasm…alone..or so I thought. I had no knowledge and would find myself in school having strong urges and would hide in the bathroom to get my release or rush home from school and do it. This demon has followed me into my adult years and has caused me to commit adultery on my husband as I found myself searching for that quick fix. These demons drove me to this thinking that another man could fulfill my desires but when I did sleep with the other man I was left empty and found myself masturbating to get the satisfaction I was searching for. The enemy has used this powerful tool against me to destroy my marriage and it almost worked.

    My husband and I worked out our problems and are on the road to recovery as he too committed adultery on me as well but for other reasons that manifested in his life as a youth. Instead of succombing to masturbation after being molested as a young boy by a grown woman he was drawn to older women for his sexual desires.

    Anyway, I am at the point that I have researched and learned enough to know that it is not okay to indulge in this behavior regardless of how strong the urge may be. I am ready to totally surrender it all to Jesus and let His Holy spirit dwell in me.
    Please pray as I pray as well that I completely overcome these demons once and for all and that God takes me to my next level in him.

    P.S. Dr. Intimacy I am interested in how someone can get in contact with you to schedule you for a conference. You have so much to share to people as a whole that you would be a blessing to our ministry to come and speak.

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Thanks so much for sharing this awesome testimonial Seeking His Face. You have made some wonderful progress but it sounds like you are your husband certainly need some counseling. This is not something that the two of you should try to make it through alone. So many couples think that they earn credit for “staying together” after infidelity. But God is not impressed with the mere fact that you stay together. He is pleased when you truly learn to enjoy becoming one. The quality of marriage is often completely destroyed after infidelity and many couples stay together just going through the motions with no oneness or joy whatsoever. This brings God no glory and such a couple, if not willing or able to recapture the marital honor and glory, are better off divorced. You two should read The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Handbook together. That will be a good start and be sure that you each have your own copy. Congrats on getting enlightened on masturbation though. That is a huge step.

      As far as ministering at your church, you can inbox me on that at drintimacy@drintimacy.com

  18. juacarper01 says:

    I am the girl who wrote on your youtube account but you directed me here.
    I am so exited, hopeful, to change my life, up until yesterday, I was doubting God, his existence, I did not care to read the bible, etc, etc, but for some awkward reason, I started feeling this necessity to change my life back to him, prior I used to be in the ministry. I am a back sliding Christian, who became lets say agnostic,
    Anyhow, I have considered myself to be a normal girl, I am 28, never have had a boyfriend, I am still a virgin, but ever since I was small I masturbated, but when I was small I just did it because it felt good, I really did not know what I was doing, but I knew it was wrong, why I do not know.
    At age 26, I became so anxious because I´ve never had a boyfriend because my mom did not allow me to have one, that I started feeling I was going to die never knowing what was intimate contact, that I let my self be kissed for the 1st time at 26 years old but by my cousin and married, and I do not believe in getting involved with married people, but since he is my cousin, I know him since I was small, I felt it was safe to kiss him, because my mom would never find out, that just happened 2 times, because I felt so bad, and I cried, BUT IT WAS NOT WORTH IT, BECAUSE BELIEVE IT OR NO, I FELT NOTHING, JUST BECAUSE I WAS KISSING THAT I KNEW I WAS, BUT I DID NOT FEEL ONE SINGLE THING, NOTHING.
    Well, I do masturbate, but I just rub my self, because to be honest I wouldn’t know where to stick my finger, up until I was 25 I knew women have a clitoris, so I have just rubbed my private part, but never stucked anything in, because I just wouldn’t know where,
    At 26, I also let a guy 3 times touch my breast, and that was it, out of my desperation to feel what is like for a man to touch you, because I just starting feeling God was going to come and I would never know what is like, because I have not had a boyfriend. Since, I am the type that I do not believe in friends with privileges,
    But now, I wonder if my un successful life is due to this kind of sin. I´ve never thought about that, but after watching the masturbation video you posted I got to thinking ever since I graduated in 2007 with my Bachelor, I have not found a job so, is doing something un godly, when you know its not right, yet you do it, does that make you a failure going against God, because I have been without a job despite the numerous applications since 2007, zero income, zero money, thank God for my father and mother, other wise I do not know what would be of me, and does that also cause you health problems.

  19. Blessed says:

    Well my marriage has gone from bad to worst! my husband and i are not intimate at all. He doesn’t want to have any intercourse with me at all. He always make a whole lot of excuses as to why he cant have sex with me. And this is a great battle for me, im 28yrs old and i do get aroused often. When my husband and i do have sex, he doesn’t even look at me we don’t kiss, its quick and i feel dirty after its done. I am praying that God gives me the strength to stay strong in God, so that i don’t commit adultery. this thing makes me cry almost every night, he makes me feel so worthless and ugly. When i walk out side my house i get all kinds of attention from men, but not from my own husband. I’m considering divorce because this is too much for me & my husband has blatantly said that he is tired of me and he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I am so desperate and im on my last rope. Please pray for me and give me your advise/take on this matter.

    Thanks & God Bless

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      I love you sis. Answer is forthcoming after the holiday. I have to be a blessing to my family for Thanksgiving but I am praying for you and will give you insight. I have also posted some new videos on my YouTube channel that will give you insight until I can give you a specific answer. Bless you! http://www.youtube.com/user/DrIntimacy?feature=mhee (youtube link)

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Dear Blessed,

      I just posted an article on the main page of the blog that I think will help you a lot. I know it took some time but I really needed to get a Biblical answer for women in this situation. You are not the only one. The article is entitled, “Ask Dr. Intimacy – Should I leave my cheating husband? Please read it and comment. God bless

  20. Dr. Intimacy says:

    Hey Sis!

    I just wanted to send you a quick note and let you know that I did not forget about you. I got your letters and I am excited about responding. I just behind on things being out of town this weekend and I had another blogger that was waiting for an answer first. I will write you an answer soon. Keep pressing in and know that I love you. 🙂

    • juacarper01 says:

      Wow!!! thank you so much for your interest in helping me. I will continue waiting I know it will be worth it. I re read what I wrote, I just want to clarify that although I have desires for women, but not all women provoke that in me. I have not ever acted upon those urges, only when I was a little girl that I told you about the rubbing…

  21. Dear DrIntimacy,
    I am 36, single, virgin, no boyfriend. What do you Say to someone like me? I want to be in a relationship with someone who loves me but nothing is forthcoming. Guys In Church just ignore me and I have not been on a date or been asked on a date for like 5years. I am Not ugly, I dress well, have nice hair (if this helps), involved in Church, singer, Praise and Worship leader, have my own business – Guys in church or anywhere don’t approach me.

    Honestly, I am desperate to for someone to love me… I am fed up Of being on My own and having to be the independent one. I want to care for someone, I want to love someone, I want to experience intimacy with someone.

    I was talking with a very good male friend whom I am attracted to and care about a lot we have agreed to sleep together. We are not in a relationship and I understand the arrangement basically that we are going to be friends with benefits it hurts that I have had to come to this point but I figured its better that its with my friend than with a random person and I am scared that I might just join a dating site for this one purpose.

    I also wanted to share a quote with you from an article that Inspired me To make my “arrangement”

    “Singles the childless ones get mocked at family reunions [or everyone tries to fix you up with the first single man they see coz they think its helping] or treated as though they are still teenagers. Promiscuos friends who break every Biblical rul in the book end up married with healthy children – God didn’t punish them. Singles see the Reasons for abstinence fading, as they arrive in their mid-thirties women See their fertile years fading into single digits and all the old arguments about waiting for God to bring romance don’t ring true anymore.”

    this is exactly how I feel… I just don’t See the point in waiting, its not Like I have options or guys who are Interested in me in that way? They all Just want to be my friend…no-one wants to be my boyfriend, no-one wants to marry me. Grateful for your thoughts…

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Dear Outcastdiaries,

      I beg of you, pleeeeeeeze order my book STDs BEFORE you go through with your arrangement!!!! I want to spend more time writing to you but I have a conference tomorrow that I am preparing for. But I will dedicate special attention to this issue with you when the conference is over in a few days if you commit to purchasing my books and holding off on your arrangement. Please respond.

      • Outcastdiaries says:


        Got your message I have read a number of things on the area of STD’s already. But I do really look forward to hearing from you. I am a bit heartbroken and sad that I am in my situation but I trust my friend and I feel lost as to what to do with my life… I have no kids and I see my years of fertility fading and I just feel… lost in myself. Single, nearly 40, no Kids, no Man, no dating prospects to talk of. What do you advise this is an area the church is not clear on. Would love to have your thoughts. I too have just started a blog documenting my journey and experiences I hope my experience or Thoughts might help someone… look forward to hearing from you.

        Outcast Diaries

        • Dr. Intimacy says:

          These are not sexually transmitted diseases that my book is about. STDs stands for Sexually Transmitted Demons, which no condom or birth control can protect you from. Understand that when you have sex with your friend, if he is not a virgin or one who is sexually pure (no history of porn, masturbation or such) you will also be having sex with every person he has ever had sex with and will expose yourself to every demon operative in his life and the lives of those he has had sex with. This is quite serious. Although you may “trust” your friend, you cannot trust satan. What you are planning to do is sinful and therefore will make both you and your friend instruments of satan in each other’s lives. If you conceive your child will be illegitimate which brings about a specific type of curse. Much more I want to say but I am preparing to minister at the moment. I am making a heart felt plea for you to hold off on your decision. You need to order both of my books. If you had a proper understanding of intimacy, worship and sexual perversion there is no way you would be entertaining what you are. Are you are youtube user? I recorded a video that I never made public on my youtube channel for a 29 year old virgin in a similar situation. It really helped her alot. I will send you the link to view it but you need to have a youtube account in order to see it. what is you youtube user name?

  22. Edward says:

    Dear DrIntimacy,

    I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly 13 years. We own a house together, a car and a dog. For the past goodness knows how long, perhaps 7 years I have found myself growing less and less attracted to her sexually and now we only have sex a few times a year.

    I know the problem is me because she still wants sex with me, but I don’t with her. She is beautiful and has not changed since I first met her (no weight gain or other stuff). Guys always look at her when we go out together – she’s lovely.

    She is the only girl I have slept with and I think the problem is that I want to experiment with other women as I suppose I just got bored with her, which pains me terribly to admit.

    I love my partner very much – she is so caring, kind, loving, beautiful, funny, intelligent etc. It kills me when I have to lie to her when she asks if I fancy other women. I have lied to her and told her my sex drive is just low, when it really isn’t. I hate myself for it.
    I have never cheated on her, though it feels like I have cheated her and myself all along by not just ending things all those years ago.

    I hope you can help somehow.

  23. Dad says:

    Keep up the good work. we love you and miss you greatly!
    Mom and Dad
    Tulsa, Ok

  24. April says:

    For 10 years, my husband has been honest, trustworthy and faithful; however, recently he had an affair. I know, that sounds really mundane, but this wasn’t just ANY affiar. He experimented sexually with a retarded woman he supervised at work. The affair lasted 6 months before it came out and destroyed our lives. He lost his job, along with our insurance coverage, and is under investigation by the State Police because the woman’s mother is accusing him of rape. He was about to lose me and his daughter, not to mention potentially losing his freedom and any hope of future employment.

    It is so odd, too, because he has always loved me and never wanted to lose me, but since I had been cheated on by my former husband, I had told him that was the ONE thing I would NOT tolerate. When I questioned him about WHY? and WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? he says there seemed to be this “switch” in his head. He knew it was wrong and couldn’t seem to prevent going along with this woman. He says he didn’t want to and that it wasn’t even enjoyable, but he complied with all of her wishes anyway. (I know … it seems like he’s just trying to appease me, but he is VERY sincere!)

    This behavior is utterly and completely out of character for him. For over two months now, we’ve been soul searching, trying to figure out WHAT HAPPENED??? with no reasonable answers. During a recent conversation, my husband remembered some repressed memories from his childhood concerning abuse. He also spoke in detail about a very scary experience he had as a younger man (early 20s) while on LSD.

    We have now arrived at a theory, despite my lack of belief in such things, that there was some demonic involvement here. I want to know … is it possible that my husband “trapped” a demonic entity in with his repressed memories when he opened up spiritually during an LSD trip? It seems that this negative energy has been caught inside my husband for about 20 years and that, for the past 10, I have been instrumental in holding it at bay. Is it possible that our recent emotional distance caused there to be a rift through which this energy burst through and caused my husband to behave unlike himself?

    I know this sounds utterly nuts, but one day after all this came out, I was trying to “pour” healing white light into my husband’s soul. After a few minutes, I had a “vision” of a black, demonic face zooming forth at me with wild eyes and a red line drawn around its mouth. I concentrated the white light on the demonic mask, saw it shriek in surprise and dissolve, as white light enveloped its face. Later I found out that, at the same time, my husband had a “vision” of this abyss in his heart filling with gold and solidifying.

    I really need help here. I’m completely out of my element. I didn’t even BELIEVE in demons before and all of this sounds crazy to me. Am I just imagining things or is this a real possibility? Would a demon DO this sort of thing? And WHY? Is it trying to claim my husband’s soul? How do I banish this negative energy from our lives — or have I??

  25. Dionne says:

    Dear Dr. Intimacy,

    I am not in any type of relationship with any man because I do not want to send the wrong message or feel the need to be in a relationship especially if God hasn’t ordained it. I am afraid of familiar perverted spirits. And I want to understand the design of godly marriage and not just the human need to have a sexual relationship with someone.

    My discipler has told me that I can’t shy away from what God has created (male and female relationships). I have saturated myself in prayer that God would cover me from familiar spirits. I have even experienced married men in my church who would try to come to me and I cried out to God why that would happen. I claimed my freedom from the bondage of perversion and soul ties, but since coming to the knowledge of incubi and succubi spirits, I wonder if that was the reason I feel unprepared for marriage because of my history with sexual perversions. How can the lingering spirits of perversion affect my season of singleness?

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Hi Dionne,

      This is a great question. I would like to address this on my YouTube show. I will contact you when I upload the response.

      Just a quick answer now though, yes these spirits can definitely affect your desire for marriage and your readiness. You are on the right track though. You should seek to be married if you don’t feel ready and there is nothing wrong with wanting to remain single your entire life.

      thanks and sorry for the delay. I had been away for a while.

  26. t(h)inker says:

    Hi Dr Intimacy

    I love your Intimacy posts. I have always believed the blood covenant principle but I’ve not been able to answer this “simple” question:

    Is sex btw non-virgins (no hymen being torn) regarded as a blood covenant if there’s no ejaculation?

    I have always failed to answer this question.

  27. Jasmine Smith says:

    I was dating a married man who was going thru a divorce. His wife at one point excepted the relatioship and even allowed the kids around until she realized that he was still in between both women. He would be with me but talk to her about our problems behind my back. Then he would be with her and talk to me behind her back. shortly after talking he would end up leaving acting as though the relationship is over on either ends and as if he sees that its never going to work. well now its been over 4yrs of this back and forth and now a baby is involved. This will be the 4th child he has had on his wife. Her reaction to my baby and me is that she doesnt want any part of it but he is active in her life and still trying to play this game in both homes. I am just thru because its too toxic for me to be able to live in complete fullfillment and happiness. He will one women alone but only for a short period of time and now im trying to figure out how to stay strong and remain firm and deal with one another only as parents. Also, another thing that i realized that is somewhat disturbing is that when he is expressing himself about her is now the way i feel about him and its nothing positive. Im believing that maybe her spirit traveled to him, then frm him to me. That is possible right? another thing im beginning to lust a whole lot more to where im considering just having a sexual relationship with a person and that has NEver been a trait of mines. How do i deal with all these different spirits? Please HELP?


  28. I am being tormented so bad that i feel like i can give up…Im tired of praying my life is at a stand still i need help badly…..

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Hi Kindoria,

      What are you being tormented by exactly? You didn’t say. I know how you feel on wanting to give up on praying. I have been there. You are experiencing extreme discouragement which is a heavy oppression. The only remedy is PRAISE. Not prayer, PRAISE. REad the PRAISE psalms out loud, listen to praise music, go to a worshipping church and just PRAISE your way to a break through. I am telling you, it works but you have to take the first steps.

      FAther I pray that you release a spirit of PRAISE on to your daugther and bring deliverance in every area of her life! In Yeshua’s name, Amen!!!

  29. Amy says:

    Over the past five years about 3 or 4 times I have woke up to my husband having sex with me. I know I’m awake and I’m trying to get him to stop or say something but nothing happens.

    • Dr. Intimacy says:


      I am not exactly sure what you are saying here or what you are asking. It sounds as if your husband is having sex with you while he is sleeping… is that what you are saying? Does it bother you? Give me more details so that we can explore the issue.

      • Amy says:

        No he’s not sleeping I’m being woke up by him by having sex with me but I feel I’m trying to stop him or say something but I can’t . I even asked him didnt you hear me and he said no and I said I was even trying to get you to stop . And it’s happen few more times but I didnt tell him because I feel like he thinks I’m crazy . But I had asked a pastor he said it sounds like a spirit ?

        • Dr. Intimacy says:

          @ Amy

          OK, I see. Does he remember having sex with you? Is it him that is having sex with you or a spirit?

          If he remembers having sex with you and you can confirm that it is actually him then there are 2 questions:

          1) Why is he having sex with you while you are sleep.

          2) Why is it that you are sleeping through it?

          There are deeper issues here that should be explored.

  30. Amy says:

    Yes he knows and when I awake I’m trying to speak and I can’t . I dont know what to think about it?

  31. Olufemi says:

    Hello Dr,
    What is your take on oral sex – divine or demonic? There are many conflicting reasoning out there and there seems to be no agreement within even bible scholars and preachers.
    Moreover, the bible is silent on the issue – so i think?
    Could you please help?

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Olufemi, I responded to your question on my video blog! Check it out! How do you get over desire for a former partner when you are happily married? Is oral sex spoken of in the Bible? How can you show your wife in scripture that she should honor you and not nag you? All of these questions are addressed in this video. I recorded this video especially with Christian men in mind. I hope it blesses you. Enjoy!

  32. janamikovsky says:

    Dear Dr. Intimacy, is there any chance to buy electronic version of your book The Spirits of Sexual Perversion Reference Book 2013 Edition? I REALLY need this! I checked amazon.com – there’s only paperback copy there, but I live on the other side of the globe, it’s way better for me to buy Kindle book than to ship stuff from US to here…. Please let me know if it’s possible. Thank you!!!

  33. Dr. Intimacy ,
    I have began to read some of your information and i really starting to began to get a clearer understanding what has been going on with me. In the last six years i have been going through deep heart cleaning by the Lord Jesus. He has expose a lot in my heart. I believed i was exposed to life of sexual perversion at an early age. I have felt and even had dream that some one touch me in a sexual when i was smaller. When i was younger living at a grandparents house a female cousin and I did a sexual act together. Then later on I found a porn magazine in a male relatives room and at the age of 16 started masturbating. I believe all the early stuff was do to a lot of demonic doors were open at my grandparents house. I have been living in rejection, and been dealing with self rejection , self hatred and lonely a lot in my life. To be honest most of my actions have been done behind the scenes and i just keep a mask on. Since the age of 11 for 21 years i have been involve in looking at porn. I even had phone sex with women who i have chatted with online. I think that i have some bond with them because something i still feel that they are with me as if i did the physical act of sex with them. I even watch webcams as a part of it and doing exhibition with them. I was wondering how do i be release from this because i really want to be free and live holy before God. I do feel at time I have been visited by Succubus and Incubus spirits. I remember one night that it was like i saw like my female friend, but now reading your blog. I believe it was this spirit that mimic my female friend on top of me in a sexual act and have felt something get in the bed with me.I woke up then it was gone. I have gotten into an addictions group here in my local area, but i struggle the intense feelings. I have overwhelming times of attack of wanting to have sex or to masturbate. I can tell you its like at times i feel i was bitten by vampire and i need to feed. I have felt like teeth wanting to grow. I have gone to those who i had a connected with and repented to them for my actions asking for forgiveness. I have shutdown certain sites and got a filter on my laptop. I am shutdown my chat messages also. I cant even watch TV that much now. I know i need deliverance and i feel i am headed towards it. What do i need to do to make sure i get my deliverance? I know when i pray or read the Word do feel a super resistance. I press forward ! What do i need to do ?

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Dear Tsoul,

      My compassion is toward you. May the Lord Yahweh be merciful to you and forgive all of your sins. My prayer is that He will hedge you in with strong angels that will give you a time of rest from these attacks. During that time of rest, it must a time of consecration for you. You have to cut everything and everyone out of your life except those things and people that build up your spirit man. When the time of rest is over, and you have received strength it will be time for you to fight for your destiny. YOU MUST ORDER MY BOOKS! Get them both. REad the little one first and then the big one. You will know when you get them, which is which, LOL. Just put my name in the Amazon search and you will find them. Don’t delay because your time of rest will not last long.

      In His Love,
      Dr. Intimacy

  34. Dr. Intimacy
    What are your thoughts on masturbation if the couple is separated due to a deployment? If they focus on each other instead of a fantasy, is that the same as a single person doing the act of masturbation? Are demonic forces surrounding the couple because of it? Thank you!
    Just Curious

  35. richards29 says:

    I read the blog u posted on christians masturbation.I have been struggling in this area for the 28yrs of my life.Im so confuse in the area of masturbation as to whether it is right or wrong for me given that im single.can you offer me some guidance

    • Dr. Intimacy says:

      Hi Richards,

      Masturbation is a really tough addiction to overcome. Step one is accepting that it is a vile, disgusting, sinful act. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t feel good, but you can’t try to down play the Sinfulness Of it by making “singleness” excuses. Once you accept that masturbation is falling short of the Standard we should uphold as believers, you can pray for a desire to Stop. Once the desire to stop becomes Strong enough You will lose the enjoyment of the act. Once the enjoyment its gone it becomes a simple matter of physical discipline. That is really the easy part. The hard part is overcoming the deception that is justifying the behavior. You Should purchase my books. They will really help.

      Dr. Intimacy

    • richards29 says:

      Gosh thanx a bunch for replying to me.I didnt think i would get a respond.I know masturbation is not a sin buts its the thought that goes along with it that is there were days,month i will go without masturbating but when the urges hits,Oh it hits very hard.The surging sexual energies make it difficult to sleep and difficult to concentrate until i get release.Now I do not watch porn nor read heavy erotic material when masturbating.I enjoy doing it because I love how it feels and the orgasmic pleasure.but then its the guilt that comes after although i was not thinking inappropriate thoughts,Im not justifying my act in any way but i wanted to share this with you and tell me what u think

      What if by reintroducing masturbation not for lust and its compulsive habit but rather to enriched & strenthen ones sexuality with positive sexual energy. similar to that involves eating well, keeping myself in community, doing things that are fun, etc. that helps create positive life empowerment skills.

      hope to hear from u soon.

  36. shukran14 says:

    Dear Dr Intimacy

    Peace and grace to you dear sister. The Lord brought me your website during a fast having moved abroad as He called me to overseas work.

    May I just firstly say blessing on you dear precious daughter of the Most High. I listened to your McDonalds prophecy and praise Jesus, He is sure on the move and has so much for all of your dear children, all 6 of them and 7 of you- perfection right there 🙂

    You do carry a very heavy mantle indeed and I am amazed at your fellowship- I really come from quite a just small town very loving but not informed in spiritual matters church who have put a lot behind me to have me obedient to The Lord’s call to come minister overseas but I realise I need to be also fellowshipping with those who carry a similar weighty deeper spirituality and yearning for more and more of Him.

    I was fasting because since moving to a very spiritual oppressed town in North Africa I have had increased visitations by what I understand thanks to your words and insight, to be incubus. The Lord called and end to that fast after 7 days and peace in my sleep has been tasted since then, but violent and sexual perversion Of my dreams does continue. Limited hours of the night (usually just before the early morning call to prayer here!) and I ‘abort’ any seed as you recommend so my waking hours are relatively undisturbed from it. But when i return to the uk during summer and I have the security of my parents home to fast and pray, I would like to follow an inclination I have to fast and pray for 15 days about it, to break any generational strongholds there may be, from witchcraft I feel. As my parents were both new believers from very messy and wayward families. Even though I have multiply prayed into generational curses and experienced much deliverance through that, I feel there is more powerful things to go.

    I was just wondering therefore, as extended prayer and fasting is something very much unknown in many of my fellowship circles, if you could talk me through guidance depending as to how much time you have, to that longer fast you embarked on. On your videos, you mentioned you had other believers meet with you to come and pray. In general or about the area you were seeking His face on?
    I tend to find the Spirit guides me as to how many hours a day, but a rough guide would be helpful 🙂 I tend to completely clear the diary for it as well eg no other activity. Is this what you did as best possible (being a mother of 6!) did The Lord give you any pictures to encourage you as to the progress you were making throughout the time to encourage you? I did experience some quite graphic self delivery in the form of coughing up white foam 2 nights before the fast ended, and was concerned if something stronger is broken spiritually it may manifest more violently when alone. But maybe I just need to trust Him 🙂

    I think that’s all, bless you so so much for your time in reading and as you feel lead, replying to this. I really really greatly appreciate it and it is an incredible service to the body of Christ, may He uphold and strengthen you mightily in this dear lady. It is an honour to support you.

    In Him

  37. I have been involved with a cult Jehovah’s witnesses since the age of 14 then left to return again and got baptised at the age of 24 I am 43 now married to a wonderful man. But the sex perverted demons has manifested himself since I stopped masturbating in secret and watch porn alone. Yes I have been saved nearly 3 month now and now this demons in in my body, bed and some of his friends too. I read delivery prayers but they manifested themselves even more. I shout out god’s name and tell them and that sexual demon to leave my house body..that my body is the temple of God now that I repented and that they have no legal right on me but nothing. He is still hanging on my body specially in between my leg in the day. I had one orgasm from this demons thought it was a dream then realised for the first time a week after I got saved that they are trying to destroy my relationship with Jesus. I thrown away all the book and bible from this cult. I have great peace now in my house but now the demon comes on me and stay now. I read my bible 1 to 3 hours/per day…searching on internet anyway to be saved..Utube helped but they ay are still there. I never felt demons on my before but know that I always has problem being accepted at work all my life, friends lives me etc….Its seems to be a curse. I believe now its because my mum physically abused me..then at 6 years old I had sex with a young girl, then find porn under my mum’s bed…at 17 then I never stopped masturbating..even when being a Jehovah’s witness…I trying but it did not work…The cult made me depress and suicidal…but Jesus saved me as my husband and I were having arguments…but finally the peace in our life started 3month ago. I have been saved but now cant even sleep at night two years now..since going deep in that cult..then porn etc….anxiety attack started as I rebelled against the leaders who let me be verbally abused by a member then one of their leaders telling lies about me. my husband and I survive in our marriage..as I love him ..dearly. Now why have the demons manifested themselves only now…do you think they are ever gone stop attaching themselves to me..be on top of me at night in my bed…etc..help me…may jesus bless you for the work you are doing Amen!!

  38. ransomed1 says:

    Hi Dr. Intimacy, I came across your blog by chance about a week ago after “a masturbation session’, which is a cause of much frustration as this is something I have been dealing with in prayer, repentance to God for some time, I said to myself ‘not again’, beating myself up while not understanding ‘why?’. I was led to your article on Incubus and Succubus; which really frightened the life out of me but ultimately opened the eyes of my understanding, I also read the blog on ‘guilt vs conviction’ I have peace within that I’ve never felt before.
    I am a 34 year christian lady, so why do I masturbate you ask… I was molested at the age of 4 by my brother who was 8 at the time…What is being virgin as there was no penetration? I’ve had that question for years. Because of that my sexual appetite was aroused and have had issues since I was a teen. I have never had a boyfriend or slept with a man. However I get urges (without ever having a physical experience) say once or twice a month. I was raised on a Christian home, but behind the scenes my father was physically abusive to my mother and us children. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, inexplicable sicknesses (light sensitivity, sinuses, gastro related disturbances, heart palpitations) from age of 26 for no apparent reason, am now doing much better. I’m frustrated that I’m not married, feel forgotten by God, am weary, some days I just don’t know why I’m still alive. I feel God wants me perfect before God grants me my hearts desires but with all the issues I have I’m afraid I’ll never get there. I’ve lost hope. Everyday I have to find strength to pray and be optimistic, most days I just drag through life. I’ve been to so many job interviews since the year began, but nothing has materialized. It’s asif I’ve been carrying a shadow ally life, I saw this because I’ve come to notice that often when I enter a room or meet people they are constantly looking at the top of my head or have a look in their eyes asif they’ve been talking about me but I’ve just met them. I speak to everyone but often find myself alone. I’m having to initiate conversations, calling ‘friends’ who don’t ever call me, if I don’t no one calls me. I have one friend who says I need to have deliverance ministered to me because all the delay, hinderence I’m experiencing is not normal. I started the year with prayer and fasting as I do every year but nothing has changed. I’m worn out with my life, all the praying, seeking…I’m about an inch away from letting go forever. Does all this have to do with my having a dark veil over me, consequences of my sexual immorality, abuse? Help!!

  39. ransomed1 says:

    Good day Dr. Intimacy, I came across your blog by chance about a week ago after “a masturbation session’, which is a cause of much frustration as this is something I have been dealing with in prayer, repentance to God for some time, I said to myself ‘not again’, beating myself up while not understanding ‘why?’. I was led to your article on Incubus and Succubus; which really frightened the life out of me but ultimately opened the eyes of my understanding, I also read the blog on ‘guilt vs conviction’ I have peace within that I’ve never felt before.
    I am a 34 year christian lady, so why do I masturbate you ask… I was molested at the age of 4 by my brother who was 8 at the time…What is being virgin as there was no penetration? I’ve had that question for years. Because of that my sexual appetite was aroused and have had issues since I was a teen. I have never had a boyfriend or slept with a man. However I get urges (without ever having a physical experience) say once or twice a month. I was raised on a Christian home, but behind the scenes my father was physically abusive to my mother and us children. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, inexplicable sicknesses (light sensitivity, sinuses, gastro related disturbances, heart palpitations) from age of 26 for no apparent reason, am now doing much better. I’m frustrated that I’m not married, feel forgotten by God, am weary, some days I just don’t know why I’m still alive. I feel God wants me perfect before God grants me my hearts desires but with all the issues I have I’m afraid I’ll never get there. I’ve lost hope. Everyday I have to find strength to pray and be optimistic, most days I just drag through life. I’ve been to so many job interviews since the year began, but nothing has materialized. It’s asif I’ve been carrying a shadow ally life, I saw this because I’ve come to notice that often when I enter a room or meet people they are constantly looking at the top of my head or have a look in their eyes asif they’ve been talking about me but I’ve just met them. I speak to everyone but often find myself alone. I’m having to initiate conversations, calling ‘friends’ who don’t ever call me, if I don’t no one calls me. I have one friend who says I need to have deliverance ministered to me because all the delay, hinderence I’m experiencing is not normal. I started the year with prayer and fasting as I do every year but nothing has changed. I’m worn out with my life, all the praying, seeking…I’m about an inch away from letting go forever. Does all this have to do with my having a dark veil over me, consequences of my sexual immorality, abuse? Help!!

  40. regiterif says:

    Good day Dr., i am a male and i have had homosexual experiences in my past, i know doing such thing is being homosexual already but i can’t accept it to my self that i am a homosexual and I’m not really happy in that situation although it really gives pleasure to my flesh but the Holy Spirit never gave up on me through conviction and i did everything to overcome it, i ask spiritual org (born again Christian) i trust to pray for me, i confess about my homosexuality and i ask them help me to deliver from spirit of homosexuality and we pray. Thank God i’ve been set free by Jesus my Lord by the power of His Holy Spirit so now no more struggles and panic whenever there’s temptation, by God’s grace I can now say no to homosexual activities and even masturbation. my questions are:
    1. why there are times my attraction to the same sex is still there? what will i do get rid of this same sex attraction which lead to lust?
    2. and when i get married or before i marry a woman do i need to tell her about my past?.

    please help, thanks and God bless!

  41. Dear Dr Intimacy
    Is anal sex between a Christian married couple during the intimacy of love making permissible or sin?

    • That is a good question. I cannot say it is “sin” because the bible is silent on the matter. However, I can definitely say it is a perversion (which means misuse, or deviation from intended purpose). The rectum and anus were designed for a very specific purpose, as an exit for toxic waste. It is not designed for entry, and unlike a vagina, the walls of the rectum are thin and non-elastic, ripping, tearing and easily losing its shape.

      Murryay, sometimes a better question to ask is not whether or not something is permissible, but instead is it perfect, is it righteous and would my motive for doing this stand before the Throne of GOD?

      Thanks so much for asking, and be sure to tune into my live broadcast every week where you can learn more and even call in and ask questions. Find out more on the website. http://www.InspiredIntimacyTalkRadio.com

      Dr. Intimacy

  42. jay gorm says:

    how do you move on or heal from “STD’s” mentally ? How are you supposed to cleanse your spirit especially if there is permanent damage?

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