Non-Sexual Adultery

What is adultery actually? Well the literal definition according to most English dictionaries is to have sex with someone other than your spouse when you are married. We don’t need to expound upon that definition too much, as it is pretty apparent exactly what that means. The only insight that I would add to this literal definition is that sexual contact, even when it does not include full penetration, is unequivocally adultery!

I can remember this one couple that I encountered. The guy was accused of adultery, but he and the other woman in question disagreed on whether or not they had actually had sex.  She said that they did have sex, but he said that they didn’t. He concluded that even though they were both but naked in bed together, kissing, humping and climaxing – it didn’t count because he only ‘peeked his head in’ without fully penetrating her. OK I’m sorry for that graphic description, but the ludicrous guise of deception that people are under sometimes is just astonishing to me. We had to spend months worth of counseling just to establish whether or not sex had actually occurred between he and his mistress, before we could move on to any real deliverance sessions! I am not usually this descriptive and won’t be often,  nor do I invite comments of such nature. Everyone once in a while it is just necessary to get really raw though, because someone reading this was offended at the guy I just described… until they remembered when they did the same thing! So let’s just be honest with ourselves my brothers and sisters, so that real deliverance can occur in our lives without delay.

But anyway, back to my topic. Outside of the obvious literal meaning of adultery, there are other ways that adultery can manifest itself in one’s marriage.

If you are married, pornography would definitely fall under the umbrella of adultery for you. Through pornography you are creating a sexual connection with another person. People watch pornography because it is sexually stimulating. As a married person, you should only be receiving sexual stimulation from your own husband or wife. That is why Yeshua states in Matthew 5:27-28, “27You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Pornography is commonly accompanied by masturbation and on-going sexual fantasy. Long after the video is no longer being viewed, you are repeatedly committing adultery in your heart and mind.

 There is also the most subtle form of adultery that has as of lately claimed more formerly faithful wives than you might imagine. This form that I am talking about is commonly referred to as emotional adultery. This happens when you develop and nurture strong feelings of attraction, love or friendship with someone other than your spouse. A frequent doorway for this type of adultery to enter into one’s marriage is through the forging of an internet relationship, which often times at the onset seems like such an innocent and safe way to make an emotional connection with someone. It also frequently occurs in close working relationships, between close family friends and with spiritual leaders or mentors as well. Really, any ongoing communication between two people can lead to this type of adultery if not carefully monitored.

For the broadest understanding of what adultery is – always remembering that we are to consider first the motive of the heart before we consider anything else – it is anyone or anything that you become intimate with. Yes, I said anyTHING too! Marriage is a sacred covenant that you enter into with the promise to love, honor and cherish above all else. Furthermore, don’t forget that marriage is designed to be the symbol of our relationship with The Creator. Just as NO one or NO thing should ever come before God in your life – aside from your intimate, personal relationship with Him – NO one or NO thing should ever come before your spouse.

You should not have a closer friend; you should have no secrets; you should have no greater love; no greater intimacy; no greater oneness; no greater loyalty, commitment or connection of any kind; than that which you have with your spouse. This includes people – especially your family and even your children. This includes places – such as your job and even more especially the church. And this includes things – such as sports, hobbies and even ministry pursuits! Don’t get an intimate relationship with God confused with public ministry. Your intimate relationship with God should always come before your relationship with your spouse – your public ministry never should!

Any bond or intimacy that you create with anyone or anything that takes away from the esteemed first place of honor that should be reserved and dedicated to your spouse alone, is a betrayal and a violation of your sacred marriage covenant. Let me put this disclaimer out there: I am not endorsing the use of this revelation to offset a free-fall of divorces on the grounds of “non-sexual adultery”. However, I believe that the absence of this understanding is destroying more marriages than any other weapon in this present day. The spirit of adultery is present in more marriages than we can possibly conceive. Surely, when the spirit is present and prevalent in subtle, non-sexual manifestations of adultery – it is likely that sexual adultery will follow. That is why it is so important that you grasp this broader understanding of what adultery really is.

How do you feel about what I shared in this article? Have you been a victim of non-sexual adultery or maybe a committer of such or is this absolute gibberish to you? Let me know your thoughts.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

http://www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

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When a Spouse Cheats, Is the Other Spouse to Blame?

I received a post today from a lady that said, “I by no means was the wife that I was supposed to be but I still to this day don’t believe that I deserved to be cheated on.” That causes me to pose a question: When a husband or wife cheats, is the other spouse to blame? Are they to blame completely in some cases? Only to some degree in some cases? Or never in any case? I don’t know of any place I can go in scripture off-hand to support an opinion to one extent or the other but I do know this, marriage is a partnership and cheating doesn’t  “just happen”.

Now as far as the word “blame” goes, that is a trick question that I asked because I don’t believe that either spouse is to “blame”. Blame is irrelevant in the case of adultery. When infidelity takes place, angry accusations and blame only veil the underlying causes. The act of adultery is not nearly as relevant as the factors that led to it. Establishing who should carry the blame will not bring healing. Discovering how the door for infidelity was opened in the marriage can give the insight needed to repair the marriage and “adultery proof” it for the future.

This has been a “hot-button” issue, especially for women that  have been on the receiving end of adulterous affairs. But I often see a lot of deflection in the angry comments of scorned women. I had been in more affairs than I care to mention and although I am remorseful I went down that road in the past, I am grateful for the insights I gained. Where cheating is concerned, I find that both cheating husbands and cheating wives have told strikingly similar stories about the circumstances that existed in the  home before the affair occurred. Based on what I understand about the sacrifice marriage requires, my counseling sessions and the failures of my own past: my position is that both spouses are responsible for the infidelity no matter which spouse it is that actually does the deed.

Let me know what you think about this and reference scriptures or experiences that you are familiar with if you can.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

drintimacy@drintimacy.com                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons

STDs 2013 4I want to school you on STDs – no, not “sexually transmitted diseases”. I’m talking about spiritual STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons! Did you know that demonic spirits can be transferred to you during sex and/or sexual activity? Did you ever notice how people change once they begin to have sex? You probably have taken note of it in a friend or relative in the past, but never equated it to sexual activity. Just think about it, your cousin Quan’teeka starts dating Bone Thug from the block and after a couple of weeks you say to her,“Girl, you’ve changed.” Or maybe even in your own life, you took on a new love and your friends and family kept telling you that you changed, even though you couldn’t see the changes!

You probably relate to what I am saying, but probably have always equated such changes just to the new relationship itself and not the reality of STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons. Every demon has a nature and specific corresponding characteristics. That is why groups of people who have no connection to each other but that are infested with the same type of demonic spirit, behave in very similar ways. We call them “stereotypes” but they are nothing less than “familiar spirits” that shape the character and personality of those that they influence. Hmmm… that’s something to think about, isn’t it?

When two people have sex, those two people become one. The same way that the physical bodies of the man and woman lock together and become one interlocked unit, so do their soul and spirit bodies. Every human being consists of three distinct bodies — spirit, soul and flesh – that function in unity with one another, as one unit. Each of those bodies operate in a different realm and each impacts the interactions of your entire human experience. Sexual activity causes two people to connect and become one in all three realms, thus allowing for the transmission of demonic spirits from one person to the other – the same way that sexual activity allows for the transmission of venereal diseases, such as chlamydia, herpes and HIV, from one person to another.

What I am trying to get you to understand is that those changes that take place in your life after you get into a sexual relationship with someone are not a coincidence! They are a direct result of sexually transmitted demons. Have you ever done or said something that you found very uncharacteristic for yourself and thought, “Where in the world did that come from?”This happens as a result of different demonic spirits that  you pick up, usually through sex. The unfortunate thing about it is that most people are completely oblivious to the reality of spiritual STDs, and even once they do become aware of them; it is often too little, too late.

You may think that you can pick up a sexually transmitted demon and just go to the spiritual free clinic (church), and get a dose of spiritual antibiotics (prayer) and go on about your business, unaffected by what you’ve done. But this is not so. Just as there are some sexually transmitted diseases that there are no cure for, there are some sexually transmitted demons that will stay with you indefinitely. Some venereal diseases cause permanent damage to the body such as impotence, erectile dysfunction, uterine pain, cervical and prostate cancer and worst of all – sterility (not being able to produce offspring)! Sexually transmitted demons can have the same impact on your destiny and purpose in the spirit realm!!!

I really want you to think about this carefully. We often take sex so frivolously, regarding it as just a physical act. But I assure you that sex is much more spiritual than it is physical and even if you can use a condom to prevent the transmission of natural STDs, there is no condom to protect yourself from the transmission of spiritual STDs. Abstinence is the only way – preserving sex for the confines of Holy Matrimony.

If you want to know more about sexually transmitted demons, you need to pick up my book. It is entitled, “STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons”. Find out how to buy it on this page:  STDs: Sexually Transmitted Demons, 2013 Edition.

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

http://www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.