An Embarrassing Little Secret or Monumental Mistake?

embarrassed-facial-expression-3_mediumI can remember the most embarrassing moment of my life that occurred back in junior high school. I was 14 years old, but I looked like I was about nine. I was sickly and a late bloomer. I had a huge crush on one of the neighborhood boys, but he seemed to be quite taken with big breasts. I unfortunately had the chest of a little boy. I thought I would fix that problem by stuffing my bra. After all, every under-developed, late bloomer does it. Doesn’t she?

 I did a great job. I was always very artistic so I even managed to create nipples (laugh). The only problem was that I knew if my mom ever saw my tissue breast implants, she definitely would have made me undo all of my hard work. Therefore, I would have to “de-breast” myself every time I went in the house and then “re-breast” myself whenever I left. On a particular evening, I asked my Mom if I could go back outside after dinner. She informed me that I only had 15 minutes. I wanted to be around my crush as often as possible, so I frantically re-stuffed my bra and ran outside, knowing that I had precious little time to continue my work on winning his affections.

 There was a group of us that hung out together. I was the outcast. As a matter of fact I wasn’t even an invited member of the crew. I was more like a stray dog that they just could not get rid of.  At any rate, I hunted them down that night after dinner and stood amongst the group. I was probably a good 8 to 12 inches shorter than everyone else, but I tried to be big in personality to make up for it. I was talking loudly, trying to entertain everyone as usual, and thenthen… it happened… My crush, “the love of my life” looked down at me, pointed his finger at my chest, busted out with laughter and shouted as loudly as he could, “Ilk, Laneen has tissue in her bra!” If there were ever a time that I wished I had magic powers, that was it!

For me, my bra-stuffing was just an embarrassing little secret, but at the moment of its revealing, I realized that it was really a monumental mistake – a monumental mistake that stemmed from much deeper issues than just that of being flat-chested. I use this illustration to correlate to a common “embarrassing little secret” that many Christian women keep. It’s that dirty ol’ word called masturbation.  After all, every under-sexed, unsatisfied, lonely, stressed out woman does it. Doesn’t she?

Well, I don’t know about every woman, but statistical studies amongst Christian women suggest that about 60% admit to masturbating. My own experience as Dr. Intimacy leads me to believe that number is much higher. But masturbation, although done in secrecy most times, is much more than an embarrassing little secret. It is a monumental mistake that stems from much deeper issues than simply that of needing a little sexual release from time to time.

If your high-school was anything like mine, you were taught in health-ed class that masturbation is “natural” and “healthy”. I myself began performing it at the age of five. I have had clients share with me stories of starting as early as age two. Yet contrary to popular opinion in our sex-crazed, disease-ridden society, masturbation is not a safe and healthy alternative to promiscuous sexual relationships. That embarrassing little secret is a cover up for much deeper issues such as feelings of depression, loneliness,  inadequacy, rejection, stress, low self-esteem, lack of acceptance and more. Such issues if not properly addressed can lead to health problems, poor social skills, failures in life, many failed relationships, weight control problems and even death or suicide.

 Another common misconception is that masturbation can be used as a therapeutic substitute for unfulfilling marital sex in order to stave off infidelity. The practice of masturbation trains your body to climax in response to your own touch. This makes it difficult, if not impossible for your husband to ever bring you to climax without the aid of your own hand. Consequently, that unfulfilling marital sex is likely to get worse.

For men, even married men, sex is a conquest. If a man becomes dejected in his efforts to sexually please his wife, he is likely to respond by discontinuing sex with his wife and turning to pornography, masturbation and/or adultery. He may turn to these things and continue to have sex with his wife but with complete emotional detachment, as he fondly reminisces on his favorite past sexual conquest or porn scene. Such lack of intimacy will break down communication in the marriage.  Some women in these situations feel as if they are being raped during sex with their husbands. And if you think that this terrible state of affairs in a marriage won’t possibly lead to adultery on the wife’s end too, you obviously have not been paying attention to infidelity statistics lately.

Masturbation only medicates your issues, just like any other drug. When you masturbate to cover up your issues, you are just as bound as a drug addict or alcoholic. Masturbation is highly addictive and I can even remember reading an article that stated an orgasm causes a chemical reaction in the brain that is similar to that which occurs during drug highs. The real frustration trap of masturbation is that it essentially increases the issues that initially triggered the act in the first place. Since for most women sex is more about the emotional connection than the actual physical mechanics; laying in bed alone after concluding the act of masturbation triggers an emotional letdown. It emulates the sharp increase in negative emotions (depression, loneliness, self-hatred, etc…) that women often experience after a boyfriend gets up and leaves after “he is finish”, or an uncaring husband rolls over and falls asleep after sex. Such a woman is most often left feeling worse than she did at the onset.

In the Power of His Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Breaking the bonds of sexual perversion ~ Healing the bonds of heart-2-heart intimacy

Copyright © 2013 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright and legal notices on this page.