Have You Had a Good Cry Lately?

Are you one of those people who almost never cries even though you often feel pain? Do you find it hard to cry even when you want to? Are you afraid to cry? Do you think crying makes you weak?  Are you scared that once you start crying over the pain of your life that you may never recover? If you can answer yes to any of these questions then this article is for you.

One of the issues that I often encounter when coaching people is the inability — or really the unwillingness — of many people to cry. Crying is an absolutely essential part of healing and deliverance. People often times don’t know how to use tears. Tears can be a healing balm, or a poisonous venom depending on how you apply them.

In all thy getting, get an understanding.” Isn’t that what the Bible says? Even in crying you must have an understanding of why you are crying and what to expect as a result of your tears. One of the main reasons people fear crying is that they are afraid the pain of their past will be brought back to the surface and overwhelm them. But tears brought before The Father in brokenness and humility will not produce pain but will instead release pain.

Let me just take a moment to explain to you the revelation that is hidden in human tears in the hope that you will go ahead and have that good cry that is long overdue (smile).


aa transparent drop of fluid or hardened fluid matter (as resin)                                      
: undissolved material that has been changed into glass or a glassy substance by heat and fusion:   close crystallization by high firing to make non-porous

While most of us know the common definition of the word ‘tear’, did you know that a tear can also be a hard, non-porous substance?  A revelation really hit my spirit when I read these above definitions in Merriam Webster’s On-line Unabridged Dictionary. The revelation is this: tears that remain in your heart, constantly warmed by the heat of anger, become hardened residue that imprisons your heart in bitterness and pain.

You should be crying almost every day!

Ok, I know that sounds a little bit over the top, but please allow me to explain. I am certainly not suggesting that we all ought to be crying everyday for the rest of our lives here on earth. However as we continually go through seasons of transition, growth and/or healing – yes we should be crying often. Now let me back that up in scripture.

2He called a little child and had him stand among them.3And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (Mat 18:2-3)

Is not every true believer striving to enter into the Kingdom of God? Not heaven, but His Kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven:  that life and life more abundantly that we were promised by Jesus as a result of His coming? Of course we are; and Jesus Himself said that would only happen if we become like little children. Not just children, but little children. Being a mother of seven, if there is anything I can say with certainty it is this: LITTLE CHILDREN CRY ALMOST EVERYDAY!!!


Well, I’m glad you asked. One of the first things I present to my clients during coaching sessions is the necessity of crying over their childhood. When helping a client work through issues of sexual perversion for instance, I explain to them, “You didn’t just wake up one day and decide to be perverted. Perversion was injected into your heart before you had a chance to decide.”

The problem is that often times when that injection takes place in our lives, whether it is an injection of perversion, anger, depression, rejection or otherwise – we are often too young to realize that we should be outraged at the state of our lives. At a time of our existence as children when it would be as easy as one, two, three to grieve; we fail to understand that we should grieve because we don’t know that what is being done to us is wrong. It is not until we come to an age of understanding many years into our adulthood that we suddenly realize, “Hey, I had a mucked up childhood! Momma shouldn’t have done that too me! Daddy should have been there!”

Once the realization and understanding comes it will be dealt with one, two or all of three ways:

                  1) Numbness and denial

                  2) Depression and sadness

                  3) Outrage and anger

No matter how you slice it up though, the only way to work through it at that point is to cry those dormant tears that are locked away in your inner being; the tears that have become the glassy residue that has hardened your heart and interfered with your intimacy with God and relationships with people.

Still don’t believe me? Well guess what another definition for tear is: “a drop of clear saline fluid.” Did you know that saline is basically the salty element found in some water? It is saline water that is used to flush out wounds. The first thing the nurse in the ER does is find out how you got cut. Next, the nurse flushes out your wound to access the damage and prepare it for an expeditious and hopefully uneventful healing process.  In other words, through your tears you will wash away all of the debris and foreign substances that were injected into you throughout your life. The release of your tears, your saline water, will flush out your heart and rinse away the dead things that are covering up your festering wounds.

And here is another jewel of revelation: If you put saline water in a container and allow it to evaporate, you will be left with salt. Salt is a preservative. That means that everything that has been hidden in your dormant tears for all these many years has been preserved for such a time as this! You haven’t lost anything at all. God has preserved your joy. He has preserved your restoration. He has preserved your destiny. All has been preserved in your tears.

So go ahead, cry your heart out and become the salt of the earth that Jesus said you would be as one of His disciples!!! Below I have listed some scriptures for you to write down, memorize and meditate on. Don’t expect these scriptures to yield a change in you right away. But as you keep meditating on these scriptures daily and going before the Lord, your heart will be softened and you will be able to cry. I am confident that in time, whether it is a few days or a few months, the streams will begin to flow from your eyes and you will start to heal like you never thought you could!

Not a single one of your tears is ever overlooked by God. He sees each one and understands the significant meaning behind every fallen tear.

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.  Psalm 56:8

When you seek the Lord for deliverance you should seek him with tears. God resists the proud, but a broken spirit and a contrite heart will never be despised by God.

“In those days, at that time,” declares the LORD,
“the people of Israel and the people of Judah together
will go in tears to seek the LORD their God. Jer 50:4

Your tears create a noticeable fragrance that gets the Lord’s attention – they perfume the atmosphere with repentance and brokeness and God responds with His mercy and restoration.

 “And as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.” Luke 7:38

Jesus being no less than God Himself, had to come before the Father with tears when His deliverance was on the line. If He who was without sin had to cry, how much more must you and I cry?

During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Hebrews 5:7

 When people treat you badly, you should never get bitter about it, nor should you turn to other people to offer you false comfort by joining in on your anger. You should pour out your tears to God, the one who is able to heal you.

 My friends scorn me, but I pour out my tears to God. Job 16:2

Understand that all of these scriptures teach you that if you really want to be heard in times of distress, in bitterness of soul, in the weakness of your sinful flesh, in the injustices of life… you must come before the Lord with your tears. He is so ready to hear you if you will just come to him in humility.

12 Hear my prayer, O Lord! Listen to my cries for help! Don’t ignore my tears.   Psalm 39:12

After your crying is over with, there will always be a great deliverance that comes about and a peace that comes to your soul.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. 8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,   my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, 9 that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living. Psalm 116:7-9 

Once all of the stress and pain that you have been carrying around for years is finally washed away through your tears — you find that crying often allows God to release healing to your body!

“Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people, ‘This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you…  2 Kings 20:5

When it is all said and done, after your crying is over, you will harvest the Lord’s Joy!

Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy! Psalm 126:5


Press through the pain and let the tears fall! You cannot harvest joy if you do not sow your tears.  


In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body


Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.